To wonder why people sometimes ghost good friends who did nothing wrong?

A proper friendship is a two way street. You want the other person to enjoy your company and feel good about themselves because they are your friend. I see all the friendship dramas in here and roll my eyes because the few friends I have (every one of whom I met after the age of 40) are trusted (a massive thing for me) and I want them to be happy,

The example I used upthread about friends getting pregnant - I wasn’t envious or angry. I just wasn’t interested. I understood the next few years was going to be a certain way for them and I had no interest in that.

No-one ghosts someone for no reason. Fact.

I agree 100%. But I’m stunned by the drama in some friendships. She said this, then someone else said that… it’s like people in their 40s and 50s have never got past the early teen stage

My dc godmother. I think I knew too much about her very religious husband’s affairs so when they moved away to start a fresh, I think I was part of wiping the slate clean. She’s not on any social media and changed her phone number. I still feel sad. I’m still friends with her dh and adult dc on Facebook and we like each other’s posts - I love seeing them grow/marry etc but ex friend isn’t on there and the connection has gone. She was the sister I never had… then she cut ties. I’m confident it was about her and not me. Sadly she’s still with her arsehole husband who makes her feel less than.

I dont 'ghost' people i just lose touch with them, no need for a modern ghost label to be stuck on it

But how can anyone who’s been ghosted possibly know that for certain?

I’ve recently been ghosted. Her last message was suggesting a drink. I replied and then… nothing. Obviously something has gone wrong, I just don’t know what.

I did when my daughter died. I just got up, got my other kids to school, somehow scraped through the day, picked them up from school and went through the motions at night.

I did that and realised one day I hadn’t messaged my two best friends for 6 months. One had periodically messaged me just filling me in on things without any obligation to reply. I messaged her that day. She messaged me that night and we saw each other the next day.

the other hadn’t messsged for 5 months and I felt too awkward to message that day. I messaged her a few weeks later and she replied making it very clear she didn’t do flaky friends and wasn’t someone that could just be picked back upon the later. We’d been friends for 20 years but we’ve never spoken since.

That was possibly not actually true but sounded better than the real reason.

There WILL be a reason why they dropped you as a friend, whether you agree with it or not.

There's always a reason. Someone who I will call 'F' has 'ghosted' me recently, and I know I haven't done anything wrong by my perception. However I can think of several reasons she may have. We used to be part of a friendship group, and we both had taken a fancy to someone else 'K' in said group. I dated this person however at the time I didn't know 'F' had a genuine interest in them, I learned this later. Also, the person I dated told me lies about F, which I again, only learned were lies later. I wasn't close to F and had no idea of any of it.

Some months later, me and F reconnected and got on very well. We became friends, shared a lot, messaged often etc however she has since stopped replying to any contact from me. I have left it. Although I am certain F is aware that I have no malice toward her, and never did, I may be a reminder of a painful time. I also know F has struggled with her MH for various reasons and may just find holding a friendship with me too tiresome at the moment. I haven't probed and I still follow her on some social media, but I appreciate her reasons (that I may even have no idea about). If she wants to ever be back in touch, that's fine and I will be understanding but if I was a different type of person (in my experience!) I may well be saying she's 'ghosted me for no reason'. This isn't the only example I have.

I 'ghosted' 'K' after finding out what type of a person they were! Lies etc. Being said sort of person, I am certain K will have vilified me and said I ghosted them for no reason.

I also 'ghosted' a friend or more accurately, drifted until nothingness was all that was left. I have every reason to believe she will be telling everyone she's no idea why.

My actual reasons are, I realised she wasn't a friend at all. She was jealous of me, and didn't like the fact that as we grew older I didn't allow her to boss me around any more!

Mine ghosted me (before it was called that) because I knew too much. She did the same to another of her friends for the same reason. If she ever decided to get back in touch I would be thrilled.

I’m sorry for your loss. Honestly if your former friend had so little empathy that she could attack you as a “flaky friend” then I think you are better off without her in your life.

Has anyone else noticed that quite a number of threads have been bumped back up over the last few days, that were posted 3+ months ago, and hadn't been posted on for more than 3 months?

Really odd.

I have ghosted good friends. It’s always been because I have a really high-stress job that bleeds into evenings, weekends and every holiday. I also had small children, no help outside DH, and I was just at my absolute capacity to cope. I didn’t have anything left to offer. I’m also someone who needs time alone to recuperate/ reset, so any spare minutes I had went to that.

I don’t know. I had a friend I’d known since we were at school. We weren’t close but kept in touch over the years for Christmas and birthdays, the odd email and zoom call and we shared a holiday together that other people attended, too.

A couple of years ago, I emailed her and she didn’t respond. I sent her an ecard and I saw that she opened it but didn’t reply. She didn’t send me a birthday card but I sent one to her. It’s her birthday a few months after mine: it was a physical card and I put a friendly message in it. Again, she didn’t respond . I took the hint and didn’t send her a Christmas card and she didn’t send me one. I have absolutely no idea why. We didn’t have a fallout and nothing changed. I imagine that she just decided it wasn’t worth the effort because my friendship didn’t mean that much to her.

I really regret this. We weren’t close but it meant a lot to me that we’d kept in touch over the years. I can only think that whatever I am, wasn’t what she wanted anymore. It hurts and I would love to be in contact with her. But I can take a hint and I’ll leave it there.

