AIBU to resent DH constantly complaining about tiredness since DD was born

I certainly wouldn’t have any more children with this manbaby. You are clearly doing every single thing yourself here.

Sorry, but you are not overthinking this. He sounds horrible.

He needs to get a grip, but he won’t. I am not exaggerating, this is divorce worth it for me.

Tell him to go to his GP and report the tiredness, when he comes back with the all clear tell him to stop moaning and take up more of the slack.

He will be too tired to read it

I'd show him this thread OP. He sounds like a nightmare. It must be impossible to feel attracted to him.

Presumably @Weareallreallytired started the thread to off load rather than to actually engage and get any useful advice

I’ve had norovirus twice since my 2 year old was born. Once when he was 5 months old and I was still breastfeeding. I still insisted on feeding him overnight so every time he woke up (average of 3 times a night then), his dad woke up too and fetched him from his room, gave him to me to feed, then put him back to bed while i went and threw my guts up. He then got up at 7 to go to work. That’s what fathers should be doing. You’ve apparently got two children, not one. You deserve better.

A lot of Mrm suffer so much when their partner gives up 9 months of their life and agree to carry their offspring and endure HOURS of painful Labor pains with parts of her body ripped to shreds; they suffer so much and it's good that the government now recognise FATHER SUFFERING and have legislated for PATERNAL LEAVE. These poor souls, need nurturing again just like as if it was their SECOND Childhood. No one should expect them to contribute anything to the relationship apart from having a job, we don't want to increase their suffering further by asking them to mend a shelf, of retrieve their own cutlery from the draw, that could come across as abuse.

”I’m soooo tired” has worked very nicely for him hasn’t it? It’s got him out of night duties and all sorts of responsibilities for his child. I think the problem is that men like this place no value on the role the OP has so they refuse to entertain the idea that the other parent needs sleep, downtime and a break, wheeling out the trump card of “busy career” to shut down any equality in parenting. It’s not just about division of labour, picking up the lion’s share is fair enough but no one should be doing 100% while the other parent opts out of night shifts altogether. There are many many men and women who have demanding careers and also get up at 2am to settle a child etc, during the working week, definitely at the weekend, more so when on holiday.

The problem with this kind of man is that he will insist the grind and the sleepless nights are all down to OP then criticise OP later for not being the shiny carefree version of herself. What happens if a parent like OP was to be seriously ill or if there is a divorce, forcing care of children on a regular basis?

Is he older OP? Or just needs more sleep?

I'm not saying the moaning is ok at all, but it took me ages to realise that my OH just needs a lot more sleep than I do. We’re past the night waking and early starts phase (but they were brutal, I do remember the pain well) and he still takes himself upstairs for a nap every weekend. The difference is he doesn’t spend the whole time moaning about it.

When my male colleagues have children I give them two pieces of advice. Never, ever talk about how tired you are. And never, ever question did the baby wake in the night. Chances are they did and you slept through it! Absolutely rage inducing.

Ill my arse!

He’s just a lazy, selfish, sack of shit.

He’s got you over a barrel here with the whole “ooh I have such a big, important and exhausting job” and clearly his expectation is that you shoulder the full responsibility and exhaustion of parenting whilst he snivels about how tired he is.

Fuck him I say!

I get up with her every morning even when we were on holiday, I didn’t get 1 lie in as he was soooo exhausted from work.

Why are you enabling him? It's normal for couples to nudge each other in bed and mutter 'your turn'. Why don't you insist that he takes his share of the early mornings at weekends and holiday times?

How has his life actually changed since she was born?

Not every man is seeing another woman !
There jobs that are just like this. Where at a particular time you have to work all hours.

I am a SAHM and EBF. Does not stop DH being a parent to our child.

Weekends we each get a lie in if we want. Bedtimes get split but honestly he does a few more as he likes to catch up on time he didn't get to see DD in the day.

DH has a tough job, is a high earner with all the stress he carries from that. Has to work in the US regularly. Having a good job is NOT an excuse to leave all the parenting to the woman.

Your DH needs to up his game, massively.

What is his job? Why is he working such long hours and what events must he attend? Sounds a bit odd to me - are you sure there is not another woman?

He can't change how he honestly feels.

Both things can be true - that you are very tired and that he is very tired.

Regardless of how tired he is, you should roster one night each week for him to be the one waking in the night for the baby. It will ensure he is less ignorant of what you do and it will give you a chance to catch up on sleep.

What does he expect you to do about it ?
You are both tired. You both need to respect each other are doing their best.

Talk to him. Explain the constant references mean you feel he is criticising you in some way.

He will say he’s too tired to read it

We did this as an exercise in our NCT lessons many years ago! It was so powerful and we and our friends we made during that time still talk about it.

This is excellent thank you . I have a similar situation at home

Talk to him again. Tell him I need you to listen to me properly. I need you to hear me. I need you to really think about what I'm telling you. Then tell him what you've written here.

Understandable he's tired at times but unbelievable that it doesn't cross his mind that you might too and that you're entitled to a lie in once a week. Would be reasonable to both get a lie in at the weekend.

He should recognise that your role is non stop and appreciate what you're doing.

Good luck.

how does it play out in practise.

He says yes he will change and then doesn’t?
or
he says “nah I’m not changing”

What has that to do with anything?

Jesus, child is 18 months, how does he think mums cope that go back to work and have to do both?
He needs to go to the GP ASAP, and find another job that he can deal with