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AIBU?

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Hoarder MIL living with us?!

77 replies

xxshirleyx · 15/05/2026 23:08

Hi all,
been a silent lurker but now need advice or to be told ‘ you are being unreasonable’

We (partner and 3 children) own a lovely home and both wok hard and have a presentable home because of this.
In my partners culture they often bring their parents in with them, to give a multigenerational upbringing to their children. My MIL is lovely, can’t do any more for us and is the best you could wish for, however, we have built her a garden house (like a static caravan) and she is slowly wrecking it. She is a hoarder (always has been but we never visited her, she always done the visiting) and is making our home embarrassing. She leaves rubbish/food/dirt everywhere, parks her car whenever she likes rather than considerately often blocking us in or out and is just very very lazy so buys lots of food and items, never packs them away, then goes and buys more. Doesn’t sweep, lets food rot, you name it!

She doesn’t pay anything to contribute and has the family home she is renting out, although she is in her 70’s so managed by her children she receives the finances. Everytime we go in the garden, i’m met with rubbish and smells which wasn’t a problem before she moved in, making me now not want to go outside which inadvertently means she takes up ‘more’ space as it’s unused. I’m talking filled bin bags that haven’t found the big bin yet, but then get ripped and go everywhere.

if I had my way, she would move out. i’ve tried being nice and telling her to clean, DH has also although he is a people pleaser. She is a hoarder and genuinely see’s no wrong with how she lives.

YABU- it’s his mum and his culture, don’t argue try and live with it
YANBU- ifs your home she has moved into. She needs to live how you do….

Thanks

OP posts:
NewbieSM · 16/05/2026 03:20

Make him choose its you or her, hoarding and zero financial contribution from her is unacceptable. Sounds like she has the finances to move out and live in her own house which she can fill with as much rubbish as she likes

knitnerd90 · 16/05/2026 03:17

She’s a hoarder. She will not change unless there is motivation to do so. I’ve seen stories where hoarders destroyed their children’s homes.

you have to proceed from that, and you need to get your husband on side. Hoarding is a mental illness and requires therapy.