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Original poster

AIBU to worry my 14-year-old son is talking marriage?

116 replies

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 00:48

My 14 year old son has a 14 year old girlfriend. They're the cutest thing. The lovey dovey stuff they do is mostly adorable but my son is saying he wants to marry her and she's saying she wants to marry him. It's getting too intense.

She became the center point in his life, his top priority. I know, I know, teen boys are gonna be teen boys but this is overboard.

The girl, she's autistic and she has only been in my country since this school year. My son is her closest friend.

I'm a little concerned that the emotions are too intense.

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 01/05/2026 13:56

Practically- make sure there are condoms available. We had a lot of dc’s friends round all the time and I always kept a basket on the bathroom windowsill with an assortment of useful things-tampons, tissues, paracetamol, condoms, plasters….so they could all help themselves.

Tableforjoan · 01/05/2026 13:17

I was going to marry my boyfriend at 15.

I did and we have been together nearly 20 years now 😅

Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 13:13

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 13:10

So can you share your concerns that it’s all getting a bit intense with her parents? That seems like it might be very helpful.

Did your son voluntarily introduce the girlfriend to you, then? I suggested DS should bring her over to ours sometime and he actually shuddered! I’m not sure how to engineer this without some kind of formal invitation-to-dinner-style thing, which seems more like I think they’re going to marry!

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I don't want to end up doing something to cause her parents to force her to break up with my son. Her parents don't seem strict but I don't want to test too much how easygoing they are.

My son voluntarily introduced me to her. He really wanted me to meet her.

Since you say your son's girlfriend maybe more streetsmart, is she from a troubled background?

OP posts:
DominoLover51 · 01/05/2026 13:10

I thought I was going to marry my first boyfriend (at the time obviously). I was 14, he was 16. It fizzled out, but I remember those intense feelings well, Summer 1989 so a long time ago

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 13:10

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 13:05

I have.

I'm really surprised you haven't met the girlfriend.

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So can you share your concerns that it’s all getting a bit intense with her parents? That seems like it might be very helpful.

Did your son voluntarily introduce the girlfriend to you, then? I suggested DS should bring her over to ours sometime and he actually shuddered! I’m not sure how to engineer this without some kind of formal invitation-to-dinner-style thing, which seems more like I think they’re going to marry!

Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 13:05

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 13:02

No! We haven’t even met the girlfriend. Have you?

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I have.

I'm really surprised you haven't met the girlfriend.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 01/05/2026 13:02

mathanxiety · 01/05/2026 05:10

You should be far more worried than you seem to be.

You should be trying to protect your son from the level of besottedness you have smiled upon. He needs to have his time and energy turned to something else.

The girl's parents should never have allowed this. She is ND, she doesn't speak much English, she is new to the country. She should be focused on school, on making friends with her peers (not planning weddings and babies).

It's not a relationship of equals, even though they're both 14.

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Nobody said she doesn't speak much English?!

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 13:02

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:52

Have you met the parents of your son's girlfriend?

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No! We haven’t even met the girlfriend. Have you?

Jellybunny98 · 01/05/2026 12:54

Ah I honestly wouldn’t worry too much OP, I think me and all of my friends were convinced we were going to marry our boyfriends at 13!

Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:52

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 12:47

Yes we had the sex and contraception talk years ago too - but I’d like to update it with some reminders. My DS won’t engage now though! He also gave me the horrified “I’m not thinking about that” line. I’m wondering how to approach it now.

I think I need to get DS to invite her over. So far 95% of their “dates” have been sitting in the park. I suppose I should just be relieved there’s not much opportunity for getting up to anything he shouldn’t be in the park!

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Have you met the parents of your son's girlfriend?

OP posts:
Catabogus · 01/05/2026 12:47

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:19

The 1st time I talked to my son about sex and contraception was when he was 10.
The most recent talk he said his girlfriend is a princess and he's not thinking about that.

She's been to my house many times. That's why I know a lot of the things they say to each other. I don't have to easedrop, they talk openly.

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Yes we had the sex and contraception talk years ago too - but I’d like to update it with some reminders. My DS won’t engage now though! He also gave me the horrified “I’m not thinking about that” line. I’m wondering how to approach it now.

I think I need to get DS to invite her over. So far 95% of their “dates” have been sitting in the park. I suppose I should just be relieved there’s not much opportunity for getting up to anything he shouldn’t be in the park!

user1476613140 · 01/05/2026 12:46

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:07

His extracurricular, karate, is also her extracurricular.

