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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is rude behaviour from friends?

84 replies

LuLuLemonadeDrinker · 07/05/2026 10:50

Sounds like a small thing but it really pissed me off!

I have two friends that I often meet up with as a group of 3. We all get on well, no one gets left out, and I like them both. Whenever we meet up for coffee, meals or drinks out, I'm always first to offer to pay for all three of us. I'd say I pay for all three of us more than a third of the time. I feel like I've also been a good friend to the other two in many ways. Both can be quite self absorbed.

On Saturday the three of us went shopping together. We went into a coffee shop to get a drink and something to eat. It was the kind of shop where you queue at the counter, choose your food and then they get it ready for you to take over to your table. I suppose how places like Costa do things too.

My friends were ahead of me in the queue. Friend 1 asked friend 2 what she wanted to eat and drink. The order was then prepared, Friend 1 paid for the two of them then they just grabbed the tray and went off together to a table over the far side of the coffee shop, out of view. There was no asking me if I wanted anything and neither said 'oh we'll just be over there LuLu'. It was as if I wasn't there.

I didn't say anything as it seemed too ridiculous in itself to say something but the more I've thought about it the more I think it was really quite rude of them and inconsiderate. I just ordered and paid for my own drink and then went and found them at their table but of course by the time I got there they were deep in conversation.

Like I said before, it seems like a small thing but it's annoyed me and just seems like they didn't consider me at all.

OP posts:
LuLuLemonadeDrinker · 07/05/2026 11:05

DowntonCrabby · 07/05/2026 11:02

They sound like ignorant assholes, not remotely like they are your friends.

What do you like about them? How have they demonstrated being a good friend to you previously?

I’d cut ties, even after this one incident, it was beyond rude. Flowers

Edited

I feel I'd be being a bit dramatic to cut ties after one incident but it's definitely made me more aware of their behaviour and I probably will pull back from the friendships a bit after this, for now anyway.

One in particular is a close friend, but she's become very self absorbed during the past couple of years due to a life event two years ago, and looking back she has just solidly talked about herself to me for two years now.

OP posts:
MeAndLicorice · 07/05/2026 11:04

That was definitely rude, and I suspect they’re closer to each other than they are to you. I’d pull back - just don’t suggest meet-ups, if they actually want to spend time with you they’ll get in touch.

KojaksLollipop · 07/05/2026 11:03

Very rude. Them moving floors without telling you seems deliberate trying to ditch you behaviour. I’m sorry, that’s shit to deal with.

LuLuLemonadeDrinker · 07/05/2026 11:02

Well, I do like them both, I feel like we do get on well but yes both are quite self absorbed. That doesn't mean I don't still like them though. They're not reluctant to pay their share, I just often offer.

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 07/05/2026 11:02

They sound like ignorant assholes, not remotely like they are your friends.

What do you like about them? How have they demonstrated being a good friend to you previously?

I’d cut ties, even after this one incident, it was beyond rude. Flowers

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 07/05/2026 11:01

Rude.

SilkSilk · 07/05/2026 11:00

You say ‘I like them both’ and ‘we get on well’, but you then describe them as ‘self-absorbed’, reluctant to pay their share, and apparently not that interested in your company. Which is it?

LuLuLemonadeDrinker · 07/05/2026 10:59

Yes that's a good point @Somesweetday . TBH I did feel a bit left out that day. We went into a shop after getting coffee and they both just went off to look at something together, leaving me browsing and I had no idea until they'd gone off. I had to go around the shop to find them. Was a fucking massive Primark too and they weren't even on my floor!

OP posts:
Somesweetday · 07/05/2026 10:57

I think it's rude to the point of seeming deliberate OP.

You say We all get on well, no one gets left out but you definitely got left out in the situation you describe.