AIBU to worry my 14-year-old son is talking marriage?

Maybe the more they see of each other, the sooner they will fall out?

Encourage him to do another extra curricular activity that doesn’t involve her, alongside the karate. It’s so important to have friends and not have all of his focus on one person. At 14, I had crushes and would have liked to have kissed a boy (didn’t happen until 16) but definitely didn’t want sex or marriage. He should be focused on schooling, friends, sports and hobbies at this age.

Ok, they want to get married. Your ds needs to understand the responsibilities. Both he and he girlfriend need to prepare the foundations of their future, so they can get decent jobs and afford their marital home. So that means knuckling down and studying during exam years so they can afford to marry and live together.

it will likely fizzle out, but just in case make sure you discuss that if he loves her the best thing for both of them, especially her health due to pregnancy risk, is to wait until older for a sexual relationship and also to discuss contraception.

It used to be teens seemed to just want to get the highest body count possible, and would never discuss marriage. At least this shows care and respect.
They can't marry until 18 now (or are you in Scotland). Just occasionally, high school sweethearts do marry, but it is unlikely.

Appropriate username.

“Well you might think about it in the future, so I’m afraid you’re still going to have to listen to my embarrassing lecture. Now, when you put your penis in a girl’s vagina, she can get pregnant. Even if it is only once, even if she is a virgin, even if you don’t cum. Teenage girls are very fertile, if you are having unprotected sex she WILL get pregnant, very quickly. Wear a condom every single time your penis goes anywhere near a vagina. Stick to oral or handjobs if you don’t have a condom. Do not get carried away, and do not believe any ridiculous urban myths about not getting pregnant standing up or any other rubbish like that”.

Just talk at him, regardless of his embarrassment. Text it to him if he doesn’t listen. Better embarrassed for ten minutes than a teen dad.

14 …I knew girls pregnant at 12, a 14 yr old having sex with the ( older) boy next door..he was in the police. In fact, in my grammar school, most girls in my year had had sex before 16 .I was sneered at for being frigid, though I wasn’t the only one..still it was expected that girls sleep with bfs . Children? They are as old as they have ever been. They don’t see themselves as children .

My middle son was 6 when he told me, he hoped he’d die before he grew up, because he didn’t want to get married .

I think I’d have preferred your scenario

If they are going to have sex, it’s better if they do it safely. It’s ridiculously naive to think they won’t be thinking about it-if not now then soon. I would prefer they knew where to get a condom at short notice!

First love, first crushes, can feel very intense. Sounds like your son will love deeply, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

They're just swept up in the rush of first love. He probably won't even remember her name 20 years from now.

If she left in a mad rush and forgot to flush the toilet, he'd probably call her shit "cute" too. He's 14 and in love, she's perfect in his eyes.

You're overthinking all this way too much. He understands about contraception and consent, they can't get married for another 4yrs anyway and they both seem like nice people. There's nothing to worry about IMO. This notion that we should police what seems like a happy relationship is weird. Some people do marry young.

There's so many unhappy adults around, how did waiting work out for them?! If two young people have found happiness, let them have it. It'll probably fizzle out anyway but if it doesn't and they get married at 18, so what? Why do they have to go do what everyone else does? Which often seems to be: chasing money and buying a ton of unnecessary stuff, struggling to afford to live independently as a singleton, drifting into a LTR out of convenience, with someone they don't want to marry or who doesn't want to marry them, have children "by accident" (unprotected sex) with abusive/lazy/unsuitable fuckwits because they're subconsciously broody (and time's running out, if they're female), have a messy resentful break up and slink off into the depths of middle-age to lick their wounds, declaring the opposite sex are all bastards or only wanted their money. What's to aspire to there?

People can still have careers, happy homes, a good education etc if they've married young. I don't see why there's this societal hatred for it personally. If they grow apart, fall out of love and divorce, well woop-di-do they can join the rest of the divorced population then, it's hardly crime of the century 🤷 and at least they'll be co-parenting their kids with someone who's actually nice. That's worst case scenario. Most probably they'll have some falling out or grow apart long before they even marry, like most young people in first relationships do.

You cant make it less intense. You cant manage people's feelings so nothing you can do there.

There are some things you can so, you can make him less available with family activities, reduction in social media use etc.

However absence makes the heart grow fonder is an expression for a reason.

The best thing you can do is to be ready with a shoulder if it fizzles out.

Mind you I was 15 when I met my husband and im mid 40s now still together!

My son and his girlfriend were picking out baby names when they were 14. There was no baby and that girlfriend is no longer a girlfriend. No wouldn't get too worried or too involved. Did you not try out your married name with boyfriends in your teen years I know me and my friends did

No I don’t think she has any troubled background. My DS is perhaps just quite young and un-streetwise in some ways (despite being very mature and sensible in others).

I’m surprised by the comments saying no teens should be in relationships! Having a first boyfriend/girlfriend at 14 seems well within normal to me, especially at a mixed-sex school. I guess it’s just the sudden intensity that gives me pause for thought.

How do you do this when they’re just 14 without making it look like you think they are likely to be/should be contemplating sex? Or did you have older teenagers too?

They’re not “young children,” they’re teenagers, and it’s normal for them to be interested in dating and romance. Since when is it not?

This is within the realm of normal behavior for two fourteen-year-olds having their first relationship. If you try to break them up or “talk him down” from the relationship, you’ll give them a “star-crossed lovers” narrative to lean into, and you’ll be teaching your son that intense romantic feelings are to be avoided. Which might seem just fine in the short term, but won’t set up a healthy pattern for future romantic relationships.

So many people on this site seem to be afraid of their adolescent or younger adult children being emotionally passionate about people or things that weren’t “pre-approved” by their parents, and so many people seem to get anxious that somehow those feelings are going to damage their children.

Why are you encouraging this nonsense?? They’re 14 and young children. Absolutely no one I know with teens are in relationships. Why isn’t he busy with normal things like extra curricular and school?

Sounds totally normal for a pair of daft teens, to be honest. It will be over as quickly as it started and he'll be desperately in love with the next one soon. Don't worry about it.