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Get him into football then or anything else she isn't involved in!

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · 01/05/2026 12:37

Very unlikely they will get married but my brother did come home from school at 13 and say “I’ve met the girl I’m going to marry”. We took the piss out of him relentlessly… they are married now and have been for 15 years. It is extremely unlikely, and it’s probably just teenagers being teenagers. Just make sure he doesn’t get her pregnant and you’ll be fine.

Ncisdouble · 01/05/2026 12:30

I still have boyfriend from when I was 12😂 we agreed to be bf/gfand never spoke again. Cheating on him with my DH now lol.
It's teenagers. We were all bit crazy at 14. Her being from another country doesn't automatically mean she is vulnerable because of that as some seem to suggest.

Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:29

Madarch · 01/05/2026 12:24

Awww... I was 'engaged' with a ring and everything at 15 to my 15 year old 'fiance'
It's not necessarily going to harm anyone.

I go back and forth from thinking my son's relationship is cute to being worried.

OP posts:
Ncisdouble · 01/05/2026 12:28

ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:11

I apologize, I didn't mean to imply that she doesn't speak much English, her English is excellent.

I also didn't mean to imply that she's social isolated.

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You didn't

Madarch · 01/05/2026 12:24

Awww... I was 'engaged' with a ring and everything at 15 to my 15 year old 'fiance'
It's not necessarily going to harm anyone.

Mischance · 01/05/2026 12:22

This too will pass. It's a phase. First flush of first love.
Just let it wash by you ... "Oh, very nice love" and be there to pick up the pieces when it fizzles out.

Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:19

Catabogus · 01/05/2026 09:32

I am in a similar situation with my same-age DS - he has his first girlfriend and seems a bit besotted. He has lots of extra-curricular activities and other things to focus on as well, and it all seems respectful and sweet rather than inappropriate, but I’d be very interested to hear advice from those who’ve been through it already, on:

a) the practical sex and contraception talk - how did you approach this? I attempted it last weekend but got a horrified “Mum! I’m only 14! I’m not even thinking about anything like that!” reaction

b) whether you invite the GF over and try to get to know her at home, or whether they just continue hanging out in the park/going bowling etc? I don’t want accidentally to make it more serious than it is, IYSWIM, but at the same time it would be nice to meet this girl that he can’t stop talking about!

The 1st time I talked to my son about sex and contraception was when he was 10.
The most recent talk he said his girlfriend is a princess and he's not thinking about that.

She's been to my house many times. That's why I know a lot of the things they say to each other. I don't have to easedrop, they talk openly.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:13

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 01/05/2026 09:34

Are you in the US, OP? Did you post a while back about ‘cute’?

I had made a post being concerned that my son called his girlfriend's autism "cute."

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:11

mathanxiety · 01/05/2026 05:10

You should be far more worried than you seem to be.

You should be trying to protect your son from the level of besottedness you have smiled upon. He needs to have his time and energy turned to something else.

The girl's parents should never have allowed this. She is ND, she doesn't speak much English, she is new to the country. She should be focused on school, on making friends with her peers (not planning weddings and babies).

It's not a relationship of equals, even though they're both 14.

Show quote history

I apologize, I didn't mean to imply that she doesn't speak much English, her English is excellent.

I also didn't mean to imply that she's social isolated.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThatElatedRubyCat · 01/05/2026 12:07

user1476613140 · 01/05/2026 07:08

Get your son into martial arts and other sports to fill up his free time. He seems to have too much free time, this is the problem.

His extracurricular, karate, is also her extracurricular.

OP posts:
sunshinestar1986 · 01/05/2026 11:31

I mean he's 14
Can't get married for at least 4 years.
A lot can happen and change in 4 years

user1464187087 · 01/05/2026 10:39

CurlewKate · 01/05/2026 07:19

You have talked to him about sex and contraception, haven’t you?

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OP has already said that she has. You sound patronising.

QuintadosMalvados · 01/05/2026 09:59

Rainbowunicorn12 · 01/05/2026 09:52

I think you need to calm down, at 14 everything does feel intense and crazy kind of good feeling and that’s all this is. They are dreaming and imagining a future together it doesn’t mean they’re getting married tomorrow so chill on it Jesus

Totally agree. I'm still agog at the suggestion upthread where I got the impression that it was sort of hinted that he's exploiting her in some way. He's a 14-year-old boy ffs.