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Original poster

In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

666 replies

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:06

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month.

It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened.

I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews.

Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything.

im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage,

really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough,

he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time.

looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time.

im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat.

im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning.
if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

OP posts:
ForeverTheOptomist · 05/05/2026 23:58

saminamama · 05/05/2026 20:25

We haven’t saved much as our children are both at nursery, and our mortgage given our age (30s) and the interest rates on a mortgage of 300k+ is huge

we have circa 10k saved once credit cards were to be paid off

Edited
Show quote history

He will be able to get UC once savings are under 16k I believe.

Sensiblesal · 05/05/2026 23:58

Waterbaby41 · 05/05/2026 23:17

You are being really unreasonable. Only a month and you are berating him for not having an interview? Give your head a shake, the jobs market is tough out there, be prepared for a long haul of unemployment.

This isn’t the first thread, there was one when he was told he was being made redundant. Though OP keeps insisting its him being sacked. She was very worried then too

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/05/2026 23:44

Lavender14 · 05/05/2026 22:26

Honestly op, I can see why this is so completely daunting but I do think you are being somewhat unrealistic given that it's only been 2 weeks and you're expecting him to have created interviews already. The job market is not that fast moving and if you say he's in a skilled but niche role that is going to be harder.

What you both need to do is sit down with a free financial advisor and discuss your situation and what you are hoping to do financially and actually work through what's a practical way to do things. For example jumping to dispose of your savings in order to get some help from uc is probably not a sensible option. Especially if your debts are interest free. What you need to work out is your absolute survival number how much you need to spend each month to cover the basics before you're defaulting on essentials and then you look at your savings/salary and how many months you can meet that figure for. Then I would be immediately cutting back on anything luxury such as trips to the pool/gym membership. If you need to pick up extra hours temporarily then he needs to be the childcare to enable that to happen.

Personally I think you're having a ( very understandable) knee jerk reaction and it does sound like your anxiety is spiralling a bit here. I've no doubt your husband must also be feeling a lot of pressure to make things work while also navigating the fact he's just lost his job which is a huge confidence blow for anyone. So it may be really hard for him to engage in conversation with you if you are coming at it from a place of your own stress and anxiety if he doesn't have capacity at present to hold both.

So what I would do is tell him you're very conscious that you're both in a really stressful situation and it would be very easy for you both to end up at odds so suggest that you set aside a time each week when you know you won't be distracted to go over things together so you aren't feeling in the dark on where he's at and he isn't feeling alone and pressured. I'd be using that time to go over any family spends in the week to see where that can be cut back, and I'd be expecting him to explain what he's been doing to secure work.

I also think you need to be realistic in terms of what jobs he can actually apply for that will not be a big step back. It's not always helpful to immediately apply to all and sundry straight away and then be listing tesco as your current employer until you are at the point where that's essential. Plus it can detract a lot of time and energy for applying for things you actually do want to be going in for if you're working longer hours in something unrelated. It's going to take time op and things are going to need to look very different for a period and I think you need to brace for that.

In the meantime, you need to start factoring in some self care even as small as doing meditation before bed or leaving the kids with him so you can get a walk or something. Clearing your head a little to improve the lack of sleeping as that's a killer for anxiety and becomes a destructive cycle. Talk to friends about it without bad mouthing him and use them to discuss the worries you have without making out that he's just lazy.

I'm a bit torn as to what the state of your relationship was prior to this op. You say he's a good husband and father most of the home - why not all of the time? And you've been very quick to jump to the conclusion they just wanted rid of him. That's making me wonder if he has overall form for lazy, poor behaviour in general that's pointing you to that conclusion?

Good Advice.

