Page 11 | In despair. Husband is taking ages to find a role

saminamama · 2026-05-05T18:06:25+00:00

a month ago today DH was told he may be made ‘redundant’, he was essentially sacked with a months notice and he signed a settlement agreement with enough money to keep us afloat for 2 months, after the end of this month. It took him 2 weeks from finding out he was being made redundant to apply for his first role. Since then he hasn’t secured any interviews, and he’s had lots of ‘chats’ with so and so, but nothing material has happened. I feel like he is way to slow when applying for jobs, and it’s not going quick enough and by now he should have a few interviews. Posting as I’m really looking for a consensus as to if what I am feeling is valid, as I feel like I’m at the end of my tether. I darent ask him a question or distract him from anything as he takes so long to do.. anything. im worried about our mortgage, I work but my salary only just covers the mortgage, really lost and feeling resentful as it feels like he’s not pushing hard enough, he’s a great dad and a loving husband most of the time. looking for positive stories and advice as to how I get through this time. im feeling so worried it’s affecting my sleep and I’ve been avoiding some of my friends, I don’t often feel in the mood to be around others who are sorted and settled when we are in this boat. im carrying all the housework and childcare drop offs and pick ups so he has no excuse for not sitting and applying for roles, but feels quite futile to be honest, doing all the washing and cleaning. if he is so slow and easily distracted/harassed and can’t cope no wonder he was sacked, awful thing to say but I’m wondering if it’s true

Boohoolol · 06/05/2026 14:44

I think you’re giving him a really hard time here. A month is barely no time at all when job searching in this market.

I applied for literally hundreds of roles before I got one last year.

Pherian · 06/05/2026 14:39

saminamama · 05/05/2026 19:29

Lots of recruiters seem to want to have chats with him and it takes an hour, it never comes to anything

he’s always busy having to pick things up on Facebook market place or is baking bread,

always something that isn’t cracking on all day on the job game.

he sits on his phone for ages I ask him what he’s doing he says applying for jobs, got no way to know if this is true.

now I have to do our toddlers breakfast and morning after breastfeeding overnight and I’m knackered as he needs to ‘go swimming’ to set him up for the day,

I feel like I’m being squeezed more and more, and nothing is coming out of all these chats, a trip to London to see so and so, another one he wants to go to the end of this month;

fed up

Tell him to get a job or leave. You won't be able to support a grown man and two children and honestly it sounds like he's taking the piss. I got told I was being made redundant at the end of Feb and I had secured a new role internally by March. There is ZERO reason to wait around. He is pushing his luck to see if he can get away with being a feckless layabout.

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:37

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 14:31

Paying off credit card debt is not fraud under dwp rules. The only issue there would be if the loans were unofficial such as to friends and family and someone didn't have a paper trail - certain things are considered deprivation but this isn't

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Are you on UC and do you have a mortgage?

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 14:35

PotatoLove · 06/05/2026 14:33

He's taking the piss by not stepping up where childcare and housework are concerned.

Absolutely

PotatoLove · 06/05/2026 14:33

He's taking the piss by not stepping up where childcare and housework are concerned.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 14:31

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:13

So you have not heard of "notional capital’"

If we decide you’ve deliberately reduced your money, savings or investments, your Universal Credit is based on you still having it. This is called ‘notional capital’.
Fraud
You may be prosecuted or need to pay a penalty if you try to affect your Universal Credit award by:

knowingly reducing your money, savings or investments
deliberately giving false information about your money, savings or investments

Compensation and welfare support payments Certain compensation and welfare support payments are not taken into account as savings either indefinitely or up to 12 months. We’ll need to know details about compensation and welfare payments you’ve received.

Edited

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Paying off credit card debt is not fraud under dwp rules. The only issue there would be if the loans were unofficial such as to friends and family and someone didn't have a paper trail - certain things are considered deprivation but this isn't

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 14:29

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:07

Do you not think that UC we see that they have used their money to pay debt off to then claim UC as he will show them his payslips. They will be able to see how much he has earnt so far this year.

