Sick of parenting. AIBU to lie to get a break?

At first glance I thought you were being unreasonable, but after your update it sounds like he takes the piss. Maybe you should develop some unidentifiable chronic pain yourself that requires some lengthy lie downs?

So - our children are only young. One is in reception, the other is two.

It probably does make me a dick but I know if I was honest he wouldn’t book the day off, and he has plenty of annual leave left and takes days for himself a fair bit.

It’s never been the most equal relationship in terms of caring for children / housework / cooking but lately things have been ridiculous. Trying to be factual here - DH is suffering from unidentified but chronic pain. He regularly lies down for long periods, he leaves literally everything to me and makes a massive deal out of tiny tasks. I am very tired.

My DH is ND and has serious rejection sensitivity. My children are also ND.

At least once a year I say I have to travel for work when I don't and book a hotel an hour away for a proper break and a decent night's sleep. I save 3 days annual leave specifically for this.

I don't state the real reason because I will be met with the sulks and a guilt trip. So instead I lie. So shoot me.

So - our children are only young. One is in reception, the other is two.

It probably does make me a dick but I know if I was honest he wouldn’t book the day off, and he has plenty of annual leave left and takes days for himself a fair bit.

It’s never been the most equal relationship in terms of caring for children / housework / cooking but lately things have been ridiculous. Trying to be factual here - DH is suffering from unidentified but chronic pain. He regularly lies down for long periods, he leaves literally everything to me and makes a massive deal out of tiny tasks. I am very tired.

I honestly don’t mean this in a high handed or lofty way but you have no way of knowing that without knowing our finances, our fixed outgoings and commitments and things that need to be paid for. DH would never agree to it, and I certainly can’t afford it so that’s that.

I don’t want to sound awful about DH. He does have good qualities (I realise I haven’t sold him on this thread) but if we take this weekend as a for instance.

Friday night; I picked DD up after nursery as always. he was supposed to have DD and I took DS to a PTA event for the school. DD ended up coming with me. So I have them both all evening. OK. I give them a quick shower, stories and bed.

(I am woken twice in the night by DD.)

Saturday - DD up at half six; has a cuddle in bed with me. Then ds is up. This forces DH up; he gives DS some cereal and that’s the extent of it while I get everyone dressed, teeth brushed, out of the house for 830 for swimming. Then after swimming we go for a walk round a pond to look at the ducklings and stay a while so it’s half twelve when we’re home. I make lunch. We eat lunch. DD then nods off (unusual but late night Friday) for an hour and is on me so I actually get to sit down. Ds is wandering around a bit aimless during this time.

I do actually get an hour to myself to dash to the shops and get a birthday present for a party. Then home, do a quick tea (because of the party) get everyone ready for party, present wrapped etc. we go to the party, leave the house at 6, home by 8. I get them showered and stories and to bed by about 9; another late one but that’s OK.

Sunday morning is a bit calmer as they sleep until 7. DH actually comes with us this time as it’s end of season for a sporting activity and there’s a barbecue. Then when he get home he lies down and I clean the kitchen. I then take the children to a charity event; we’re out 2-4, come home and DH isn’t here. I make dinner. DH home at 5. We eat dinner. Showers etc. I’m posting this as dd is in the bath.

So - you can see why I’m a bit shattered. My ‘break’ of sorts will come tomorrow when ds is at school, but I’ve still got dd tomorrow and Tuesday. Then work myself Wednesday - Friday.

It isn’t his fault but I NEED SOME TIME TO BREATHE!

The solutions would not work.

DH wouldn’t want me to have ‘a weekend day to myself.’ He could have offered any time in the last three years. He hasn’t, because he doesn’t want both children together all day. And I don’t want him to either as the house would be trashed. So to use a very MN phrase, that doesn’t work for me.

I don’t have annual leave. I’m a teacher.

Yes, I know ideally I’d be able to say ‘darling I am burnt out and exhausted and I desperately need this day.’ But that’s not my reality. I probably wouldn’t have lied if I hadn’t originally been asked to go in but as it is I’m Just Not Telling!

If you are so exhausted can you cut back on activities?
This weekend describes particularly manic, but if most weekends are like that then no wonder you are feeling wiped out.
It sounds like Saturday is always swimming first thing and Sunday may have also been a sporting activity - but is that one now finished?

I honestly don’t mean this in a high handed or lofty way but you have no way of knowing that without knowing our finances, our fixed outgoings and commitments and things that need to be paid for. DH would never agree to it, and I certainly can’t afford it so that’s that.

I don’t want to sound awful about DH. He does have good qualities (I realise I haven’t sold him on this thread) but if we take this weekend as a for instance.

Friday night; I picked DD up after nursery as always. he was supposed to have DD and I took DS to a PTA event for the school. DD ended up coming with me. So I have them both all evening. OK. I give them a quick shower, stories and bed.

(I am woken twice in the night by DD.)

Saturday - DD up at half six; has a cuddle in bed with me. Then ds is up. This forces DH up; he gives DS some cereal and that’s the extent of it while I get everyone dressed, teeth brushed, out of the house for 830 for swimming. Then after swimming we go for a walk round a pond to look at the ducklings and stay a while so it’s half twelve when we’re home. I make lunch. We eat lunch. DD then nods off (unusual but late night Friday) for an hour and is on me so I actually get to sit down. Ds is wandering around a bit aimless during this time.

I do actually get an hour to myself to dash to the shops and get a birthday present for a party. Then home, do a quick tea (because of the party) get everyone ready for party, present wrapped etc. we go to the party, leave the house at 6, home by 8. I get them showered and stories and to bed by about 9; another late one but that’s OK.

Sunday morning is a bit calmer as they sleep until 7. DH actually comes with us this time as it’s end of season for a sporting activity and there’s a barbecue. Then when he get home he lies down and I clean the kitchen. I then take the children to a charity event; we’re out 2-4, come home and DH isn’t here. I make dinner. DH home at 5. We eat dinner. Showers etc. I’m posting this as dd is in the bath.

So - you can see why I’m a bit shattered. My ‘break’ of sorts will come tomorrow when ds is at school, but I’ve still got dd tomorrow and Tuesday. Then work myself Wednesday - Friday.

It isn’t his fault but I NEED SOME TIME TO BREATHE!