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Original poster

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

666 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
loulouljh · 05/05/2026 20:38

The market is super tough. I think its naive to think he should be waltzing into interviews...he may be lucky but equally it may take some time.

Franpie · 05/05/2026 20:38

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:24

Yes, we took legal advice

we are in the process of remortgaging and going to a new lender ; he’s had to use payslips before they dry up for the proof of affordability as current lenders follow on deals are rubbish. All arranged by me. A mortgage holiday is not possible as our credit file would be affected. We need the credit file to stay okay so we can get a good mortgage product

I don’t want to scare you OP, but be very careful about this new mortgage. Especially if it takes him a year or more to get a new job, which isn’t unlikely in this climate.

Obtaining assistance from the mortgage company (if it comes to that) will be nigh-on impossible if they find out you were dishonest at application. And could potentially wind you up in more trouble than you’re already in.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:38

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:34

80k pm is around what? 4.5k per month net?

You've taken on a mortgage at 50% of your net.

Plus nursery fees for child #1

Plus decided to have cuild #2

Even with this not happening i dont see how you could have remained as you were.

Did what woukd happen if he were ever to lose his job not discussed?

Do you not have a joint plan for this crisis given the amount of risk placed on one salary?

Show quote history

Plus I work, so we were taking home on average 7k per month
mortgage of 1,800 (soon to be 2k)
council tax, bills, no car finance we drive bangers but we saved what we could, usually a grand or so a month when I wasn’t on maternity leave

needed some home improvements doing badly when we moved house. Money got spent.

OP posts:
Whyherewego · 05/05/2026 20:37

If he is in software sales then that's also a tough industry right now.
Smart to do the mortgage while you can but there needs to be a massive reality check whilst you work out how to cope. If you can go back FT then do so immediately if it nets you more cash and you both need to scrimp and save as much as possible to see you through

fiorentina · 05/05/2026 20:36

If your DH has no job be aware the new mortgage provider may pull the mortgage offer. Can you afford it on purely your salary? A new provider will do deeper due diligence than just taking a new deal with your existing provider. Please be careful.

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:36

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:34

Totally gutted about this prospect but I know it may have to happen

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It will have to happen

You need a contingency planning session sharpish.

Sounds like youve both been guilty of burying your heads in the sand about how precarious your situstion was

Moonnstarz · 05/05/2026 20:35

How old are the children and does the eldest qualify for free hours?
As others have now identified, why is the eldest in nursery if you have been home? Understandable now you are going back to work but it does sound like there has been some bad planning. Same with the house - did you go for top of your budget to afford it?

I don't know why people keep saying he should take any job. Any job is hard to find, even shop assistant roles in supermarkets or working in a coffee shop can be competitive and require experience, so if he has had a career doing something earning £80k a year it's unlikely he can just get a job doing something else.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:34

PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2026 20:32

You cant afford two kids in nursery, frankly you cant even afford one except possibly one session a week for the older one so they keep the social aspect. So that will have to be nixed while you work FT and he is at home. You can revisit it when he gets a job.

Totally gutted about this prospect but I know it may have to happen

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 05/05/2026 20:34

The obvious thing is for you to go back full time and him to look after the children

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:34

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:29

the mortgage will need to be paid from the 11k it’s going up to 2k per month.

Show quote history

80k pm is around what? 4.5k per month net?

You've taken on a mortgage at 50% of your net.

Plus nursery fees for child #1

Plus decided to have cuild #2

Even with this not happening i dont see how you could have remained as you were.

Did what woukd happen if he were ever to lose his job not discussed?

Do you not have a joint plan for this crisis given the amount of risk placed on one salary?

Comtesse · 05/05/2026 20:34

HundredMilesAnHour · 05/05/2026 19:45

It seems to be all about you OP. Have you considered for a moment how he might be feeling?! Rather than blaming him and being critical, why don’t you try giving him some emotional support? Redundancy can be an extremely stressful and upsetting experience yet there’s no mention of his feelings, it’s all you you you.

