In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

F*ck me - I’ve been redundant in the past and I’m glad neither my partner nor my friends displayed your attitude. Redundancy - for that’s what it is if the job now needs to be done from Asia - is acknowledged to be one of life’s stressors. Interviews don’t magically grow on trees. He’s got his cv done and is networking (which, let’s face it, is where many jobs emerge from).

I could do the usual Mumsnet question to a poster facing financial difficulties - do more hours, ‘take in ironing’ (seriously?!) - but I suspect that’s now how things work

I can sympathise as I've had a similar situation with my DH. The difference is that he has been contracting since being made redundant several years ago. So we do have money coming in, but he has no benefits like sick pay or a decent pension.
I understand what you mean about the pointless chats. A lot of recruiters want to speak to my DH but don't actually have any roles or none that are suitable, and it does feel like a waste of time. Especially when it means you're picking up the slack elsewhere.

I've not RTFT but my DP was made redundant a few weeks ago and it has been a full time job for him looking for other work. What has really helped with the CV and job application process was using Chat GPT. Now before anyone rolls their eyes (believe me I did when he told me, at first) it has been incredibly helpful. He puts in his CV and then the description of the job he's interested in. He asks Chat GPT how well his CV matches that, and how he could improve his chances. It will also suggest potential questions an interviewer might ask. It's also flagged up job roles he might not have considered.

Obviously you read through any CV or application letter it writes for you, to make sure it's correct and doesn't sound like AI. He's now just waiting on the result of a third round interview. Honestly I was very surprised just how helpful it has been, for getting interviews in the first place, although clearly an actual interview you have to do the talking yourself. So worth looking into, I'd say.

You won't get UC with 25k savings. Potentially if you paid off the credit card debt you could apply - they won't pay your mortgage but you could get money for yourselves and the kids to give you some breathing space.

Did you get legal advice on the amount of settlement?

This is a really stressful situation OP, I feel for you. Honestly I think you need to accept that at the moment you working only two days is a luxury you can no longer afford. As others have said the job market is bad and it may take 18 months for your husband to fund another role. If this was me, I'd be going back full time (or as full time as possible), reducing the kids' nursery hours drastically and my husband would be job hunting during those nursery hours, nap hours and every evening once kids in bed, and doing all the childcare outside of the nursery hours to save the household money while not earning. This is just the rational thing. You simply cannot afford to have you on mat leave or working a mere two days a week, two kids in nursery, and an unemployed husband at home baking bread.

I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable. I always reckoned it took about 4 hours to do each application so if he’s doing lots it’s a full time job. Speaking to lots of recruitment people is part of that but then they need to go and match him with suitable companies so that is not going to give instant interviews. If he’s applying g for jobs which have been advertised then they probably will not interview for at least a week or so after the job advert closes. I understand why you’re worried but finding a new job does just take time - probably months rather than weeks.

Probably not a completely new cv for each job or needing to change it all. But it at least necessary to assess the cv and check that it is applicable to the relevant job.

I would however expect a new cover letter per job (could leverage some elements from previous ones) and that will take some time to write.

A different CV for each job? I have 3 CVs and have applied for 120 jobs. Should I have made 120 CVs?

I actually agree with your post . I actually think the Op is being unreasonable to expect her dh to get a job in such a short time frame .
I understand that she is concerned about the future but I don’t think she is coming across as understanding . She needs to give her husband some time

I took voluntarily redundancy autumn last year. I got a job within a month BUT I was very very lucky to have done that. The job market is horrific atm so I’d be planning on at least year search worse case planning. I have yet to see another job that I could have even applied for like I said I’ve been very lucky.

My daughter saved up 2 months rent and bills for her house share in London and resigned from her job - toxic boss who would not allow her time off for a Dr appointment let alone a new job interview so she knew she would have to resign first and gave herself a two month buffer. For 7 weeks I have watched her “work” from Monday - Friday 9am-6pm do nothing but apply for jobs, talk to recruiters have zoom interviews, approach people on LinkedIn, have initial zoom interviews and many face to face interviews. She has one week left and she’s really had her eyes open to how hard it is and the effort that goes in to applying and following up. She had a 3rd interview last week and has a 3rd interview with another company next week, but by Friday she has no more money left. It’s brutal out there so I really feel for you.

I think paying of at least some of the credit card debt so you can may well be ok if you then apply for UC. It won’t be a huge sum and clearing at least some consumer debt I think is fine. The sums you are talking about are not huge in the grand scheme. £11k for four years is a good sum of money but spending at least some of it to clear debt would be sensible and i think it unlikely you’d be penalised for that. It’s not like you’ve paid off the mortgage for a relative or anything significant like that to vastly reduce your cash asset.

