In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

Yes this. It isn’t as simple as just bash out a generic CV and get interviews

Yes, it might be necessary for you to work 4 days, he does 2 days childcare, he has 3 days free to job search plus the weekend.

The job market is insane right now. I would prepare yourself (financially and emotionally) to be in this for the long haul.

Huge sympathy OP. He needs a massive kick in the arse. Chatting with recruiters is POINTLESS. They either have roles available (most likely not) or they don’t.

Having a cosy chat is a waste of everyone’s time. Doesn’t he realise there are millions of recruiters in the U.K. trying to sell anyone into roles? Those recruiters are desperate. The vast majority aren’t on exclusive contracts so they are scrambling to get any candidate shoved into any role. Then they scrape off their commission. Chatting won’t get him a job, he’s a delusional fool if he thinks that.

He needs a firecracker under him. He needs to have a structure for each day, and tasks in the house that MUST be done. He needs to get a job, any job, that will pay even min wage and do job searching for a higher paid role outside the hours. He is massively taking the piss.

it is EXTREMELY tough and getting past the AI screening is harder by the day. You are right to be scared and he is a fool if he hasn’t worked this out already.

huge sympathy. Better go put on your arse kicking boots.

I understand you’re stressed but I think you need to think practically. Getting interviews isn’t instantaneous certainly at a high level.

Did he take the required legal advice re his compromise agreement, did work offer ant outplacement counselling/CV guidance?
Will your bank allow a mortgage holiday when the redundancy runs out to tide you over.
Can he do some free/paid CPD to enhance his CV/LinkedIn profile if it helps.
He absolutely has to leverage his network so ‘chats’ are invaluable.

Can you go back more days? Or look for a better paid job? Yes not the plan but I had to go back full time when DC was 5 months due to us both being made redundant as our DC was born. My DH eventually also worked part time doing property viewings at weekends around my work. Can your DH find an evening and/or weekend role?

Sorry it’s stressful but hopefully long term will work out.

So he cant do childcare or housework, isnt applying for jobs (or getting anywhere when he does) so what the fuck IS he doing?!

I agree with PP's saying he is taking the utter piss.

For a start he needs to get on board so you can get back to work FT, you simply cannot afford for you not to so he has no choice. This is a "telling" situation not an "asking" one. You TELL him "I have to go back FT, I dont want to but frankly I dont have much choice right now so here is what you will need to do while I am there" and include the child care and meal prep etc and split the rest of the chores.

Yes : both of you need to get support and also support each other

YANBU about him wanting a get a job wriggle on, but I think you maybe are working with some very outdated info about the job market. It’s awful out there at the moment. Every role has hundreds of applications and it’s taking months and months to secure roles. How old is he? People in their fifties in particular are really struggling at the moment

Also you need to go back full time and he looks after the baby. Sorry I know that’s crap but I’m afraid it’s reality

I’m sorry to the PP but CVs don’t take two weeks to write, and interview prep doesn’t take a week. He’s dragging his feet. Probably enjoying some extra time off while his wife keeps caring for the kids and making dinner every night.

Can you have a heart to heart with him? Explain you’re incredibly worried and don’t think he’s putting in as much of an effort as he could. It’s all fine and dandy having long chats with recruiters, but he also needs to be doing stuff on the side to improve his chances of getting a job.

Is he looking at roles only in the 80k bracket, or happy to take a pay cut if it means getting a job sooner? I’d be applying for all kinds of positions and salaries if this was me.

Wtf

Ok, I was worried for a second! In any case it makes sense to look at relative interest rates - keeping money in savings is not always the best option.

Also it's a tough job market out there right now so he might well need some time to find a well paid role.

