In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

The job market is shit. Even supermarket jobs, retail, hospitality are getting dozens of applicants per job, and for many you have to get through impossible online questionnaires.

Do you really think Asda are going to rush to employ an 80k professional to stack shelves or man the tills, when they could easily find someone who is a longer-term bet, and may be younger and cheaper?

If you still think it is easy to get a casual job, have a read of this (one poster says, "Dd1 went through Asda’s online interview process. It was insane. I recruit graduates for complex, sensitive work and don’t put them through that shite.")

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5522878-aibu-to-find-supermarket-job-interviews-oddly-demanding-and-irrelevant

Not being funny but if I lost my job I'd be getting a job driving or working in Asda or something just to get some money coming in and then I'd be applying for jobs in the evenings.

No, I wasn't already known to the recruiter - had never spoken to him or one of his colleagues before.

And DH has now applied for more than 20 jobs and none have taken more than 15 minutes.

you were already known to the recruiter.
And just because it is sometimes possible it doesn’t mean that it is most of the time.

You lot have helped me to see the error of my ways in terms of attitude and to be a bit kinder to DH,
I have put a firecracker up his bottom and also looked after him and it’s resulted in some decent outcomes since this time yesterday; he’s stepped on it today,
he has a pre interview tomorrow with a role he doesn’t really see being a fit but all the same I’m glad, and a chat with a friends boss too tomorrow, to see if there could be a potential for him to work there, new industry but could be interesting, he’s not so keen on this prospect but he’s glad it’s come his way as you never know
Friday he has another call with a very wishy washy lead but it’s a call nethertheless
Also a neighbour has also agreed to consider him for a role too quite a well paid one which is exciting
another promise of an interview in early June as well with a role he wants

and I have felt mentally better and he is now picking up childcare a bit more to allow me to go back to work without using a nursery for our youngest or already exhausted and still working grandparents.

hes been ignoring all the ‘busy’ work he can spend time doing in the house, which I’m glad for as I think he’s understanding I don’t need freshly baked loaves id rather an employed DH.

I agree that going forward he should be helping with the kids and the drop offs/pick ups but up until now the op hasn’t been working. He hasn’t been leaving her to do everything whilst she works full time. She goes back to work next week. Personally I think he can help with the collections/drop offs on the childcare days and in addition have a day (or two) at home with the kids whilst the op picks up an extra one or two days of work leaving him the other 3-4 days plus evenings to job hunt. But I don’t think he is lazy for not having found a job so far.

Being sat on his phone doesn’t mean he’s not doing anything, he can do a lot of the job hunting on his phone.

She did say though that she's got no evidence he's job hunting very much at all

It's not help in my view. He should be doing it without being prompted. He lives in the house and they are his kids

My gran back in the day was obsessive about cleaning to the point she would stand on window ledges outside her house to clean windows and neighbours used to have to tell her to go back in. I bet you my grandpa did nothing. Surely times have moved on now where men should not have to be pushed to do with the the basics

I do hope it works out for them both.

I agree. I note there’s been a lot of mollycoddling by proxy on this thread with this man baby.

I also think the savings and redundancy money are giving him an excuse to do nothing at home. Two weeks to apply for one job says it all. What an embarrassment.

I think there is two separate issues here:

1. expecting dh to help around the house and with the kids. Here the op is not being unreasonable and he needs to pull his weight
2. the op’s expectations in terms of job hunting. Here the op is being unreasonable and expecting too much too soon in terms of outcomes and needs to understand that the phone calls are important and part of the search

Stop making excuses for men who refuse to pull their weight. I live on my own. When I have been out of work I have had to do all the cooking and cleaning. Job hunting. Because I have to

He can look for a job. Any job to tide them over

It's just so depressing how many men need to be pushed into doing housework or doing their share with their own kids.

No I didn’t that why I said going forward he has to start doing his share with the pick up and drop off and childcare/housework.

But whilst op has been doing all the pick up and drops now, it’s only two days a week and she hasn’t been working.

I definitely have sympathy for her going back to work earlier than planned but she has had a decent length of time off and isn’t going back full time

Did you miss the bit where she said she does all the childcare and the housework and the pick ups and drop offs? Washing and cleaning too. With two young kids. One a baby

I agree that going forward he should be helping with the kids and the drop offs/pick ups but up until now the op hasn’t been working. He hasn’t been leaving her to do everything whilst she works full time. She goes back to work next week. Personally I think he can help with the collections/drop offs on the childcare days and in addition have a day (or two) at home with the kids whilst the op picks up an extra one or two days of work leaving him the other 3-4 days plus evenings to job hunt. But I don’t think he is lazy for not having found a job so far.

Being sat on his phone doesn’t mean he’s not doing anything, he can do a lot of the job hunting on his phone.

As many have said on this thread it takes a couple of weeks to pull your cv together and find leads before you can apply.

And why shouldn’t the op return to work.

As many have said on this thread it takes a couple of weeks to pull your cv together and find leads before you can apply.

And why shouldn’t the op return to work.

Sorry OP, he sounds like a selfish lazy loser. He's sitting on his arse while his poor wife on mat leavd does it all and is now returning to work? Two weeks to even apply for anything? You have a selfish waster on your hands. I am so sorry.
Good husbands and fathers do not cause so much worry by being so selfish. Protect yourself and get real with him. He will drag you down.

Stop making excuses for the fact he's doing zero.

I disagree im being harsh- OP said she is still doing all the running around etc childcare, cooking etc and he is sat on his phone etc
He can get up with his wife, help with the kids, help with school run, eat breakfast....then go for a swim, then do 2.5 hours of job hunting before lunch, then he can do more, stop at 3 do the school run, help with tea (or make it during the day) return to a bit more job hunting before helping with bedtime/homework and switching off for the evening.

Its not difficult.

People manage to apply for new roles whilst still employed, and looking after children, cooking, cleaning and doing exercise 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I have been though redundancy and so has my husband, multiple times. I don’t know what his role was but for more senior roles it makes sense to initially focus on networking to see if he can get another plum position, that are often filled before they are posted . Are you aware of multiple roles in his field? Can you get on the job boards and find opportunities? If there are few, then what he is doing makes sense, for now. Sorry that he is not pulling his weight with the childcare, I would bring this up but try not to to sound critical as he may be really hurting from the redundancy, especially if it more of a sacking. My husband nearly had a breakdown, I was working and coming home to a dirty home. He was mainly laying down most of the day, but it was like nervous exhaustion. Took him six months to get into another job.

Sorry OP, he sounds like a selfish lazy loser. He's sitting on his arse while his poor wife on mat leavd does it all and is now returning to work? Two weeks to even apply for anything? You have a selfish waster on your hands. I am so sorry.
Good husbands and fathers do not cause so much worry by being so selfish. Protect yourself and get real with him. He will drag you down.