I have a friend who thinks I ghosted her. We drifted apart because she was never interested in what was going on in my life, only her issues. Eventually it did come to a head and I explained why we had drifted. Only for her to reject my reasons and insinuate that I was a liar and a coward. At which point I stopped responding to her. She still contacts me periodically to say she has no idea why we're no longer friends. Nothing else I can do if she's not willing to accept the explanation - she doesn't have to agree with it but dismissing my feelings in the way she did pretty much sums up the entire friendship.

Maybe people just busier now. Op it happened to me just friendships that ghosted me. I think people flaky now. Quick to cancel plans too. I dialled back my efforts now just have couple friends. Suits me fine

Got rid these ones too must catch up soon xx. Lol.

I’m doing it just now.

Friend from college. She was a few years older than me but we overlapped and were part of the same group.

Shes always been my least favourite of the group but I put up with it. Now, I just can’t be bothered. Life is too short.

i have to ghost as she hasn’t actually done anything wrong. I just don’t like her. And that’s an awful thing to say to someone.

She is very flaky. No real qualifications (changed college course numerous times then dropped out). Changes jobs constantly. And partners. Has 1 kid and I feel doesn’t always make the best choices where they are concerned.

None of that is anything to do with me. But everytime we meet up (group of 5) she waxes lyrics about how she’s the happiest she’s ever been, the new job is life changing, she’s so good at it and probably going to be promoted already and so on and so on.

i know she’s probably unhappy and fooling herself. But it’s very draining. She has no interest in my life and doesn’t retain any information from one meet up to the next. There’s 5 of us yet she dominates the conversation.

She is the hardest to pin down for meet ups, so I’m just going to stop trying so hard to accommodate her. If she can’t make it, we go ahead without her.

there have been a couple of times lately when other girls dropped out and I ended up meeting her one on one. Never again. I’ve known her for 25 years yet everytime it’s like speaking to a stranger as she doesn’t retain any of the subtext of my life and doesn’t understand my job, my schedule, my family etc in a way that friends do.

To be honest, the whole group has gone very quiet lately and I suspect she is the reason.

I’ve just had a clear out. I’ve deleted conversations on WhatsApp, text and messenger.

No fall out. Nothing has happened.
All long term friendships, 10-20 year plus some of them.

Friendship just means something very different to me than it does to them and I have taken the hint and stepped back and now away.

I won’t now be in touch with any of them from herein.

And no, I’m not intense or demanding or high maintenance.
All get togethers were initiated and arranged by me, maybe every few months with each.
The last year has shown that unless I drop them a message, there is no contact.
It’s very very sad but that’s just the way it is.

This is totally me. I’ve got to an age where I’m no longer the default messager, organiser, person who reaches out. I’ve ghosted a couple of very old friends, basically stopped contacting them, and, what do you know, they haven’t bothered getting in touch with me. Which tells me everything I need to know about how they really feel about our friendship. I have a small but great group of friends where we all put equal effort and energy in and that’s who I’m concentrating on from now on.

You've answered your own question.
You may not like it, agree with it, understand it or empathise/sympathise with it.
Bottom line - if someone's world as they know it shrinks or caves in due to poor physical or mental health, divorce, caring responsibilities, nervous breakdown etc - they may not feel able to talk to, reach out to or discuss with someone who knew them in a different life.
Despair, guilt, shame, chronic depression, embarrassment, any negative feelings - they may not want to share with someone who knew a different them and is a reminder of what they have lost.
Alternatively, it may not be the friend but a third party, the friend's spouse for example, that they do not get on with. Or the friend has had a different trajectory and drifting apart was not necessarily inevitable but ghosting easier than saying your husband's a twat or you've changed/it's not me, it's you.

Not necessarily. My partner was really good friends with two women. One of them suddenly stopped replying to messages and deleted them from social media. Absolutely nothing had happened and they’re both baffled.

Yes Im the one checking in always.. then a year passes. I just got tired of one way efforts. I did bump into one kept it light and then said bye. I just dont have energy for it all

I ghosted a friend I was in a group of three with. Since the other two were friends first and have a few things more in common than me, it meant letting go of the friendship with both of them and I am slightly sad about that (as I liked friend 2).

Friend 1 had many good points. She was the organiser of the group, came up with some great ideas for days out and meals out, she was a generous host and had lots of get up and go. She was absolutely brilliant if you were ill, helped me with childcare on one or two occasions, brought me things if I was unwell. She bought thoughtful birthday presents.

However, her negative points swung the balance so much for me that in the end I just didn't want to spend time with her any more. She was very stressed, obsessive about her children's education, absolutely fixated on schools, hated not being able to afford private school. She had an extremely stressful and responsible job in health which, I fully understand, she probably wasn't paid enough for. But these were her two main topics of conversation. She didn't seem to have any interests other than cycling and running and putting her workouts on Facebook. Every time we went anywhere she would take a group photo and share it on Facebook even though every single time I would ask her not to. She was bitchy about neighbours and other people we all knew. She was kind of depressed and always frowning, complaining or being negative. So, no, she didn't do any obvious thing wrong per se. I just wanted to phase her out and I'm so glad I have done and I haven't missed her really one little bit.

There is no protocols for ending the relationship. It f they are a nice person but just not for you. Not interested in the same things. You just don’t really enjoy spending your limited free time with them. They get phased out. In a romantic relationship you can end things abruptly. It’s not done in friendships.