I suggest you go on various Reddit forums to get ideas with earning money on the side (r/sidehustle etc) and also for general support and info on the job market r/UKjobs

Working 2 days per week is a luxury you can clearly not afford - I had some sympathy until you dropped that nugget

he needs to be doing all childcare and you go to work full time until he lands a job - if You are that “worried” about paying your mortgage that’s the steps you should be taking

Think you and some other posters are being incredibly harsh. He’s been made redundant and you’re making out he was sacked, it’s somehow his fault and his efforts to get a new job are a waste of time.

its hard to be made redundant and hard to find a role. This is the time for you to be on his side!

a very similar thing happened to us three years ago. It was very very stressful for me personally. The first thing we did was cut back immediately on all non essentials. Living in a city, we had a car to sell if we needed to and we did sell it.

As the only wage earner at that point, I game planned all worst case scenarios and came up with a few options - Including renting our house out and moving to a small flat if we absolutely needed to, to protect our house in the longer term. I personally would also have been fully prepared to take on evening bar work on top of my full time job if it was needed. The difference was that my husband was trying his best to find work- every single day. In your scenario I would sit down with him one evening this week and go through the numbers. Establish at what point next month or the month after you will be unable to meet your basic financial commitments, and agree a solid plan/options. What those options look Like are different for everyone but everything should be on the table. Best of luck. You will get there .

I can’t believe anyone thinks you’re being too harsh! You’ve a young family to support and almost no income right now (mat pay is crap for most). You’re going back to work but he “can’t” do childcare to allow you to do full time? Fuck that shit. If it was a mum claiming that she’d be told to get a grip and apply for jobs when the baby is asleep or partner is home. Which is exactly what he should be doing.

I also cannot get my head around people who think that months of chatting to recruiters is acceptable. You apply for ANY job when you’re unemployed. The jobs you actually want are worth spending time on applications once you’ve got some money coming in. Minimum wage is better than nothing.

He sounds like a prick who's coasting while you juggle everything and he swans off for a swim.

Pay off your borrowing with your savings to get them under £16k and apply for UC.

Can you go back full time? 2 days doesn’t sound enough given your circumstances. Then he will have to pick up more at home.

We’ve been in this situation OP, it’s rubbish. But I have some tips:

• contact mortgage company and ask for a mortgage holiday
• sit down and go through all your outgoings, get rid of as much as you can. Guardian subscription can do one! 😆
• look at different options - if your work is 9-5 what could he do that fits around that? My DH did Sainsbury’s deliveries at night.
• genuinely discuss how many months you have got until you’ll need to sell up - my mum said we could all go there if needed, luckily it wasn’t

You are being overly harsh. He needed to process what had happened to get in the right headspace for job hunting, will have needed time to update cv and to identify jobs to apply for. The interviews with recruiters are definitely necessary to lead to something. Each job application takes significant time to put together a cover letter and normally it takes a bit of time to hear back (might need to wait for application deadline to pass and then time to process) and interviews might be several days/weeks later. he’s probably struggling mentally too.

He will need to cover some childcare though whilst you pick up work if that’s possible.

Get him up, breakfast and apply, apply apply. A walk before lunch apply apply apply. Walk before dinner then his own time. Repeat repeat.

Apply for anything. Call centres, supermarket shelf stacking, assembly anything.

Apply as many have said for any benefits.

Any training from job centre any transferrable skills?

She’s on Mat leave

I think in part you are being hard on him. It can take a long time to find a new role, and 80k ones just don’t grown on trees.

You both need to sit down and look at how long that 11k will last you. Presumably at least some of that is tax free, so should be equivalent to more than two months take home pay. Did he get legal advice on the settlement agreement before signing it? Have you made any attempt to cut back your spending? Go through your budget ruthlessly and see where you can cut costs. Can you transfer credit card debt to an interest free card?

That said, he should still be pulling his weight at home. Yes, job hunting really is a full-time job, but that doesn’t mean you don’t contribute to household life, just like everyone who works full-time needs to do. If you are going to run out of money soon, if you have the option to work more days you may not be able to afford to work two days a week.

You both need to sit down and have an honest and realistic conversation about your finances and what you do. Accusing him of not trying hard enough or it being his fault he lost his job will not help here.

i get the hurt, fear and anger, DH lost his job when we had just moved house and doubled our mortgage. It was terrifying. And devastating for him. You need to be a team.