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Original poster

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

666 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
Original poster
saminamama · 09/08/2026 22:08

BlackRowan · 09/08/2026 21:58

I’m sorry but your marriage doesn’t seem to be very strong if only 4 months of job search are leading to thoughts like this. You haven’t even experienced real hardship yet.

It’s also a strangely demanding attitude for someone who doesn’t really contribute financially and doesn’t know what it takes to get a high earning role and to interview in a current climate.

he’s probably feeling that in reality you are not supportive of him (despite appearances) which is probably making him even more stressed.

Edited
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Respectfully you don’t know us so your comment is rude and overstepping
I’m back working and covering the mortgage with my salary.

OP posts:
BlackRowan · 09/08/2026 21:58

saminamama · 09/08/2026 21:23

Still no job offer. This has been a hard chapter in our life for 4 months now,
he had a really successful final stage interview last week and one of the directors interviewing him said it’s one of the best interviews they have ever had, but they are interviewing a few others and apparently we should find out this coming week. I can’t help but think if they wanted to hire him he’d have had an offer already and they would have cancelled the other candidates. I know that seems bonkers but I’m feeling doubtful (though I’m not letting it show to my husband)

also aside from this he has 2 more first stage interviews this month although he isn’t confident of getting either due to location (territory) reasons

the other side to this is what it’s doing to us.

he’s been so short tempered and unhappy that it’s becoming really hard to be with him. I’m doing my best but I can’t have swearing (not at me or anyone but at frustration in DIY) in front of our DC. he’s honestly really hard work and part of me hates him, as he’s been so funny about minor things, all the time

I dreamt I left him last night and my family were all glad and said I’d done the right thing

I’m sorry but your marriage doesn’t seem to be very strong if only 4 months of job search are leading to thoughts like this. You haven’t even experienced real hardship yet.

It’s also a strangely demanding attitude for someone who doesn’t really contribute financially and doesn’t know what it takes to get a high earning role and to interview in a current climate.

he’s probably feeling that in reality you are not supportive of him (despite appearances) which is probably making him even more stressed.

Original poster
saminamama · 09/08/2026 21:23

Still no job offer. This has been a hard chapter in our life for 4 months now,
he had a really successful final stage interview last week and one of the directors interviewing him said it’s one of the best interviews they have ever had, but they are interviewing a few others and apparently we should find out this coming week. I can’t help but think if they wanted to hire him he’d have had an offer already and they would have cancelled the other candidates. I know that seems bonkers but I’m feeling doubtful (though I’m not letting it show to my husband)

also aside from this he has 2 more first stage interviews this month although he isn’t confident of getting either due to location (territory) reasons

the other side to this is what it’s doing to us.

he’s been so short tempered and unhappy that it’s becoming really hard to be with him. I’m doing my best but I can’t have swearing (not at me or anyone but at frustration in DIY) in front of our DC. he’s honestly really hard work and part of me hates him, as he’s been so funny about minor things, all the time

I dreamt I left him last night and my family were all glad and said I’d done the right thing

OP posts:
Trainingfairy · 28/07/2026 09:09

What line of work is your husband in? Is it skilled, qualifications needed etc or more flexible? How flexible is he prepared to consider? Could he get some hours in retail for instance? Delivery work? Anything he can get, he can still work around with job seeking/interviews but at least its something and you never know where it leads.
I did offer free job seeking support and advice but no response which I would have thought might have helped.....

Lovesacake · 28/07/2026 05:28

I really hope he finds something soon, this sounds so hard for both of you 💐

ParmaVioletTea · 28/07/2026 02:59

Hopefully that makes sense, if not it's worth speaking to them. We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and they were really helpful when I spoke to them.

Surely this is something the unemployed partner should do, not the working partner.

@saminamama are you able to increase your hours of working, and your DH take over most of the housework & childcare?