Slightly different but one of my DC had a long job search... and found it was a huge hit to confidence to have nearly every CV ignored. Recruiters told us that companies recruit on a seasonal basis sometimes and that proved to be true for DC - nothing at all in the first quarter.. 3-4 interviews and job offers in the second Q. Not the same for every industry. Just saying that its sometimes a long long slog.
I think its good your DH is talking to people about it you never know if they might hear of something or forward him a contact in a few weeks or have an idea. He's keeping busy by the sound of it, which is also a good thing. If there are any career advice places that he could contact, who would give him advice on his CV, tidying up linked in, how to target speculative letters, maybe a day or two of voluntary work that's related to his previous job area? that would also help him. Further down the line... is there something he would like to retrain for? It sounds like he has a lot of experience in sales to other countries.

I know you are anxious but sometimes you just have to ride it out. Take it a day at a time. Making yourself feel ill with worry won't change anything or help either of you.
I know people say the job market is difficult, but that doesn't mean that he won't find something. It just means trying a bit harder for a bit longer and not giving up. You will find a way. Wishing you both all the best

lawandorder2026 · 05/05/2026 23:43

He needs a well structured plan. I was made redundant twice in 6 months last year. I did take 24-48hrs after each redundancy to lick my wounds and generally mope about a bit
first time I secured a new job before I left the other, second time it took me 9 days to find another

I started with jobs I wanted that were local enough then went to jobs I wanted but further away, then jobs I didn’t want but paid enough and were local and so on
redid my CV, spoke to everyone I knew, signed up to recruitment agencies and generally totally focused on it especially around 8-10am when I found new jobs were coming out
I live alone so it was urgent that I had a job or I couldn’t pay my bills

LBFseBrom · 05/05/2026 23:43

It must have been quite a blow for him and it's quite natural that you are worried, we would all be.

I wonder if he might think of doing something else? You say he has many conversations with recruitment people, which come to nothing. How about someone who can explore possibilities outside of his usual field? Many do change careers after redundancy and enjoy it. Your husband has youth on his side too.

Flymehomejeff · 05/05/2026 23:42

If your credit cards are interest free I would do the maths to see if it is worth paying them off to qualify for UC as you might find it isn't much and that your money will last longer if you keep it.

dijonketchup · 05/05/2026 23:42

Nutmuncher · 05/05/2026 22:54

Respectfully OP you sound like a nightmare. He’s just lost his job which can be incredibly damaging to a persons self esteem and morale. You nagging him relentlessly is not going to have the desired effect, most likely the complete opposite.

Is it so damaging to his self esteem he can’t lift a finger to help with the house or look after his own children? There’s being supportive and then there’s being taken advantage of… OP is rightly frustrated I think.

And nothing in your comment was ‘respectful’

LlamaBananaStew · 05/05/2026 23:30

Twooclockrock · 05/05/2026 23:01

Have you pit your mortgage on the mortgage charter, you get 6 months grace no effect on credit rating. It was a godsend to us during redundancy issues.
Speak to utilities they have help plans, speak to step change for any credit card debt.
He also needs to sign on for jobseekers allowance.

Definitely check it you can make use off the mortgage charter, if you're both in your 30s you can stretch the overall term to dramatically reduce your monthly payments, then all being well go back to previous payment amount and term when your DH has a job. Or not, £2K mortgage while you have 2 kids in nursery sounds pretty financially stretching. Unless none of you eat or use utilities.

BountifulPantry · 05/05/2026 23:23

Do you know what OP… this isn’t your problem. You’re taking on his responsibility as your own. HE is responsible for bringing an income in. You’ve got an 8 month old and you’re restarting work and you’re running around after other kids. You have a full plate. There’s not much more you can do personally.

Tell him how long the 11k will last. Then how long your savings will last. Then say if, at that point, he doesn’t have a job, then you’ll have to have a mortgage holiday or take out a loan. Ultimately you may have to sell the house.

It’s not for you to force, cajole or nag him to take responsibility. He does or he doesn’t. You act accordingly.

Stop taking on all the responsibility to solve it- it’s not yours to solve!

