Page 4 | In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

saminamama · 2026-05-05T18:06:25+00:00

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month. It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened. I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews. Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything. im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage, really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough, he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time. looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time. im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat. im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning. if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

MayRibbons · 29/06/2026 18:59

He’s doing all the right things if he’s getting this far. Courage to both of you.

Original poster

saminamama · 29/06/2026 18:57

He had yet another no from a final stage today, apparently he was down to the final 2 and they went with the person with slightly more experience.
no more interviews lined up either :(

I hope to post back with good news soon

OP posts:

IkeaJesusChrist · 29/06/2026 18:28

Daisymail · 29/06/2026 11:55

Of course it is a difficult time but you are coming across as very self absorbed. He cannot just conjure up a job vacancy, he is doing the best he can with the limited opportunities that are out there at the moment. If the roles were reversed, do you think you would walk straight into another like-for-like role?

I agree, OP is making it all about her.

She was even spending money in her head last week when she thought DH might get another job.

I get she's anxious but she's also very self absorbed.

Nobody has died.

Daisymail · 29/06/2026 11:55

Of course it is a difficult time but you are coming across as very self absorbed. He cannot just conjure up a job vacancy, he is doing the best he can with the limited opportunities that are out there at the moment. If the roles were reversed, do you think you would walk straight into another like-for-like role?

Tacotuesdayfan · 29/06/2026 11:18

No advice just to say I completely get you with the wanting to enjoy life again! Money problems really are so daunting and horrible!

Original poster

saminamama · 29/06/2026 09:47

ButterYellowFlowers · 29/06/2026 09:26

I do think you need to put this in perspective a bit OP. Nobody has died, nobody is sick, no horrible crime has been committed against you. Your husband is job seeking… it happens to millions every year. You’re making it all about you and your anxieties and your stress. Try being a bit more adult about it all.

Edited

Show quote history

Thank you, I agree I do need to pull it together. I think it’s cos im from a family that lived pay check to pay check so I have generational anxiety about money coming to the forefront and not feeling secure is getting to me more than it should,
im wondering if I need counselling or something, as this is messing me up so much more than it needs to. I just want security back and normality back so I can focus and enjoy being mummy a bit more again, it’s taking the enjoyment out of life for me at the moment :(

OP posts:

ButterYellowFlowers · 29/06/2026 09:26

saminamama · 29/06/2026 07:24

Really struggling today, with the worry of what is to come, we are going to hear back if he got one of the roles this week but he isn’t feeling hopeful. He only has one more interview to go and then no more booked. But he’s going to work really hard on getting more booked in this week.
i really am struggling with this, its really hard the continual uncertainty. He’s not quite himself either understandably. It’s a bad dream I want to wake up from, I want to enjoy life again

I do think you need to put this in perspective a bit OP. Nobody has died, nobody is sick, no horrible crime has been committed against you. Your husband is job seeking… it happens to millions every year. You’re making it all about you and your anxieties and your stress. Try being a bit more adult about it all.

BlackRowan · 29/06/2026 08:47

Trainingfairy · 29/06/2026 08:27

Fully aware of these points @BlackRowan but we're not in the interviews and its amazing how the most confident and competent candidates miss the opportunity to proactively engage further.
What's your advice then? Just continue what he's doing and hoping to land something without being a bit more proactive? What's he got to lose if he's not already using some of these suggestions? We're not in the room so any tips might help. Yes, it is a tough market so candidates have to push harder to succeed and its difficult when rejections might be resulting in a lack of confidence.

Look he might well need to improve his interview game further but I think it is likely to be a lot more nuanced and specific, so none of us can give any advice on mumsnet. If he wants senior well paid job then it is likely whether his questions and answers display the seniority and leadership level needed, not whether he asks a question in general

Trainingfairy · 29/06/2026 08:27

Fully aware of these points @BlackRowan but we're not in the interviews and its amazing how the most confident and competent candidates miss the opportunity to proactively engage further.
What's your advice then? Just continue what he's doing and hoping to land something without being a bit more proactive? What's he got to lose if he's not already using some of these suggestions? We're not in the room so any tips might help. Yes, it is a tough market so candidates have to push harder to succeed and its difficult when rejections might be resulting in a lack of confidence.

BlackRowan · 29/06/2026 08:12

Trainingfairy · 29/06/2026 08:07

Is he asking for feedback from the unsuccessful interviews? There might be something fundamental that he's doing/not doing and can learn and adjust from the feedback. Having been invited to interview, there must be something in the interview itself that isnt working. Also does he prepare and ask any questions himself in the interviews? Does he ask a closing question at the end of the interviews such as " is there anything else I can tell you that we haven't covered? - I'm very interested in this opportunity" it may be that he's being too soft and passive in the interviews (sometimes as a result of losing confidence) and needs to be a bit more proactive.

this is really basic advice. If he is getting to the final stages he’s doing fine and doesn’t need basic advice like “make sure he asks questions”. The market is tough and it hasn’t been a long time yet; sometimes there is just a better candidate

Trainingfairy · 29/06/2026 08:07

Is he asking for feedback from the unsuccessful interviews? There might be something fundamental that he's doing/not doing and can learn and adjust from the feedback. Having been invited to interview, there must be something in the interview itself that isnt working. Also does he prepare and ask any questions himself in the interviews? Does he ask a closing question at the end of the interviews such as " is there anything else I can tell you that we haven't covered? - I'm very interested in this opportunity" it may be that he's being too soft and passive in the interviews (sometimes as a result of losing confidence) and needs to be a bit more proactive.