Original poster
saminamama · 27/07/2026 21:15

MrsMuggin · 27/07/2026 20:35

There's a phone number on the tax free childcare website. Ours was slightly different circumstances as it wasn't redundancy but it's definitely annual expected income not monthly guaranteed income if income fluctuates. Anything earned after March will count, no idea if redundancy pay counts but fingers crossed for you

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Thanks so much I’ll call them tomorrow

OP posts:
MrsMuggin · 27/07/2026 20:35

saminamama · 27/07/2026 20:10

Thank you, who do I try to call to speak to them?

Show quote history

There's a phone number on the tax free childcare website. Ours was slightly different circumstances as it wasn't redundancy but it's definitely annual expected income not monthly guaranteed income if income fluctuates. Anything earned after March will count, no idea if redundancy pay counts but fingers crossed for you

Original poster
saminamama · 27/07/2026 20:10

MrsMuggin · 27/07/2026 20:06

Not a lot of help, but childcare is quite forgiving. It's based on quarterly income on the questions, but as long as you expect to earn above the total annual threshold, you can still get it. It's only July, so assuming he gets a full time decently paid job by say, December he can still hit the income for the year so you should get entitlement to it for the next few months regardless. Hopefully that makes sense, if not it's worth speaking to them. We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and they were really helpful when I spoke to them.

Thank you, who do I try to call to speak to them?

OP posts:
MrsMuggin · 27/07/2026 20:06

Not a lot of help, but childcare is quite forgiving. It's based on quarterly income on the questions, but as long as you expect to earn above the total annual threshold, you can still get it. It's only July, so assuming he gets a full time decently paid job by say, December he can still hit the income for the year so you should get entitlement to it for the next few months regardless. Hopefully that makes sense, if not it's worth speaking to them. We were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and they were really helpful when I spoke to them.

Original poster
saminamama · 27/07/2026 19:55

He has been trying to get someone to pay him to do literally anything and he isn’t even able to do this

he had another no today for some self employed work; last week they were really really keen, he said that he needs some work anything to get our codes for childcare…..
I think this put them off to be honest.

He’s getting more stressed and snappy and short tempered

he is on second stage for one role, first stage for another, and will soon hopefully be called for an interview for a further one. It’s getting exhausting now

OP posts:
TheMimsy · 15/07/2026 09:44

@saminamama is he in a role where he could do some consulting work (self employed) or agency work? I don’t know many people that can’t?

when my partner was made redundant in his late 50s he did various types of consulting work and agency work - he’s an engineer by background and did some engineering work and also was asked to retrain as a teacher (whilst in a paid position and they covered cost) and now does assessing of students and external verifying of companies apprenticeships etc.

Think outside the box. Is a 9-5 the only way he can use his skills?

Thechaseison71 · 14/07/2026 20:43

IkeaJesusChrist · 14/07/2026 15:58

Unless you're extremely frugal which I don't think OP is £100 is not one weeks shopping.

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If you don't have much money then you have to be frugal

Apprentice26 · 14/07/2026 20:03

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/07/2026 20:01

Do you know a lot of people on the lookout for someone to give their ironing to? Not saying no one does ironing for cash but don’t think it’s an easy solution.

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Yes and you’ve only got to find nine people that will give you four baskets of washing at £25 ago and then drive to it. Collect it. deliver it back and actually do the iron in and suddenly you can pay half the mortgage 🙈
I don’t know why anybody has a properly paying career any more when they’re such lucrative options available to them

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/07/2026 20:01

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/07/2026 12:27

I sounds like money needs to start coming into the home.

So, he needs to find something / anything what about an evening delivery driver job ? I know it won't bring in the required money but it would bring in some money i.e. £50 an evening twice would probably do the weekly food bill.

has anyone suggested you take in ironing - I've seen it suggested on MN before. One basket of ironing must be at least £25, 4 baskets would be £100 and yet again that's one weeks food shopping ?

Do you know a lot of people on the lookout for someone to give their ironing to? Not saying no one does ironing for cash but don’t think it’s an easy solution.