It’s hard to calm when you have an 8mo baby and no visible means of support tbh…..
He can start his own thread - OP started this one so of course she is centring herself.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:34

nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 20:29

OP I don’t want to scare you - I’m in a position of recruiting people for my team. I get about 100plus CVs for each role - 80% I discard immediately, 10% HR discard. The rest go through rounds of interviews. It’s a fucking awful market out here.

What industry are you in?

hes in a niche but technical industry, sales role

OP posts:
FriendlyGreenAlien · 05/05/2026 20:33

My husband has also been made redundant. He’s doing the school run, DIY and gardening that need to happen, and applying for jobs.

sounds like you and he need to have an honest chat about concerns and expectations. He may have to pick up some non-career work to tide him over.

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:32

BlackRowan · 05/05/2026 20:30

I thought you are on mat leave ? Now both children are at nursery?

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Doing 2 days per week kit days

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 05/05/2026 20:32

You cant afford two kids in nursery, frankly you cant even afford one except possibly one session a week for the older one so they keep the social aspect. So that will have to be nixed while you work FT and he is at home. You can revisit it when he gets a job.

BridgetJonesV2 · 05/05/2026 20:30

OP it sounds like he needs a bloody great kick up the arse. You're on maternity leave and he's baking bread rather than applying for jobs?! My patience would have long run out. He needs to be doing school runs at the very least. Don't end up being a martyr because he won't remotely care that you're at breaking point.

He needs to accept reality and stop talking crap about contacts. Meanwhile go through your finances and stop all subscriptions/luxuries/gym memberships etc.

NightFever89 · 05/05/2026 20:30

The market is tough right now. But he needs a solid plan and make applying for jobs his full time job. Ive been looking for a new role since november last year but I am employed so not as much pressure. Its a challenging market

BlackRowan · 05/05/2026 20:30

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

Edited
Show quote history

I thought you are on mat leave ? Now both children are at nursery?

Original poster
saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:29

SwirlyGates · 05/05/2026 20:21

So are you saying that, after paying the mortgage, 11k will only last you 2 months? What on earth do you spend it on?

He should be eligible for JSA if he was made redundant, though it doesn't pay much.

And he's hardly taking ages to find a job, it's only been a month. The job market is terrible.

the mortgage will need to be paid from the 11k it’s going up to 2k per month.

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 05/05/2026 20:29

OP I don’t want to scare you - I’m in a position of recruiting people for my team. I get about 100plus CVs for each role - 80% I discard immediately, 10% HR discard. The rest go through rounds of interviews. It’s a fucking awful market out here.

ineededanewnameitsbeentoolong · 05/05/2026 20:28

Hoanna · 05/05/2026 20:26

If someone is on 80k, this would be tons of savings. What happened to those?

2 kids, so 2 lots of maternity leave to cover. Plus a high mortgage

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:27

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

Edited
Show quote history

Poor financial future planning is a blame you must equally share.

Hoanna · 05/05/2026 20:26

If someone is on 80k, this would be tons of savings. What happened to those?

OneNewLeader · 05/05/2026 20:26

What is your husband’s plan? Some good advice on this message board and some hard realities about the job market. If it was me I’d be back full time or working up to that at 9 months. The father can then take on the household responsibilities.
I appreciate that might be heartbreaking but at least you’d be having a measure of control over the finances and give yourself space from the constant anxiety.
Difficult situations often require hard choices. I speak from experience.

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:26

Malinia · 05/05/2026 20:23

I've been made redundant twice and it knocks you for six. The first time it took me a month to get myself sorted and applying for roles. When DH was made redundant I supported him and told him to take a bit of time to get his head round it. He then had chats with old contacts and in time got a new role.

I understand you are frightened but you need to take a breath. You have the redundancy payout and savings, he is looking for work and trying to find something.

Try and be a team on this, he will be scared too. It will be ok, usually after redundancy you find something better and it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

Men arent allowed to get scared.

Or take time to process.

Rather, they must immediately start to make themselves useful in whatever capacity they can as outlined by their wives or they're selfish arseholes in need of a good kicking to get started.

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