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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

169 replies

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 20:12

I work three days a week. One day is a shorter day; the trade off for this is that I come in twice a year to help with something I’m quite knowledgeable about.

Originally I was asked to come in next Tuesday (I don’t work Tuesdays.) I checked with DH he was OK to take a days annual leave and have the children; he agreed. Now I’m not needed after all. I haven’t told him.

I am planning to just have a day to myself.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pistachiocake · 09/05/2026 21:05

If I was in chronic pain, and my partner lied to me, I would be really angry. If he's in pain, and you're exhausted, you both need to work together to try and find solutions that work for you both. Asking friends and family? Trying to adjust work patterns? Seeking more help from the GP (for your husband)? Not lying.

Bobbie12345678 · 09/05/2026 20:57

No. Discuss it. Come up with some solutions as a couple. Probably save his annual leave day and arrange to have a weekend day to yourself instead.
Or you use one of your annual leave days instead and have a day off when the kids are in childcare( or whatever you normally do on your work days).
Just lying is sly and risks getting caught out. At that point you lose any higher ground you might have to ask him to help more.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 09/05/2026 20:40

Pugglywuggly · 09/05/2026 20:18

I would be really pissed off if I was trying to help my partner out and took annual leave to support them only for them to treat me like a mug and sneak off for the day.
If you need a day off, tell him. But don't be devious and take the piss.

Having ready your update, I have more sympathy. If he has lots of time to himself but you don’t get any opportunity then fair enough. But it’s a sad relationship if you can’t communicate openly.

MissCooCooMcgoo · 09/05/2026 20:39

@iwonderwhythen JFDI you deserve time for yourself.

However once properly rested, you do need to have a bigger and harder conversation around getting equal support.

Original poster
iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 20:35

So - our children are only young. One is in reception, the other is two.

It probably does make me a dick but I know if I was honest he wouldn’t book the day off, and he has plenty of annual leave left and takes days for himself a fair bit.

It’s never been the most equal relationship in terms of caring for children / housework / cooking but lately things have been ridiculous. Trying to be factual here - DH is suffering from unidentified but chronic pain. He regularly lies down for long periods, he leaves literally everything to me and makes a massive deal out of tiny tasks. I am very tired.

OP posts:
Pugglywuggly · 09/05/2026 20:29

Walkyrie · 09/05/2026 20:28

If DH did this I wouldn’t care.

I would want to check he wasn’t having an affair however.

That sounds like you'd care quite a lot 😂

PoppinjayPolly · 09/05/2026 20:28

How old are the dc and where are they on the 3 days you work? Does dh get a break ever?

Walkyrie · 09/05/2026 20:28

If DH did this I wouldn’t care.

I would want to check he wasn’t having an affair however.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 09/05/2026 20:27

I would just talk to him. My DH would be totally fine with this, especially if he’d already booked the annual leave etc.

Thingsthatgo · 09/05/2026 20:26

If your DH is a complete dickhead, then I guess it’s fine. Wouldn’t you be pissed off if he did the same to you?

Getmeacoffeenow · 09/05/2026 20:25

I think it’s really mean to let him use his a/l
for this unless there’s a back story that he’s a dickhead.

You should be able to take a break from parenting in an honest way.

Can you not book a hotel for 1 night at the weekend solo?

MissCooCooMcgoo · 09/05/2026 20:24

My DH is ND and has serious rejection sensitivity. My children are also ND.

At least once a year I say I have to travel for work when I don't and book a hotel an hour away for a proper break and a decent night's sleep. I save 3 days annual leave specifically for this.

I don't state the real reason because I will be met with the sulks and a guilt trip. So instead I lie. So shoot me.

JLou08 · 09/05/2026 20:24

If you need to lie to get a break, your DH doesn't deserve your honesty anyway. In your situation I'd tell DH I don't need to work now but could do with a break, he would keep the days leave and I would have a break.

CoffeeNDogs · 09/05/2026 20:22

Just tell your partner and say you want to do xyz. I am sure it's going to be fine

Crunchymum · 09/05/2026 20:22

I'd be looking at why you are so burnt out and unsupported that this is the only way you get some time off of parenting?

Also I wouldn't lie as what if next week your work call you in on a Tuesday and you need DH to have the kids?

Moonnstarz · 09/05/2026 20:21

I think it's fine to want a day to yourself, but agree with previous comments not to lie about it. Presumably you would have to be out the house all day anyway to get the child free day (unless you are assuming he is taking the children out) so would have to get up and act as if going to work, so surely it would be easier to tell the truth.

Boreded · 09/05/2026 20:19

Yeah you are lying to your partner so that makes you a dick for starters. If you need a break then tell him and act like an adult instead of a child

Peonies12 · 09/05/2026 20:19

How would you feel if your DH did this? I wouldn’t be happy if mine did this, so I wouldn’t do it.if you need a break, have an adult conversation about that with your DH.

Pugglywuggly · 09/05/2026 20:18

I would be really pissed off if I was trying to help my partner out and took annual leave to support them only for them to treat me like a mug and sneak off for the day.
If you need a day off, tell him. But don't be devious and take the piss.

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