To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

If your 16yo DS were a 16yo DD @OneThingAfterTheOther would you have the same low expectations?

Could you make a sandwich / piece of toast and a hot chocolate for yourself at 16? I bet you could.

If course they did. From age 11 upwards.

My 8 year old DGS is perfectly capable of getting himself a sandwich and fruit also

Yes, and even if he makes a mistake, he can learn from it. Like my son doing a cold wash for his sheets.

My 16 year old makes her own lunch, cooks about half the evening meals, and does the online grocery shopping. Husband makes his own lunch and breakfast and cooks the other half of the evening meals. Just refuse to do it.

Not just their own lunch. Family breakfast once a week on Saturdays (including washing up) and helps out with family dinner at the weekend.
Makes own breakfast every morning and walks to school 25 minutes away. And that's at the age of 14. At 16, I wouldn't even keep track of whether or not they had something to eat until dinner time. They know where the fridge is.

And what's all this "making snacks" nonsense - surely kids just grab an apple from the fruit bowl?

I would suggest that once at the weekend you get them all in the kitchen with you and show them how to make one thing they like. Once they know how to cook it then they can continue. Unfortunately you can't now say no cook it yourself as they haven't been taught.
I have 3 kids 11,13 and 14. They all sort themselves out for breakfast and lunch but I did have to show them how to cook warm food.

Yes and also I think DH is the one sending the strong message that we should be cooking for DC and not asking them to do it themselves.

Where we actually means you?

Ive never made DH breakfast or lunch in my life
We just get our own

" can I get?"
I would snap as well , he could F right off with that, your family are treating you like their personal assistant
If they have arms they can help themselves

Your 16 year old should be more than capable of dealing with a load of washing. How many specialist variable can there be?!

Ok I’m gonna be blunt with you here , I have two teens one is 16 and sitting exams same as yours one is university but still living at home , they make their own breakfast and lunch when home when at school they make and take their own lunch they get their own snacks , they both have a laundry day in the house where they do their own laundry , they’re both in change of cleaning their own spaces also they’re not toddlers they’re young adults who need to learn to be grown adults , both my kids make dinner for the house once a week also each . Now I work and my husband works we take it in turns making dinner for the household on our days and lunch is the individual responsibility, I do the main washing like towels and bedding and every day clothes he washes his own work uniform separate (dirty job) I strip the bed and wash it he remakes it , we have a dog a family dog we all take turns picking up dog pooh . Honestly in a duel working household everything needs to be shared where you pick up one task more he picks up another more like I do 99% of the cleaning but he does all the bins every day and bits like that . It’s time for a reshape in your house so you don’t end up snapping over eggs , and make it known if you say no to eggs don’t come asking for some when I’ve finished cooking and also tell him to use his manners in future , you need to stop babying your son before you make him another person future problem .

Sounds like a hotel, all
these on tap meals and hot snacks!
Let the DH and teenager feed themselves, you’re creating too much for yourself to do.

DD is 15. She has made her own breakfast since she was about 7 and lunch since she was about 9? And since high school she makes at least 2 dinners for herself per week as well.

Why on earth can’t your 16 year old make any food?

It's like a regression. Me and my friends (aged late 60s) have never done this kind of molly coddling, and have functioning adult children.

It feels like the 1950s still that we have to nag and nudge them even though women have been working in jobs now and contributing to bills as well for almost a 100 years.....

I said no to this many many years before marriage and kids. It’s a common theme on here, and a common trap, for sure, but it’s absolutely not something you have to accept. There will have been years’ worth of opportunities before this week for you to enforce a fairer division of household labour.

In 25 years I have never done DH’s washing, ironing, bought cards or presents for his family (I don’t even have their phone numbers), allowed him to assume anything is my job.

In this house, if you don’t need to use genitals to do it, it’s anyone’s task. We are both capable adults with demanding jobs but the responsibility for the life we chose is absolutely shared.

Give hin the recipe and he can cook it.

My kids are 16 and 18 and i haven't made them breakfast or lunch for years!! They've been sorting their own since they were 11/12ish. If your 16 year old can't make a sandwich or stick some chicken goujons in the oven that's ridiculous!

It was definitely a slow burner lol.

The OP said her husband and son are Asian, she doesn't say she is.

And expectation or not, she can choose to stop raising a lazy son who thinks his parents' only purpose in life is to be at his beck and call.

Is your DS unable to make himself a sandwich for lunch or get a snack and drink???

I think a lot of British people don’t understand how much pressure there is in the Asian community from women as much as men! Your own mum, aunts, mil, even a lot of older sisters or cousins from the same generation will have these attitudes like you should be doing certain things because you’re a woman. And on top of that there is often equal pressure to be ambitious in the workplace. It is exhausting and needs to change! The more women have these conversations and insist on these boundaries the better it will be for everyone in the end!

Defo! I know this isn't the main point of the thread but agreed and it would make life so much easier to batch cook. I mentioned upthread that there's a brilliant YouTuber named Shamsa and she does a lot of South Asian batch cooking. It's common to have a base 'gravy' to start with and then add a different protein/veg/starch. I would only support the batch cooking if they all did it together though!! The 16 year old can learn some knife skills 😀

Just ridiculous. Your 16 year old and dh can make and clean up from snacks. Your 16 year old and dh can clean up from meals they don’t cook. Online shop for things so dh’s chore is of real vale. A 16 year old doesn’t need to be dropped off at school like a toddler. My teens got themselves by bus snd tube to school every day without help.

I think it might help her workload if others got off their arses.

A bit OT, and a separate issue from getting your menfolk to behave properly, but it does sound as if it might help your workload to use a slow cooker and batch cook. If the family desire is chicken curry for lunch every day, make it in bulk and freeze it! (I would also cheat by stirring different things in to different curries to make it taste as if they are totally different dishes, whereas in fact they are all the same basic curry plus ,,,,ummm, yoghurt, cream, coconut, curry leaves..... (Changing the colour of the curry would go a long way towards convincing your ungrateful family that they were getting a completely different dish).