In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

Respectfully OP you sound like a nightmare. He’s just lost his job which can be incredibly damaging to a persons self esteem and morale. You nagging him relentlessly is not going to have the desired effect, most likely the complete opposite.

Why do you need childcare if he is home ? Make snil sense . Get childcare for when he has interviews

If he's been paid X months as redundancy pay then he can't claim JSA until that time is up.

Why do you have credit card debt when you have savings? So odd!

My husbands contract finished in January. He was too busy finishing up to start to apply until it was finished. It was a longish slog of applications before an interview and he had around 10 interviews for different roles before receiving an offer. He starts the new role next week, so it will have been 5 months without him working. It feels endless while you are in it and each application was the equivalent of an small essay between the cover letter and the mandatory questions! I think you have to plan like it will be a few months at least, it feels tough out there, but something will come along.

Edited to add- I can't believe he is leaving so much on you though. While he has been off work my husband has taken on all the cooking, dishes, and school runs. It's been good to have the breaks away from the computer and it has made me less resentful when I am working long days and he isn't.

cracking on all day on the job game.

Sorry, but there are not enough job adverts to fill more than 1-2hrs a day. The more senior and niche the position, the fewer jobs there are to apply for.

Channel the anxiety into sitting down with him and doing an essentials only budget so you can make the 11k last as long as possible.

As chats with recruiters have come to nothing, he should ask for feedback. Maybe he is missing some new qualification that is the current fad for his job area. He could then get started on it while between jobs.

I'm 65 and was made redundant in March of this year. I have just got my first invitation to interview after 1 application. I have been half - arsed about looking for jobs as I really don't want to work any more. If I was seriously looking for work in my 30's I would be devoting at least 8 hours + a day. He needs to up his game. He maybe stressed at his being made redundant but so are you, tell him to apply himself more fully every single day.

Sorry @saminamama I wasn’t questioning if that was/wasn’t the case with your DH (you know your circumstances better than I do), was just clarifying that it isn’t the only reason for a company wanting a settlement agreement in place with someone who is leaving the business.

Wishing you luck and hope your DH finds a new job soon.

it seems fair for him to prioritise job searches (even if these are speculative chats) but completely unreasonable that he isn’t picking up the slack with any of the household jobs that need doing, or childcare. It sounds like the only way to change that is to have a very direct conversation. Would there be scope for you to take on more hours with your job? (if he was pulling his weight/you weren’t run ragged) all of these extra hobbies he’s picking up aren’t cheap - it sounds like he’s burying his head in the sand. Do you have the kind of relationship with anyone in his family where you could reach out to them to speak to him?

Gosh. What I am curious about is why does he think his current situation requires 24/7 job searching + follow up when that is clearly not possible. And allowing you to become burnt out in the process.

I think you need a realistic appraisal of how long job search takes per day (3 or 4 hours?) and then divvy up all the other tasks ie. If he's job searching for 4 hours he still has 3 hours for childcare, housework, errands and also fit in a bit of bread baking and swimming (but not every day).

You need to divvy up the tasks so he's got a purpose for the day and ticks stuff off.

Tbh the fact that he shows so little interest in keeping your family afloat would make me question my relationship tbh. I'm not sure I'd want to continue in this situation

He has been out of work for 2 weeks, done his CV and spoken to lots of people- seriously OP are you aware the job market is hard at the moment.
I get you are stressed but getting this worked up after 2 weeks is a bit crazy. He also needs to get his head round what has happened.

Yeah.
Great idea.

Not like he needs to use his time for anything important...

Like looking for a job.

If OP wants him to get a job quickly she has to accept that she cant just palm off tasks that she would normally do, or DIY projects that have been outstanding. He's not on vacation. He needs to work hard at this, probably more intensively than at his previous job.

And also to accept that job hunting is a new skill set he needs to master. It's not the old days anymore

Before you think about applying for Universal Credit, get him to apply for New Style JSA, which doesn't have a savings threshold, just requires him to have paid a certain amount in NI over the last couple of financial years. It's hardly a vast amount, just under £85 a week for up to six months, but it'll give you a little bit of a cushion. It'll also mean you can pay off your debts a bit more gradually, so it'll look less like "deprivation of assets" that your savings have drained down to below the UC threshold.

Honestly op, I can see why this is so completely daunting but I do think you are being somewhat unrealistic given that it's only been 2 weeks and you're expecting him to have created interviews already. The job market is not that fast moving and if you say he's in a skilled but niche role that is going to be harder.

What you both need to do is sit down with a free financial advisor and discuss your situation and what you are hoping to do financially and actually work through what's a practical way to do things. For example jumping to dispose of your savings in order to get some help from uc is probably not a sensible option. Especially if your debts are interest free. What you need to work out is your absolute survival number how much you need to spend each month to cover the basics before you're defaulting on essentials and then you look at your savings/salary and how many months you can meet that figure for. Then I would be immediately cutting back on anything luxury such as trips to the pool/gym membership. If you need to pick up extra hours temporarily then he needs to be the childcare to enable that to happen.

Personally I think you're having a ( very understandable) knee jerk reaction and it does sound like your anxiety is spiralling a bit here. I've no doubt your husband must also be feeling a lot of pressure to make things work while also navigating the fact he's just lost his job which is a huge confidence blow for anyone. So it may be really hard for him to engage in conversation with you if you are coming at it from a place of your own stress and anxiety if he doesn't have capacity at present to hold both.

