Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

Why do you not get the 30hrs

you say too expensive but surely the odd day is money well spent v your mental health if dh isn’t going to change /help you at all

Yeah lying to you're other half, that's healthy. Hell no, talk to him.

But wouldn't the money be worth it? Assuming it's about £48

Tell him in a matter of fact way at the last second. Blame them for the late notice (don't say how late).
"School told me that I'm not needed today after all. Shame they didn't do that before the arrangements were made! Nevermind - I'm popping out now, see you at x o'clock"
Don't constantly pander to him to keep the peace, you'll lose yourself and it's not good for him either.

Can you just book your 2 year old into an extra day of nursery? Then have a day to yourself?
I don't mean all the time, just a one off if they can fit her in? My nursery do that for Christmas shopping etc.

As I said in my first message, she should address the issues in the relationship head on. But it's abundantly clear from this thread that she won't because 'yes, but......'. And now she's got a whole team of mumsnetters like you yes butting on her behalf.

Can you tell DH and spend a day with him and the children? Or explain to him that you feel exhausted and are going to have a day to yourself. Don't lie or be devious.

Read whole thread. With circumstances the way they are. Take the bloody day. You need it

I have five children two years between them.when they were little I had absolutely no help from anyone.my husband always working,in laws and my own mum never helped out once.i worked part time.my asthma used to be very bad and life was hell.for goodness sake get on with it.

It's not hard at all. I'm guessing he uses every scrap of energy he has to keep going w his job and is only able to do so if he then rests at the weekend.

Sounds like he needs a part time job but he may not want that, nor may the OP unless he then uses some of the tie he's not working to pick up the slack at home.

@iwonderwhythen I came on here to say YABU but actually you've convinced me - take your day.
But also think hard about your future.

Agree

Well you are drained as well as doing all the holidays byself

dh needs to man up a bit over telling off and boundaries and reinforce toys go back /cushions back on sofa

or could he take them out to he park /soft play /swimming /national trust and have a run around for a few hours so you can recharge batteries

Not sure why you don’t get the 30hrs / if dh earns too much then there should be extra to put 2yr into nursery for an extra half /full day

@Moonnstarz If you are going to do it then you should do as someone above says and to say you are no longer needed in work and that as the leave is already booked then he should go ahead with whatever he would do with the toddler that day.

I can’t speak for the op but for me that would have gone something like
”ok I’ll cancel my leave then”
or
“As I’m no longer needed then I’ll get on with xyz” - Jobs that need doing (but not urgently) and that I can’t argue against because they are useful but that still mean I’m in charge of the toddler.

Or if I pushed further and said “I thought as you’re off I’d go for a walk/go to the shops/have a bit of time to myself” He’d insist on us all going together and I’d still be the default parent, get everything ready etc then we’d have got home and he’d have sat on the sofa/gone for a nap whilst I got on with parenting/making dinner etc.

As I said before it is no longer like this, but when the dc were tiny it was. He wasn’t intentionally being a dick, he just didn’t understand, and me trying to make him understand led to arguments. He immediately went on the defensive and thought I was saying he did nothing when what I was trying to express was that occasionally I needed to be able to do something by myself without small children attached to me and that he didn’t understand how intense it was because he was never fully responsible for them 24/7. In his mind I was already doing what I wanted all day everyday because I wasn’t at work-he couldn’t comprehend that there was no opportunity to do what I wanted whilst looking after an 18 month old and a 4 year old all day (as well as two older ones outside of school hours)

You posted in AIBU. And that is what I have answered. YABU for lying to your husband. You have gone on to post various excuses for why you feel you need to do that. Maybe if you wanted just a sympathetic ear to your situation maybe a post in relationships would have been better.
I am not disagreeing that you shouldn't have time to yourself, but the way you are going about it is wrong and shows the bigger issues in your relationship (which it sounds like you agree do exist, but you don't want to leave him because it now sounds like he earns more and therefore you don't want to lose that support).

He has chronic pain. Would you describe a woman who had chronic pain useless? I suspect not just another man hater

Is this now going to be a drip feed that the son is ND?
Why is he allowed to trash the house? Why aren't the toys being removed? Even if ND there should be consequences to his behaviour.