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That is allowed under dwp rules. Paying off credit card debt isn't deprivation of capital. You make the claim online and then go to the dwp offices with ID to verify who you are. People are allowed to claim UC if they lose a job. The only thing they would need to find out whether the settlement agreement would be considered as savings or disregarded but at the very least he should be claiming JSA contribution based which he can get for six months if hes paid enough class 1 contributions

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 14:20

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:13

So you have not heard of "notional capital’"

If we decide you’ve deliberately reduced your money, savings or investments, your Universal Credit is based on you still having it. This is called ‘notional capital’.
Fraud
You may be prosecuted or need to pay a penalty if you try to affect your Universal Credit award by:

knowingly reducing your money, savings or investments
deliberately giving false information about your money, savings or investments

Compensation and welfare support payments Certain compensation and welfare support payments are not taken into account as savings either indefinitely or up to 12 months. We’ll need to know details about compensation and welfare payments you’ve received.

Edited

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You have not knowingly reduced your money, savings and investments if it has been used to:

pay off or reduce a debt

www.gov.uk/guidance/universal-credit-money-savings-and-investments

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:13

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 14:09

doesn’t matter if they do, it’s allowed

Show quote history

So you have not heard of "notional capital’"

If we decide you’ve deliberately reduced your money, savings or investments, your Universal Credit is based on you still having it. This is called ‘notional capital’.
Fraud
You may be prosecuted or need to pay a penalty if you try to affect your Universal Credit award by:

knowingly reducing your money, savings or investments
deliberately giving false information about your money, savings or investments

Compensation and welfare support payments Certain compensation and welfare support payments are not taken into account as savings either indefinitely or up to 12 months. We’ll need to know details about compensation and welfare payments you’ve received.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 14:09

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:07

Do you not think that UC we see that they have used their money to pay debt off to then claim UC as he will show them his payslips. They will be able to see how much he has earnt so far this year.

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doesn’t matter if they do, it’s allowed

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 14:08

Zov · 06/05/2026 13:55

Oh my days @saminamama you poor thing. Your DH sounds so unmotivated and lazy. I would view my DH completely differently if he got like this. He has had 3 jobs in 37-38 years - current one for 14 years, and was only 'unemployed' for 4-6 weeks in between, each time. He worked very hard to get his jobs, got his CV out within a few days, and even did a couple of short training courses to update his skills in the interim.

I know things may be a bit harder in the mid 2020s than it was in the early 2010s when he got his current job, (and he was in his early-mid 40s then - 14 years younger of course,) but my DC and their partners and friends, get new jobs within 2-4 weeks, when they are looking for or needing a new job (All in their 30s and 40s...) And several people in my road (neighbours who are friends too,) have found work within 3-6 weeks, after losing a particular job. And they are 40-50 years old. Your DH isn't trying hard enough - he really isn't...

He sounds bone idle, with not wanting to do housework and childcare either. You have not long had a baby, and now are having to return to work earlier than you wanted to - to support his lazy ass! Nope! No reason at all why he should be taking this long. I would be telling him 'get a job, or you will be getting a divorce.' I have zero tolerance for bone idle men, who CBA to get a job, and I would never stay married to one.

Sorry if I sound rude, and I really do feel for you. Can't give you any further advice as you have had loads on here, but I do empathise!

.

Edited

He is trying to get a job and we have no idea how much effort he is putting in and if it’s enough. But it’s a tough job market right now and he is only just unemployed - so far unemployed for less time than any of the people you mention.

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 14:07

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:38

Can't you? She said in the first post they are going to run out of money in two months. It takes at least five weeks for a UC claim to be processed. If they claimed UC they would get an allowance for each child. A personal allowance and help with childcare

And if they don't want to go down that route just now he should absolutely be applying for contributions based JSA which isn't means tested and he could get this for 6 months. That's the first thing he should have done.

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Do you not think that UC we see that they have used their money to pay debt off to then claim UC as he will show them his payslips. They will be able to see how much he has earnt so far this year.

Frrrout · 06/05/2026 13:59

Sonato · 05/05/2026 20:34

80k pm is around what? 4.5k per month net?

You've taken on a mortgage at 50% of your net.