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · 05/05/2026 23:21

Get on Indeed and pick up some Warehouse / Supermarket delivery driver / pickers- packer/ factory work for now.
Easy to apply , usually immediate start , full time hours and often overtime too -often paying up to 14/15 quid an hour which is well above minimum wage and would solve your immediate financial worry.
it doesn’t have to be the ‘Right’ job
just a ‘Right for now’ one to tide you both over

Newyearawaits · 05/05/2026 23:21

Malinia · 05/05/2026 20:23

I've been made redundant twice and it knocks you for six. The first time it took me a month to get myself sorted and applying for roles. When DH was made redundant I supported him and told him to take a bit of time to get his head round it. He then had chats with old contacts and in time got a new role.

I understand you are frightened but you need to take a breath. You have the redundancy payout and savings, he is looking for work and trying to find something.

Try and be a team on this, he will be scared too. It will be ok, usually after redundancy you find something better and it turns out to be a blessing in disguise.

This 100pc
OP, for your own sanity, you really need to 'take a deep breath'.
For everyone's wellbeing in the long-term.

KellsBells7 · 05/05/2026 23:17

What area of tech is he in?

Waterbaby41 · 05/05/2026 23:17

You are being really unreasonable. Only a month and you are berating him for not having an interview? Give your head a shake, the jobs market is tough out there, be prepared for a long haul of unemployment.

BooneyBeautiful · 05/05/2026 23:17

Please make sure he has claimed Contribution based JSA (not a means-tested benefit), and also use a benefits calculator to check on any other benefits to which you/he may be entitled.

Lavender14 · 05/05/2026 23:15

I think it's unrealistic to expect the kids to come out of nursery unless op has family who could then provide the child care if the husband got a job tomorrow. We recently moved and ds was on the waiting list for all nurseries in the area for 5 months before a space became available at one of them. It would be extremely difficult to concentrate properly on doing applications and cvs with small kids to watch. I think that's a last resort move.

I also think initially job searching can be intensive because you have a lot of research to do on the overall market, you could spend plenty of hours doing that plus if he's meeting with potential contacts/recruiters that's time consuming across 2 weeks. Once he's exhausted what's out there then I'd say it will become less intensive because it will be more about checking what's newly coming out rather than working through a load of sites to vacancies last closed. At that point yes I'd be thinking he can support at home a bit more.

Abso · 05/05/2026 23:14

WimbyAce · 05/05/2026 22:44

Why do you have credit card debt when you have savings? So odd!

I'm guessing (based on what OP has said plus my own experience) that the credit cards are 0% interest for a fixed period so makes sense to keep savings as the debt isn't accruing interesting but the savings are plus, some things need cash savings as not all expenses can be paid on a credit card should savings be needed to be used.

What OP has done is sensible, as long as the debt can be serviced.

Happyjoe · 05/05/2026 23:11

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:24

I’m on maternity leave currently, baby 8 months old, going back from next week because of this; 2 days a week to get some money coming in. I don’t have the childcare to do more, my husband ‘can’t possibly do the childcare as he’s too busy applying for jobs’

yet where are the interviews then

Show quote history

He's not working with you here, he's being bad, you guys are supposed to be a team. Of course he should step up the childcare while you earn, especially as he's not actually applying for jobs very fast.
Good luck OP, sorry.

Lavender14 · 05/05/2026 23:10

WimbyAce · 05/05/2026 22:44

Why do you have credit card debt when you have savings? So odd!

Not odd at all. Ensuring you have savings built up is an essential part of paying debt off responsibility and consistently. If you had no savings you'd be significantly more likely to default on a loan repayment. I have had debts previously and before repaying I built up a long term and short term savings pot so there could be no surprises that would have had me unable to make a repayment. Leaves you in a better position long term.

TTCbabynumber22025 · 05/05/2026 23:10

You sound very anxious but if you have £25k in savings plus an £11k payout coming in and your mortgage is £2k per month, then you’re okay for a while.

You do need to speak to him though and tell him to stop wasting money on market place. Cut back on everything you can. Why are you paying for nursery if you’re only using it 2 days per week, don’t you get the free hours?

