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Original poster

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

666 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:22

Arlanymor · 05/05/2026 19:19

Ok so he's signed it and what's done is done - but he wasn't sacked. I think that's a very pejorative term to use and unfair under these circumstances.

I think you need to both agree some time to sit down and talk about the future. No point doing it in dribs and drabs. You need an hour without distractions so that you can understand - in detail - the efforts he is making and what the timelines look like in terms of your finances running out - as I say, in detail.

No mithering over dinner or just before bed - an hour, sat down at the table together, to jointly talk things through in depth. And as other people say, if he's not looking for work during the majority of the day then he needs to take more responsibility for the running of the household and the childcare.

I am wondering if they just wanted rid, if it wasn’t an issue for 4 years for him to not be in location (he travelled there lots) why is it suddenly an issue now,
I feel like his boss used it as an excuse to get rid of him

OP posts:
StrictlyCoffee · 05/05/2026 19:22

He might be able to get some benefits, also see if you can switch your mortgage to interest only for a time. And let him take over the childcare and housework, it’s only fair. Can you up hours at work or are you already full time?

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:21

Morepositivemum · 05/05/2026 19:17

Some people hit the ground running but to be fair this must have been an awful shock to him and cvs do take a while but yes he could be a procrastinator and expecting something to fall into his lap. That or he thinks the redundancy will cover ye for the moment

Yes he only had a week and then they got rid of him

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 05/05/2026 19:20

Has he registered for unemployment benefits?
Has he considered taking ANY job?
Has he registered with any agencies?

Arlanymor · 05/05/2026 19:19

Ok so he's signed it and what's done is done - but he wasn't sacked. I think that's a very pejorative term to use and unfair under these circumstances.

I think you need to both agree some time to sit down and talk about the future. No point doing it in dribs and drabs. You need an hour without distractions so that you can understand - in detail - the efforts he is making and what the timelines look like in terms of your finances running out - as I say, in detail.

No mithering over dinner or just before bed - an hour, sat down at the table together, to jointly talk things through in depth. And as other people say, if he's not looking for work during the majority of the day then he needs to take more responsibility for the running of the household and the childcare.

Morepositivemum · 05/05/2026 19:17

Some people hit the ground running but to be fair this must have been an awful shock to him and cvs do take a while but yes he could be a procrastinator and expecting something to fall into his lap. That or he thinks the redundancy will cover ye for the moment

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:16

HushTheNoise · 05/05/2026 19:15

I've taken 18 months to get a new job. You need a different CV for each role. Interview prep takes a solid week. It's hard out there.

Thanks for this, but we don’t have enough savings to last us 18 months , with 2 young children and a mortgage to pay:

really really worried

OP posts:
Fluffyholeysocks · 05/05/2026 19:16

Draw up a list of housekeeper 'tasks' that he'll be able to do, pop in his calendar school pick ups, after school clubs and weekly grocery lists that he'll need to be responsible for until he's working again.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:16

Arlanymor · 05/05/2026 19:13

They wanted to relocate his job that he has done for four years and he didn't want to go? Could be a case of constructive dismissal.

Show quote history

He wasn’t given the option to go. He’s signed a settlement agreement for 11k now, so we can’t retrospectively fight it in court due to what it says in the agreement

OP posts:
HushTheNoise · 05/05/2026 19:15

I've taken 18 months to get a new job. You need a different CV for each role. Interview prep takes a solid week. It's hard out there.

Arlanymor · 05/05/2026 19:13

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:12

They wanted to relocate his job to the continent he works with (Asia - he was working with Asia remotely for 4 years, but they want someone on the ground there) was the official reason, unofficially his boss had it in for him, he can be very outspoken and pig headed, I’m wondering if he was also too slow and too into details and not able to crack on, as seeing how slow he’s been with job searching…
it took him around 2 weeks to get his cv done, and therefore 2 weeks to apply for the first role

They wanted to relocate his job that he has done for four years and he didn't want to go? Could be a case of constructive dismissal.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:13

I love him and I think he’s wonderful hence having 2 children with him and marrying him. But I am very frustrated with how slow it’s going, worried we will sink into debt as our savings won’t last forever

OP posts:
Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:12

They wanted to relocate his job to the continent he works with (Asia - he was working with Asia remotely for 4 years, but they want someone on the ground there) was the official reason, unofficially his boss had it in for him, he can be very outspoken and pig headed, I’m wondering if he was also too slow and too into details and not able to crack on, as seeing how slow he’s been with job searching…
it took him around 2 weeks to get his cv done, and therefore 2 weeks to apply for the first role

OP posts:
TheWildZebra · 05/05/2026 19:09

At a minimum he can take over the child care drop offs and house work - might motivate him to speed up his job search!!

Arlanymor · 05/05/2026 19:08

Sacked or made redundant? Very different things and a very different conversation you'd need to be having with your husband off the back of either scenario.

PuppyKeep · 05/05/2026 19:07

Sacked why?