Plus nursery fees for child #1

Plus decided to have cuild #2

Even with this not happening i dont see how you could have remained as you were.

Did what woukd happen if he were ever to lose his job not discussed?

Do you not have a joint plan for this crisis given the amount of risk placed on one salary?

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Jesus, have a day off @Sonato

This place and some of these sanctimonious responses

Zov · 06/05/2026 13:55

Oh my days @saminamama you poor thing. Your DH sounds so unmotivated and lazy. I would view my DH completely differently if he got like this. He has had 3 jobs in 37-38 years - current one for 14 years, and was only 'unemployed' for 4-6 weeks in between, each time. He worked very hard to get his jobs, got his CV out within a few days, and even did a couple of short training courses to update his skills in the interim.

I know things may be a bit harder in the mid 2020s than it was in the early 2010s when he got his current job, (and he was in his early-mid 40s then - 14 years younger of course,) but my DC and their partners and friends, get new jobs within 2-4 weeks, when they are looking for or needing a new job (All in their 30s and 40s...) And several people in my road (neighbours who are friends too,) have found work within 3-6 weeks, after losing a particular job. And they are 40-50 years old. Your DH isn't trying hard enough - he really isn't...

He sounds bone idle, with not wanting to do housework and childcare either. You have not long had a baby, and now are having to return to work earlier than you wanted to - to support his lazy ass! Nope! No reason at all why he should be taking this long. I would be telling him 'get a job, or you will be getting a divorce.' I have zero tolerance for bone idle men, who CBA to get a job, and I would never stay married to one.

Sorry if I sound rude, and I really do feel for you. Can't give you any further advice as you have had loads on here, but I do empathise!

.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 13:53

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:42

He could have made the claim the day after he lost his job.

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To be eligible you can’t be working more than 16 hours a week. He found out he lost his job a month ago but had a one month notice period so whilst not actively working for the last month he was still employed on a full time contract and being paid.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:42

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 13:40

Well he can’t have done it yet as he is only just unemployed so it’s something to do now but not something he should be criticised for not doing yet.

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He could have made the claim the day after he lost his job.

MayRibbons · 06/05/2026 13:42

Job hunting is soul destroying and depressing. And the panic you are feeling, he is also likely feeling.

It's also REALLY HARD out there at the moment.

It would probably make both of you feel better if he picked up some domestic tasks: e.g. he does 3-6 pm (or whatever) UNLESS he has an interview / scheduled chat. There is something about structuring time that is important. Is he going out and getting daylight and exercise? That's important too.

Then, as others have said, you need to set some time aside to talk, like grownups, about what you do financially assuming he won't land another 80 k role in the next 6 months, and explore what your options are.

Don't layer blame on him: just figure it out together.

Good luck.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:41

Mangelwurzelfortea · 06/05/2026 13:34

As others have said, it's brutal out there ATM, OP. There's no realistic scenario where anyone gets a job and starts work within two months (outside of retail and hospitality).

I disagree with the idea mooted above of using savings to pay off credit card debt and then claim UC. UC won't pay the mortgage - and it can take weeks to come through - so that's not a safe option at all. The best you can do is reduce outgoing as much as possible right now - postpone paying off debt, see if you can get an interest only mortgage payment holiday (I think a lot of mortgage providers allow 6 months) - and your OP might have to get a warehouse/supermarket/delivery job to tide you all over while he's looking. That said, even they are hard to come by now.

Try not to panic though. Things will work out in the long run.

ETA - if you have £25k savings, you're fine. That's a plenty big enough cushion while looking for work.

Edited

It takes five weeks to come through - and people in work are entitled to claim as well. Plus they would get help with up to 85 per cent of childcare costs and money for their kids. They could still have just short of 16k savings and claim UC. I'm not suggesting that they burn through all of their savings.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 13:40

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:38

Can't you? She said in the first post they are going to run out of money in two months. It takes at least five weeks for a UC claim to be processed. If they claimed UC they would get an allowance for each child. A personal allowance and help with childcare

And if they don't want to go down that route just now he should absolutely be applying for contributions based JSA which isn't means tested and he could get this for 6 months. That's the first thing he should have done.

