Page 6 | Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

iwonderwhythen · 2026-05-09T19:12:46+00:00

I work three days a week. One day is a shorter day; the trade off for this is that I come in twice a year to help with something I’m quite knowledgeable about. Originally I was asked to come in next Tuesday (I don’t work Tuesdays.) I checked with DH he was OK to take a days annual leave and have the children; he agreed. Now I’m not needed after all. I haven’t told him. I am planning to just have a day to myself. AIBU?

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 09/05/2026 22:46

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 21:55

The solutions would not work.

DH wouldn’t want me to have ‘a weekend day to myself.’ He could have offered any time in the last three years. He hasn’t, because he doesn’t want both children together all day. And I don’t want him to either as the house would be trashed. So to use a very MN phrase, that doesn’t work for me.

I don’t have annual leave. I’m a teacher.

Yes, I know ideally I’d be able to say ‘darling I am burnt out and exhausted and I desperately need this day.’ But that’s not my reality. I probably wouldn’t have lied if I hadn’t originally been asked to go in but as it is I’m Just Not Telling!

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Just do it then. I think I’d be really anxious about lying to my DW, as I don’t normally have a reason to lie but if you’re comfortable with it and you deffo won’t get caught, then just enjoy a day off and know that you deserve it, even if it’s is a sneaky thing to do

Moonnstarz · 09/05/2026 22:44

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 22:39

Because I cannot afford it!

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Then you need a discussion with your husband about sharing responsibilities better and if he doesn't want to use annual leave then you need to look at paying for childcare and what can be sacrificed.
I would be annoyed if my husband asked me to take a day off so they could be covered at work, only to find out they were all on a jolly. That would break my trust in them and if you are happy to go behind your partners back then I think you have bigger issues going on.

Original poster

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 22:39

Moonnstarz · 09/05/2026 22:37

Why don't you just book the youngest into nursery an extra day occasionally?
From reading back through you work part time so usually have 2 days a week with you and the toddler (as the 5 year old is at school during the day). For that reason I think rather than lying you either say upfront what you are doing or make the suggestion that the youngest goes to nursery an extra day once a month.

Because I cannot afford it!

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Moonnstarz · 09/05/2026 22:37

Why don't you just book the youngest into nursery an extra day occasionally?
From reading back through you work part time so usually have 2 days a week with you and the toddler (as the 5 year old is at school during the day). For that reason I think rather than lying you either say upfront what you are doing or make the suggestion that the youngest goes to nursery an extra day once a month.

havingoneofthosedays · 09/05/2026 22:31

Honestly, I think you should book a day spa. Go and rest have time to yourself

WittyPearlSwan · 09/05/2026 22:30

Just tell him you need the day as he's got the AL already. Even if he doesn't like it at least you are being honest. Enjoy your day.

PassOnThat · 09/05/2026 22:29

I'd do it in your shoes as, in addition to you having a rest, it might be a good reminder for your DH firstly about how much you do for the family and second that he can pull his finger out and do some stuff occasionally rather than leaving it all to you and it won't kill him.

If he complains about how hard it is when you get back, I'd be saying "yes, yes, I find it very hard sometimes too, given that I do this almost everyday. In fact, I fantasize about abandoning you all and fleeing the country and it's only worry for the kids' welfare that's keeping me here".

Usethoseballsofjellyinyourhead · 09/05/2026 22:25

Op, I've done what you're suggesting and it was great! Allowed me to enjoy a full day of peace without the guilt of thinking 'I need to get back' or the expectation of 'you've just had a lovely day to yourself so here's the kids for you to look after all evening' when I returned.

I felt rested and ready for the chaos of family life for a bit longer.

Gowlett · 09/05/2026 22:25

You need this day off. Take it. Enjoy it.

LetaLestrange · 09/05/2026 22:23

MissCooCooMcgoo · 09/05/2026 20:24

My DH is ND and has serious rejection sensitivity. My children are also ND.

At least once a year I say I have to travel for work when I don't and book a hotel an hour away for a proper break and a decent night's sleep. I save 3 days annual leave specifically for this.

I don't state the real reason because I will be met with the sulks and a guilt trip. So instead I lie. So shoot me.

Could have written this myself - except the part where I actually go and take the day for myself!

Do it OP. Those saying “ooh you shouldn’t lie” clearly don’t understand your situation. If you were honest, you wouldn’t get the day.

Do what you gotta do

Original poster

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 22:21

Usethoseballsofjellyinyourhead · 09/05/2026 22:21

There are plenty of men who go in early to the office and stay late when they don't need to in order to avoid family responsibilities, they are doing exactly this but for shorter periods on a regular basis. Do you think any of them have angst or guilt about it?

That is a very good point.

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Usethoseballsofjellyinyourhead · 09/05/2026 22:21

There are plenty of men who go in early to the office and stay late when they don't need to in order to avoid family responsibilities, they are doing exactly this but for shorter periods on a regular basis. Do you think any of them have angst or guilt about it?

