Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

Oh 100% just do it. He’ll never know and you deserve a day to yourself!

You can definitely afford a day to give yourself a break sometimes then .

If the household, childcare, mental load isn’t fairly split … it doesn’t sound as if it is, go for it! Enjoy your day off. I’d suggest a nice fancy breakfast, the cinema, lunch on the go, a spot of shopping and then a walk somewhere scenic … my exH never did his fair share of anything. I used to insist he look after our DDs when I did the weekly shop. I’d do an online click and collect order and go and sit in a coffee shop for a few hours.

First post nails it!

Hey OP,

I also teach 3 days. As you'll know, they're full on. I also have 3 DC and when they were younger loved the days off with them, but they're intense. I completely get needing a break. In your circumstances I'd absolutely do what you're planning. I had/ have the advantage of a partner who would give me time to myself at weekends & also more than pull his weight.

Can I also say, do not let him/ anyone else guilt you into going full time when your DC are older, unless you want to. My youngest is 14 & I still work 3 days: he has significant ASN & I need that time to decompress/ do everything round the house I can't when he's at home. A school day is short (when you're not working it!) & before you know it you're on the school run again. I could not cope being full time, & that's okay.

Enjoy your day.

Nope. A martyr like comment followed by "for goodness sake get on with it."

That's unnecessary.

It's not easy dealing with a teaching job, an ill DH and 2 children and there's no need for snotty comments like that.

I don't think it's awful, I think there is a reality to this.
While the OPs husband is clearly incapable of helping around the house and with the children, he does work full time while she works part time. On her two days off one child is at school, so does have just one child to occupy.
Surely this is a normal situation for many people where one person decides to fully take on the stay at home role or to work part time and therefore picks up more of the household responsibilities.
Yes he certainly should help at weekends, but there is some truth in being tired and life being full on working and having kids as just part of the norm.

Not saying don’t have a day to yourself, but be honest about it with your partner.
The resentment if he found out you’d lied… 😬 That’s no way to carry on.

You sound awful.

Op just do it. You want to and it sounds like you need to.

Because changing yourself is the only thing you have power over. You can't change other people. Also doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different outcome is insanity. Op needs to find her rage and stand up for herself instead of being a passive victim. She could start by looking at why she is so conflict avoidant.

Nope!
The point is to say it in a way that makes it clear you will not "get lumbered with the two year old".
You think that papering over the issues will either make them go away or will at least make them bearable. Won't work.

Do what you gotta do.

If feeling guilty (or judged) chalk it up to golf!

Enjoy your day!

Given that he wouldn’t take the time if you were honest about how burnt out you feel then please do it OP.

Go and have a day of rest and relaxation. If you can afford it, do something that you enjoy.

Shoot you? You deserve a flipping medal.

Can you not just be honest with him? I’ve taken a day off before when DH was supposed to be going to London and then that got cancelled, he had half the “day off” and I had the other half.

Wowsers!! Ok totally understand not wanting to do that. My nursery must be cheap!!

An odd day here and there would be well spent

£900 a month is what £100 a day if 3 days ish

one day a month that’s £25 a week if above is correct

It's totally and completely fine. Do it.

Having read the entire thread I think you're justified in lying/failing to inform him.
You can't pour from an empty cup and all that.

How much medical input has he had into the chronic pain issue? Is there still a chance they might find the cause, or is it at the stage where they've ruled out everything and basically said he has to suck it up?

It's very important to look after your own health.

If you are in the type of relationship that your DH isn't understanding of things others take for granted or are easily had then you will have to lie.

I have read on here most days of women checking into hotels for a night's break having lied to their partners that they are working with lots of suggestions of what food and drinks to have and cheering them on.

You're going out for a few hours, huge for you not such a big deal for others as we can do this when we want so probably find it hard to understand. Go and have a good day, don't feel guilty and look after yourself.

Agree.
It seems they have reached a point in their relationship where they can't talk about the big issues but she is also reluctant to leave him because it is 'easier and more practical' to stay.

It also sounds like he never pulled his weight (It’s never been the most equal relationship in terms of caring for children / housework / cooking) so why she decided having two children with this man was a good idea I don't know.

I would suggest maybe counselling to give her the chance to say how she feels with someone impartial present would be a good idea, but I expect the excuse for that would be too expensive and no childcare.

Why does she need to change? She's not the one who refuses to look after her own children?

I see that you changing isn't on your list of options.