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Well he can’t have done it yet as he is only just unemployed so it’s something to do now but not something he should be criticised for not doing yet.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:38

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 13:25

Or use the money until it runs out and then claim UC? Why do they need to claim it now when they have a good 5/6mnths ability left to pay the mortgage or come up with a plan.

I'm a huge advocate for the benefits system, I was on tax credits for you years but it should be a last resort. I can see any benefits to what your suggesting at all.

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Can't you? She said in the first post they are going to run out of money in two months. It takes at least five weeks for a UC claim to be processed. If they claimed UC they would get an allowance for each child. A personal allowance and help with childcare

And if they don't want to go down that route just now he should absolutely be applying for contributions based JSA which isn't means tested and he could get this for 6 months. That's the first thing he should have done.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 06/05/2026 13:34

As others have said, it's brutal out there ATM, OP. There's no realistic scenario where anyone gets a job and starts work within two months (outside of retail and hospitality).

I disagree with the idea mooted above of using savings to pay off credit card debt and then claim UC. UC won't pay the mortgage - and it can take weeks to come through - so that's not a safe option at all. The best you can do is reduce outgoing as much as possible right now - postpone paying off debt, see if you can get an interest only mortgage payment holiday (I think a lot of mortgage providers allow 6 months) - and your OP might have to get a warehouse/supermarket/delivery job to tide you all over while he's looking. That said, even they are hard to come by now.

Try not to panic though. Things will work out in the long run.

ETA - if you have £25k savings, you're fine. That's a plenty big enough cushion while looking for work.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:32

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 13:24

Well he has still been technically employed and receiving his wage up until now so has been supporting the family financially.

your response is harsh. Yes he needs to take on some childcare and do some pick ups/drop offs but he does need to spend a considerable amount of time job hunting and looking after his mental health.

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They are his kids as well. It should not be a case of taking on childcare. He should have been doing that anyway. Not just pick up and drop offs. Housework as well. What about her mental health? She's got two young kids and all he's doing is sitting in his office having chats, baking banana bread, swimming.

She works as well. Why is it men get away with opting out of so much with housework and their kids just because they work

aCatCalledFawkes · 06/05/2026 13:25

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:22

I understand that it won't pay mortgage but they won't qualify for UC with 25k savings. They will have to pay credit cards off if they are going to qualify

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Or use the money until it runs out and then claim UC? Why do they need to claim it now when they have a good 5/6mnths ability left to pay the mortgage or come up with a plan.

I'm a huge advocate for the benefits system, I was on tax credits for you years but it should be a last resort. I can see any benefits to what your suggesting at all.

JollyDenimSeal · 06/05/2026 13:25

Piknik · 06/05/2026 13:19

Actually OP, in the current climate, the 'chats' are probably more worthwhile than sending you CV off along with 100 other people to apply for the same post.

It's brutal out there at the moment - no matter the sector. I have never been out of work before (I'm late forties) and the only way I can see myself securing something decent at the moment, is via contacts/word of mouth/friends of friends/networking.

I have a strong CV, good experience and plenty to offer but I'm not even getting responses from jobs I know I'm over-qualified for - despite hitting 90% of the 'experience needed' criteria. The 'job market' is swamped with applicants.

I totally understand your worry, but don't discourage the conversations.

I don't think the chats are the issue. It's the fact that he's doing zero around the house and with the kids and spending time doing other things when she's got two young kids and she's worried about money running out

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 06/05/2026 13:24

OneShyQuail · 06/05/2026 13:10

Geeez he is taking the piss royally.

Im all for supporting someone when they've lost their job but he isn't supporting you financially, mentally, physically or anything.

Sit him down. Tell him straight enough is enough. You can apply for jobs and look after children/do housework/shopping and still go for a quick swim.

What a joke! Either shape up or ship out! You won't love him for much longer when the resentment builds!

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Well he has still been technically employed and receiving his wage up until now so has been supporting the family financially.

your response is harsh. Yes he needs to take on some childcare and do some pick ups/drop offs but he does need to spend a considerable amount of time job hunting and looking after his mental health.