Original poster

saminamama · 29/06/2026 07:24

Really struggling today, with the worry of what is to come, we are going to hear back if he got one of the roles this week but he isn’t feeling hopeful. He only has one more interview to go and then no more booked. But he’s going to work really hard on getting more booked in this week.
i really am struggling with this, its really hard the continual uncertainty. He’s not quite himself either understandably. It’s a bad dream I want to wake up from, I want to enjoy life again

OP posts:

Lizchapman · 24/06/2026 11:32

It’s always disappointing when you don’t get a job you thought you had a really good chance of getting. But so many times I’ve looked back later and been thankful I didn’t as what came afterwards was even better than that would have been. Really hope that will be your experience 😊

Original poster

saminamama · 24/06/2026 10:46

IDontHateRainbows · 24/06/2026 06:17

I was unemployed a couple of years ago and remember the hell.of it. The waiting, the trying , the dashed hopes. All i can say is, if he's doing all he can it's out.of his control and yours. I ended up going a bit spiritual getting into Buddhism and manifestation and stuff and it did help mentally a lot. Maybe even actually helped as I did get a job a short while after. But that could be confirmation bias...

Thank you. It’s the anguish isn’t it it’s awful

OP posts:

Original poster

saminamama · 24/06/2026 10:45

Moonnstarz · 24/06/2026 07:15

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).

Yes I have bought my daughter new shoes.
I’ve given up hope to be honest on anything other than surviving at the moment
it feels awful

OP posts:

IDontHateRainbows · 24/06/2026 09:04

Moonnstarz · 24/06/2026 07:15

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).

Plenty of cheaper holidays options (not before he has got a job but maybe in probation (eg caravan uk out of season) if you need something to look forward to. Vinted for clothes etc

Moonnstarz · 24/06/2026 07:15

Sounds like he is trying his best.
I think your list of what you will do once he secures a job is a little frivolous though (holiday abroad, pedicure, new clothes for example) and surely this should be a life lesson that things can change at any moment. I would at least wait til he is settled into the role and passed any probation period before throwing money around on unnecessary items (I would be prioritising the childs shoes however and not sure why you aren't if they don't currently fit).

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 24/06/2026 07:04

It’s unfortunate he didn’t get the position but great sign that he got so far and that he is getting interviews.

IDontHateRainbows · 24/06/2026 06:17

I was unemployed a couple of years ago and remember the hell.of it. The waiting, the trying , the dashed hopes. All i can say is, if he's doing all he can it's out.of his control and yours. I ended up going a bit spiritual getting into Buddhism and manifestation and stuff and it did help mentally a lot. Maybe even actually helped as I did get a job a short while after. But that could be confirmation bias...

Comtesse · 23/06/2026 22:42

He’s doing well to be getting lots of interviews, this is a good sign. Would some more interview feedback / prep be helpful?

ChristmasRager · 23/06/2026 20:11

this happened has happened to us twice - we had to drastically reduce the kids nursery hours and then when he did get a job, juggle until the days became available again. It’s really hard right now. Sending love and luck

Original poster

saminamama · 23/06/2026 20:07

jdb9803 · 23/06/2026 19:29

you have to stay positive - he is actively looking and applying for jobs - the time to worry is when he stops.
To get so many interviews is not common - he must have the skills and experience employers are looking for and the law of averages says he will get one of them soon - keep supporting him

Show quote history

I really really really hope so

OP posts:

Original poster

saminamama · 23/06/2026 20:06

Arlanymor · 23/06/2026 19:50

Sounds like he is working really, really hard to get as far as he has done. And as disappointed and worried as you are - I promise he will be feeling the same only double. I hope that he gets a good result from the latest final stage interview.

Thank you

OP posts:

Original poster

saminamama · 23/06/2026 20:03

IkeaJesusChrist · 23/06/2026 19:25

I wouldn't even dream of making plans until he's actually found a job, why would you set yourself up for more disappointment?

Because we were given a lot of hope for 1 organisation to consider him for 2 roles, and he was final stage for both, I think I can be forgiven for feeling hopeful.

OP posts:

Arlanymor · 23/06/2026 19:50

Sounds like he is working really, really hard to get as far as he has done. And as disappointed and worried as you are - I promise he will be feeling the same only double. I hope that he gets a good result from the latest final stage interview.