Original poster

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 22:20

Bobbie12345678 · 09/05/2026 22:19

How is it going to be any different with the day off next week you have planned? Won’t he have both kids all day then?

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No, one is in school for the day.

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Original poster

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 22:20

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/05/2026 22:06

You say he has never offered a weekend day but have you said to him you wanted one

if he can’t cope with a 2&5 for one day once every few months he’s a pretty crap dad and husband

I have never said ‘I want a day for me. I’m sick of the kids; I love them but they are doing my head in and I need a break from it.’

I have had half a day to see friends or to have a hair appointment or similar. Not very often; we’re talking maybe three or four times a year.

In fairness he would struggle to manage both kids due to pain. And I don’t want to come back to a destroyed house. So the Tuesday works better for us both.

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Bobbie12345678 · 09/05/2026 22:19

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 21:55

The solutions would not work.

DH wouldn’t want me to have ‘a weekend day to myself.’ He could have offered any time in the last three years. He hasn’t, because he doesn’t want both children together all day. And I don’t want him to either as the house would be trashed. So to use a very MN phrase, that doesn’t work for me.

I don’t have annual leave. I’m a teacher.

Yes, I know ideally I’d be able to say ‘darling I am burnt out and exhausted and I desperately need this day.’ But that’s not my reality. I probably wouldn’t have lied if I hadn’t originally been asked to go in but as it is I’m Just Not Telling!

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How is it going to be any different with the day off next week you have planned? Won’t he have both kids all day then?

Clefable · 09/05/2026 22:09

Take the day.

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/05/2026 22:06

You say he has never offered a weekend day but have you said to him you wanted one

if he can’t cope with a 2&5 for one day once every few months he’s a pretty crap dad and husband

10namechangeslater · 09/05/2026 22:00

Another useless man.

GinWizard · 09/05/2026 21:59

In light of your updates, take the day off!

Original poster

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 21:55

Bobbie12345678 · 09/05/2026 20:57

No. Discuss it. Come up with some solutions as a couple. Probably save his annual leave day and arrange to have a weekend day to yourself instead.
Or you use one of your annual leave days instead and have a day off when the kids are in childcare( or whatever you normally do on your work days).
Just lying is sly and risks getting caught out. At that point you lose any higher ground you might have to ask him to help more.

The solutions would not work.

DH wouldn’t want me to have ‘a weekend day to myself.’ He could have offered any time in the last three years. He hasn’t, because he doesn’t want both children together all day. And I don’t want him to either as the house would be trashed. So to use a very MN phrase, that doesn’t work for me.

I don’t have annual leave. I’m a teacher.

Yes, I know ideally I’d be able to say ‘darling I am burnt out and exhausted and I desperately need this day.’ But that’s not my reality. I probably wouldn’t have lied if I hadn’t originally been asked to go in but as it is I’m Just Not Telling!

OP posts:

10namechangeslater · 09/05/2026 21:54

Not only would I be taking the day to myself I’d be doing it regularly. Your DH sounds like he gets plenty of time to himself with you doing it all. And I’d spend my days alone planning a divorce.

notnowmaud · 09/05/2026 21:43

Do it. When my kids were at preschool, I suddenly found I had a spare day, I’ve never forgotten the sense of freedom! I took myself off to my nearest city, had a coffee, a lovely uninterrupted browse in a bookshop, brought a new pair of jeans and work trousers (both desperately needed due to postpartum weight loss) and a new comfy pair on work shoes as my feet widened during pregnancy and never went back to their much narrower pre baby form, it was a brilliant day! My husband would have been well pissed that I wasn’t catching up on chores, even though he had plenty of free time.

jellyfish798 · 09/05/2026 21:27

iwonderwhythen · 09/05/2026 20:35

So - our children are only young. One is in reception, the other is two.

It probably does make me a dick but I know if I was honest he wouldn’t book the day off, and he has plenty of annual leave left and takes days for himself a fair bit.

It’s never been the most equal relationship in terms of caring for children / housework / cooking but lately things have been ridiculous. Trying to be factual here - DH is suffering from unidentified but chronic pain. He regularly lies down for long periods, he leaves literally everything to me and makes a massive deal out of tiny tasks. I am very tired.

Do what you gotta do OP. Don't overthink it. Take the day and tell a white lie. I guarantee you many ppl do this and just stick to their story x

Eenameenadeeka · 09/05/2026 21:24

Day to yourself - reasonable.
Lying to get it- unreasonable.
If he's so useless that a day for yourself isn't something he's willing to facilitate, that's a pretty big problem.

HotWheel5 · 09/05/2026 21:12

I don’t think you should lie.

But equally it’s an absolute piss take that DH is using lots of annual leave on himself while I presume, yours is usually taken up in childcare?

If you are going to take Tuesday off I’d use it to plan what you want from the conversation you need to have with your DH about the current vastly unequal split you have in your relationship.