So what I would do is tell him you're very conscious that you're both in a really stressful situation and it would be very easy for you both to end up at odds so suggest that you set aside a time each week when you know you won't be distracted to go over things together so you aren't feeling in the dark on where he's at and he isn't feeling alone and pressured. I'd be using that time to go over any family spends in the week to see where that can be cut back, and I'd be expecting him to explain what he's been doing to secure work.

I also think you need to be realistic in terms of what jobs he can actually apply for that will not be a big step back. It's not always helpful to immediately apply to all and sundry straight away and then be listing tesco as your current employer until you are at the point where that's essential. Plus it can detract a lot of time and energy for applying for things you actually do want to be going in for if you're working longer hours in something unrelated. It's going to take time op and things are going to need to look very different for a period and I think you need to brace for that.

In the meantime, you need to start factoring in some self care even as small as doing meditation before bed or leaving the kids with him so you can get a walk or something. Clearing your head a little to improve the lack of sleeping as that's a killer for anxiety and becomes a destructive cycle. Talk to friends about it without bad mouthing him and use them to discuss the worries you have without making out that he's just lazy.

I'm a bit torn as to what the state of your relationship was prior to this op. You say he's a good husband and father most of the home - why not all of the time? And you've been very quick to jump to the conclusion they just wanted rid of him. That's making me wonder if he has overall form for lazy, poor behaviour in general that's pointing you to that conclusion?

It can be tough - two years ago DH was looking something and he couldn't so much as get hold of an agent for 9 months (when previously for his type of role he could apply to multiple things and day and have an interview or at least an agent conversation at least once a week), not a single interview until finally an agent called him back just before Christmas for a short contract he started in the new year.

Last year he was looking again and it was better than the year before and he's now in a longish contract.This is in software, don't know what field OP's husband is in, but, certainly at the moment, sad to say a month is not a long time to look. The positive you can get from that is that I'd say is that not to worry he'll be 'left on the shelf' if he's looking for too long - it's pretty normal.

Whilst settlement agreements are typically used in situations where the company want rid of someone quickly and without a fuss/prolonged process, it isn’t always the case.

At my previous company, a number of people in my department (including one of my direct reports) had to sign an SA, as their redundancy/exit date was more than 12 months in the future and therefore technically fell outside of the “standard” parameters of the redundancy package being offered to other impacted employees. So in order to receive the enhanced package, they were asked to commit to remaining in role for that whole period.

Certainly in the case of my team member (and I’m pretty sure for the others involved too), there was categorically no concerns around performance behind the SA. In fact, if I’d had my way, we’d have found a workaround so I could keep her - she was brilliant!

Lots going on here...

Selling the house isn't an ideal back up plan for when the money runs out as the housing market is slow and the process could take a year or so.

Remortgaging - you're taking a massive risk doing this and not being honest about the job loss.

11K - even with a 2K mortgage, that should last at least 3 months if you live frugally.

Crazy that you both didn't have at least a 6 month emergency fund when he was earning £80K.

I think you are being harsh to have expected him to have had interviews within 4 weeks. The job market is very slow and harsh right now. My DH's colleagues were let go 2 months ago and both are still out of work, one has had one interview. I think you need to be prepared for him being out of his 'normal' work for at least a year. I say 'normal' because he will need to get ANY type of work at some point soon.

Now for your DH, I think the first couple of weeks, he can be cut some slack, I've lost a job myself and know how it feels. However, my sympathy has run out for him after that when he's refusing to do childcare, pick ups/drop offs and housework. Surely even when he was working, he was doing his share? No?

He should be spending a good 3-4hours per day job hunting and applying for roles, that's seriously searching, adjusting CV, applying, not scrolling the internet and getting distracted. If he's not spending 3-4hrs daily as a minimum, then he's taking the piss.

He needs to stop with the days out meeting friends or whatever, you can't bloody afford it right now.

It really does sound like he's getting too comfortable not working, and knowing you're going back to work, I think he's got it in mind that you are so worried that you'll go back full-time, and he can do what the fuck he wants except for the housework and childcare.

He needs to be signed on for JSA to keep up with his NI for his state pension.

You both also need to discuss at what stage he starts applying for ANY and ALL jobs. You cannot be choosy in this current climate.

You both also need to discuss him taking on childcare and housework, not necessarily all, but if you go back full-time whilst he's unemployed, he needs to be doing the bulk of it all.

You both also need to discuss ditching the nursery and him looking after the children, it's an expense you cannot afford right now. You may have to give a term's notice, so this could be something to seriously consider.

I think you need to sit him down and make it very clear the severity of the situation, and that he has NO excuse not to be doing housework and childcare whilst also job hunting.

Frankly, he's taking the fucking piss.

OP is on maternity leave, and is going back to work early. That's a bit different to not having a job.

I’m carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.

hes not taking on most of the domestic work? Apart from being difficult at work he’s a lazy arse at home.

No wonder you’re stressed @saminamama

Agree. Id feel the same OP.

Making bread would drive me insane!
(My sister's DP spends hours and hours baking bread, he is in a well paid role, as is she, and ahe seethes when she's doing all the kid/life admin etc. etc. And hes baking bread!)