Abso · 14/07/2026 16:19

saminamama · 13/07/2026 18:23

Another no today after a second stage so that’s 4 now that he has been turned down for after 2nd stage, that’s it now, there are no more interviews booked in currently. It’s starting to get to him

I'm not surprised.

It's so disappointing.

The constant rejection is really bad for your mental health. It's also not necessarily a reflection on him, just a case of someone being better suited. Doesn't help though.

We're (well DH, though I'm really invested as well) are waiting on a formal offer letter after being given an informal offer on Friday. I don't understand what is taking so long!

IkeaJesusChrist · 14/07/2026 15:58

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/07/2026 12:27

I sounds like money needs to start coming into the home.

So, he needs to find something / anything what about an evening delivery driver job ? I know it won't bring in the required money but it would bring in some money i.e. £50 an evening twice would probably do the weekly food bill.

has anyone suggested you take in ironing - I've seen it suggested on MN before. One basket of ironing must be at least £25, 4 baskets would be £100 and yet again that's one weeks food shopping ?

Unless you're extremely frugal which I don't think OP is £100 is not one weeks shopping.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/07/2026 12:27

I sounds like money needs to start coming into the home.

So, he needs to find something / anything what about an evening delivery driver job ? I know it won't bring in the required money but it would bring in some money i.e. £50 an evening twice would probably do the weekly food bill.

has anyone suggested you take in ironing - I've seen it suggested on MN before. One basket of ironing must be at least £25, 4 baskets would be £100 and yet again that's one weeks food shopping ?

herbetta · 14/07/2026 11:12

Sorry, I can't remember, is he signing on with agencies to take any job / get money coming in? Factories, warehouses etc.

rookiemere · 14/07/2026 10:56

In this climate getting to interview stage for senior jobs within such a short space of time is pretty good going. I know it must be difficult OP but I would suspect what he really needs right now is your support and demonstrating a bit of faith ( even if it’s put on) that he will get a role. Of course it’s never enjoyable to have to tighten your belts financially and not do stuff you enjoy, maybe you could turn it into a challenge and discover all the free things to do nearby.

I hope your counselling will help put this in perspective for you.

Trainingfairy · 14/07/2026 10:53

@saminamama I will help if you wish? Im a career consultant and I will help your husband if I can and will not charge you.

fundamentallyauthentic · 14/07/2026 10:51

You said two months ago you have £25k in savings. You may have used some of that but not most? So you won’t be losing your house. Hopefully the therapy will give you more perspective.

IDontHateRainbows · 14/07/2026 10:47

Job hunting these days is hell on earth. I know as I was in this boat a couple of years ago and felt like 'what the flip do I do now' as I kept getting knocked back. I did get something in the end - only temporary but I've clung on and was eventually made perm. That can be a route back in but of course there's no guarantee and I had a very unstable first year where I wasn't at all sure I'd be kept on.

Original poster
saminamama · 14/07/2026 10:25

I know all, I know to stay positive but he went from being strong to the other day crying for no reason,
he keeps joking about being self employed and when he goes to the job centre for his jsa he finds it a bit depressing that weeks keep going by with no job offer
our marriage is suffering because we don’t feel content and like we can plan and thrive and do exciting things we feel like we are stagnating in survival mode

i have counselling tomorrow as this has all triggered a low time for me, having not long had a baby and with a 3 year old too,
I worry the house will need to be sold but with the value of stamp duty we can’t really afford to move and also we wouldn’t get a mortgage so I really don’t know where we will end up if this keeps on

pffft, feeling really rubbish about this

OP posts:
SwirlyGates · 14/07/2026 10:08

Tbh the organisations who failed to respond to an unsuccessful candidate's request for feedback are unlikely to be great employers, so bullet dodged.

Very easy to say if you have a choice of job offers. If you are out of work, struggling and would take anything, not so much.

People have been through five stages of interviews and not even heard back for months that they didn’t get the job.

Yeah, modern life is rubbish and manners have gone down the toilet.

OP, from your original post your DH has been out of work since early April, so only about 3 months. That's nothing these days, and he has had several interviews in that time. He'll get there.