AIBU to worry my 14-year-old son is talking marriage?

I think you need to calm down, at 14 everything does feel intense and crazy kind of good feeling and that’s all this is. They are dreaming and imagining a future together it doesn’t mean they’re getting married tomorrow so chill on it Jesus

OP I think all you can do is ensure that contraception is discussed , and try to encourage your son to do other activities. It’ll almost certainly fizzle out in time. And even if they stay together as a couple, the insane intensity will fade.

You know there was a time when as long as the discussion about the birds and bees and the importance of being careful was had nobody would give a second's thought to this situation, right?

Apologies for piggybacking on your thread, BTW, @ThatElatedRubyCat !

My son’s situation is a bit different probably as the GF seems, if anything, more streetwise than my DS. In your case, I might be a bit concerned about the GF being potentially somewhat vulnerable.

'Not a relationship of equals' . They're both 14-year-old teenagers for heaven's sake.
It's not as if he's 20.
What the blazes has anything else got to do with it?

Pure hyperbole.

Are you in the US, OP? Did you post a while back about ‘cute’?

I am in a similar situation with my same-age DS - he has his first girlfriend and seems a bit besotted. He has lots of extra-curricular activities and other things to focus on as well, and it all seems respectful and sweet rather than inappropriate, but I’d be very interested to hear advice from those who’ve been through it already, on:

a) the practical sex and contraception talk - how did you approach this? I attempted it last weekend but got a horrified “Mum! I’m only 14! I’m not even thinking about anything like that!” reaction

b) whether you invite the GF over and try to get to know her at home, or whether they just continue hanging out in the park/going bowling etc? I don’t want accidentally to make it more serious than it is, IYSWIM, but at the same time it would be nice to meet this girl that he can’t stop talking about!

I would let this be. People can and do marry their childhood sweethearts. People more often grow apart or fall out. Either way, it will take its course. I don’t see how being interested in marriage is a bad thing. He sounds like a nice kid. I’d rather my sons were thinking about the idea of marriage than violent porn…!

Have you talked to him about contraception?

There is a difference between a 7 year old and a 14 year old saying that. He has a girlfriend, will soon be fairly independent, and there is an increased chance of him maybe having sex or getting his gf pregnant. So not entirely harmless.

Aged about 14 i remember a classroom debate about what we thought we might do on leaving school. (1970s) My goal was to get married and have children. The teachers response: "are you completely mad?"🤣

I think you remind them that they will be experiencing lots of changes for the next ten or so years- living in different places, studying, working and generally establishing themselves as adults.
It’s lovely they have this friendship and can support each other, and as they get older they will need some freedom to try out different things and take up different opportunities. How important it is that they support each to do just that.

I might even mention the brain rewiring itself at their age, and for the next ten years.
Don’t say all this in a bid to end their relationship, but in the spirit of helping them feel the context of being their age. They don’t have quite the experience of the past and the future that an older person has.

And maybe keep calling it a friendship!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my 7 year old has married every girl in his class by now. It’s harmless.

You have talked to him about sex and contraception, haven’t you?

Similar thing happened with my son. He was 14 she was 15. I was worried it was too intense - it probably was but its just a first love thing. Four years on they're still together which I know is unusual at this age but it appears on the outside to be a healthy evolving relationship. They're both off to seperate unis soon.

Be careful to as someone has advised to 'pour cold water all over it'. At this age doing something like that just pushes them closer together. Just keep the lines of communication open and as others have said make sure you've had a chat with him about contraception and healthy boundries in relationships etc.

Get your son into martial arts and other sports to fill up his free time. He seems to have too much free time, this is the problem.

I think it’s quite normal too- for the ones who don’t- don’t they remember being a teen? Emotions can be so intense at that age.
Intervening in any way that’s obvious really won’t work with a teenager.

I think it's pretty normal, OP, tbh.

I'm 51 now but at secondary school, there were several kids getting engaged. One girl was 'engaged' 3 times in the 6th form to three different boys!

I knew lots of kids - male and female who intended to marry their teenage boyfriend or girlfriend.

Only one couple did and they're still maried now.

Yes, it's intense. But teenagers are intense...

It’s hyperfixation. Is your son neurodivergent too? Maybe he’s getting caught up in hers. Itll wear off. I get this with guys, usually ones I can’t have (undiagnosed adhd) Once I get the guy it dies down eventually. My bf at that age told me to back off and give him time for himself lol. It lasted 5 years and it was me that ended it.

It sounds like you're projecting some kind of disappointment from your own teenage years here, it's inappropriate to have this kind of lovey doveyness at 14. When you say it wasn't like this for you, it's not meant to be like this. Stop encouraging your child to have too serious a relationship when they are too young to fully understand it and more likely to have an inappropriate intimate relationship below the age of consent. Limit how much time they spend together for example

She's saying tell your child to realise they are 14 and give them something in BG to focus on besides and inappropriately serious relationship for a young teen

At age 15 and 16, me and my first boyfriend were absolutely, definitely going to get married.

We even bought matching rings from a market stall and wore them.

we had a pact that we would never spend more than 2 hours apart. I used to sneak him into my bedroom at night, or I would stay at his, lying that I was at a friends house, as his mum thought I was 16. I skived school and he skived college so we could be together. We planned on having a baby as soon as he finished college and got a full time job.

A year later, I was bored of him and dumped him.

They are children, I wouldn’t worry. They talk a lot of shit.

You should be far more worried than you seem to be.

You should be trying to protect your son from the level of besottedness you have smiled upon. He needs to have his time and energy turned to something else.

The girl's parents should never have allowed this. She is ND, she doesn't speak much English, she is new to the country. She should be focused on school, on making friends with her peers (not planning weddings and babies).

It's not a relationship of equals, even though they're both 14.

It does work out sometimes, though I expect it's very, very rare.
I know of two romances that started very young - my daughter's Girl Guide leader who met her boyfriend in her class at secondary school and they married at 16 (she was in her 40s when I first knew her).
One of my neighbours - he was evacuated during WW2 when he was a little boy and stayed with his future wife's family. He went home but kept in touch and they married in their teens. He sadly died during the Covid lockdown so we couldn't go to the funeral.