Been through this three times with DH, and it's so stressful. For you it's only been a month and things are really hard out there at the moment. It could easily take a year and you need to be realistic and prepare for that. Can you take a mortgage holiday for example, focus on practical things

The poor man cannot spend every waking minute doing job applications, it's utterly soul destroying, and he needs downtime so he can come to each new application fresh. There can also be a long gap between an application going in and hearing anything back. If you trust him, now is the time to show it.

You really need to take several steps back and give him the breathing space. Believe me, I know this takes monumental amounts of patience, and gritted teeth, but spending you time checking what he's doing every minute of the day is simply not going to help him get a job any faster, it won't make you feel any better and will damage your relationship.

I had to bite my tongue so many times and pretend not to notice the video game music coming from his computer many, many times, but we got there and all is well.

First things first @saminamama your h does need to approach getting a job like having a job. He needs to set himself hours he “works” (at getting a job) and stick to it.

you’re going back to work early.

you can’t afford childcare, he needs to cover it all.

He needs to work around the kids too, he needs to take on the role of childcare AND a portion of housework while he’s at home.

just as a WFH person would have to, stick a wash on, dry it, meal prep something, take in the online shop.

you need to put your foot down, this is all hands to the pump and he’s not pulling his weight here. Divide up the roles and make sure he’s doing it. If nothing else, the added workload he’s shirked for so long will be so annoying for him to do that it’ll really light a fire under his arse to get a full time role.

id be very angry indeed. You need to get firm

No I am not a man !

I simply read the post and felt she was being unrealistic. That she needed to be supportive. She was beginning to look down on her husband. And I felt that was not helpful.

No I am not a man. Never have been, never want to be one either !

Nor was the post nasty.

What a nasty, passive aggressive post.

Are you a man by any chance?

https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-allowance

He needs to apply for "contributions based job seekers allowance"
This also pays his National Insurance contributions towards his state pension & other benefits.

If you expected him to land a job after a month then YABU. Totally unrealistic expectation.

Especially for one that is niche. And especially one where you suspect his boss wanted him out. In his world, word travels. But he will have contacts to use.

I am not sure how you expect him to behave? You keep saying he is too slow. And worried he was slow at work. That isn’t very nice OP. Have some pride in your husband and have his back. Don’t stab it.

He needs your support. He will be under an enormous amount of pressure. He will likely guess and know what you are thinking about him too. Time for you to have strength.

You cannot job search 24 hours a day. It is not humanly possible. So don’t expect him to.

He should apply for benefits. Your income obviously has changed and so your lifestyle will need to adjust.

You are frightened because you have this image, lifestyle. Where perhaps you have bitten off more than you can chew. Don’t avoid your friends. If they or their other halves are friends they might know people with work opportunities. Don’t be ashamed of him.

And sit down and properly talk. About your options. About your income. As a couple. This is a joint venture now he has no income. You may have to move. You may have to have a different income. Who knows ? But face it together.

Hopefully he will find work and all will be well. But have his back OP. He won’t forget it if you don’t.

I think there's some unreasonableness on both sides here.

I think you're expectations are unreasonable by expecting him to have several interviews lined up already and to have a role only a month or so since he left his last job. The job market isn't great right now (I know as I'm looking also) and these things can take months. I appreciate that's scary give the finances but I think you need to manage your expectations more and really look into how you can cope financially beyond the time your savings will last.

From his perspective, I agree that it shouldn't take 2 weeks to get a CV sorted, and I'm not sure why calls with recruiters are lasting an hour, mine are 30 mins max. Additionally, he should absolutely be stepping up more in terms of the household and children. Baking bread and going to the gym/swimming should be things you do once the chores are done, kids are sorted and the job applications/calls for that day are done. You need to have firm conversations about this, especially him picking up the childcare and household stuff much more. Good luck, hope it works out.

OP it sounds like he doesn't have a great attitude to home life - you're a team and he should act like it. As others have said it's a rough job market out there so you need to prepare for this to last a while.

Have a proper chat about him taking some responsibility for the children and home. If he wants to bake bread, he can put the little one in the highchair and set the older one drawing at the table and bake it while watching them. He doesn't get to check out of kids' breakfast because he fancies a swim, cant afford it anyway!

Have a good look at the budget, cut out everything you can to make your savings and settlement stretch longer. Can he do some consulting work on a freelance basis while looking for a new role?

Good luck, it sounds like he needs a bit of a wake up call wrt home life and responsibility

Da f**?

thanks Farage and Boris for Brexit which may I remind you everyone was told will make us poorer, and thanks Trump for Iran war. Oh and how we can forget Tory mismanagement and Liz Truss shenanigans

He can apply for contribution based jobseekers allowance - its not means tested so savings don't matter

Oryou could just use part of the savings to pay the debt, and have no debt, and still have a buffer of £15k savings?!

You don't need to have debt. Its fine to just have a mortgage & no other debt.