I don’t think he’s BU to not have got an interview just yet as it’s still early days and recruitment takes forever and is so disheartening sometimes. But he is BU for not being more supportive of you and your worries.

Crikeyalmighty · 05/05/2026 23:02

saminamama · 05/05/2026 22:35

What a lovely response thank you, in answer to your last question,
i love my husband but he can be a tricky character, harsh tone to his voice even though he doesn’t mean it

Show quote history

I do think That poster was correct - it can be very hard to actually get a job in his sphere and salary range if you are out there doing 7 hours in a warehouse etc - you aren’t available to take calls, can’t get time off for interview etc etc - it’s not straightforward as people think and usually means they haven’t been at that level - I appreciate though Theresa finite amount of time so I would say the following - see if you can take a 3 month break off the mortgage . In the meantime he must put at least 3 hours a day effort into searching, contacting head hunters in his area, make sure he is on linked in , look at contract as well as permanent . Make him pick up the domestic load, at least for nursery pick ups and drop offs plus keeping on top of house - he will have plenty of time - I wouldn’t not use childcare because otherwise he will struggle to actually do interviews if not on a day you are at home or take calls etc -.give it 3 to 4 months and cut back on non essentials and ideally have a mortgage break if possible , if nothing doing at that point work out whether more sensible for him to just do anything, you to up your hours etc

Twooclockrock · 05/05/2026 23:01

Have you pit your mortgage on the mortgage charter, you get 6 months grace no effect on credit rating. It was a godsend to us during redundancy issues.
Speak to utilities they have help plans, speak to step change for any credit card debt.
He also needs to sign on for jobseekers allowance.

BooneyBeautiful · 05/05/2026 23:01

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:12

They wanted to relocate his job to the continent he works with (Asia - he was working with Asia remotely for 4 years, but they want someone on the ground there) was the official reason, unofficially his boss had it in for him, he can be very outspoken and pig headed, I’m wondering if he was also too slow and too into details and not able to crack on, as seeing how slow he’s been with job searching…
it took him around 2 weeks to get his cv done, and therefore 2 weeks to apply for the first role

Please make sure he has claimed Contribution based JSA (not a means-tested benefit), and also use a benefits calculator to check on any other benefits to which you/he may be entitled.

ButterYellowFlowers · 05/05/2026 22:59

fundamentallyauthentic · 05/05/2026 21:41

There is temp work. Not as much as there used to be but it’s there.

Show quote history

I signed up with one in March. Yet to be offered more than a single role and I couldn’t do that one as it was over a day I had an exam.

Shelleyblueeyes · 05/05/2026 22:57

NotAWurstToIt · 05/05/2026 19:25

I would suggest he needs to have a good look at his CV - is he applying in the same field? How niche is it? How transferable are his skills.
Lots of roles come from contacts rather than cold applications, so he needs to be really proactive on LinkedIn - update his profile, show recruiters that he’s available for work, contact his existing connections and make new ones in areas / organisations that he’s interested in.
I don’t think you said how old he is, but, if ‘older’ he may want to only show the past 10 years’ experience on his CV plus relevant qualifications. I say that as someone in their 50s who was made redundant last year and did this. Has he contacted recruitment agencies for contract work as well as perm?
If he struggles to get organised maybe a daily list or dedicated time each day to get these things done would help?

This is really good advice it's really hard to get a job and covering all bases is the way to increase your chances.

I guess your mortgage is your biggest worry so I would call the lender and explain. Discuss going on interest only or extending the term if only temporarily but it might help you sleep easier.

You're energy provider might be able to cut you some slack too.

Good luck with it all. X

ReadingSoManyThreads · 05/05/2026 22:56

CanSeeClearlyNowTheRainHasGone · 05/05/2026 22:46

If he's been paid X months as redundancy pay then he can't claim JSA until that time is up.

Show quote history

Not relevant to this situation as he has had a settlement, not actual redundancy.