To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

I feel so tired all the time, have asked work to go down to 3.5 days a week from 5, we will struggle with money but it will be worth it

No, you tell the adult and almost adult to step up and pull their weight! You going part time so you can do more housework makes no sense.

Does DH think that feeding yourself, doing your own laundry and cleaning up after yourself is 'girls stuff'?

This is utter madness.

and honestly, kids enjoy cooking and that they have made something the rest of the family likes. We started with easy child friendly cookbooks, then moved onto Roasting Tin series, but they both also really like Meera Sodha Indian recipes, many of which are beginner-friendly. As others said, your son might be moving out in just a couple of years, you (both parents) need to start preparing him for independent life.

I provide one meal a day. Everything else is help yourself and has been since DC were, maybe 10 years old. I make sure there is plenty of stuff available for them.

11 year old cooks REG-U-LAR-LY. When she’s in a good mood she brings us coffees to bed (she’s an early riser). Makes desserts and dinners weekly, nothing complicated but knows a variety of pasta / chicken dishes. Cooks eggs every morning and cleans after cooking. She shares load with 9 year old sibling.
Come on! We need to ask more from male humans!

I'd say you are the architect of your own demise!

OP, listen to yourself now. What do you do?

If I had kindly made my son (lot younger than yours) a sandwich and instead of being thankful, he whined that lunch is not up to his standards...I mean I can't even immediately tell you what would happen, but it would not be pleasant for him. What disrespect and ungratefulness.

Wow, he has you wrapped around his little finger! Do your future DIL a favour and sort this out now. He's not a baby

Yes which is why I said it needs to change and that the more women that insist on this the better it will be for everyone. What kind of grown man needs to ask his wife to make breakfast (or thinks it’s ok to ask this as she is just about to sit down with her own after previously saying he didn’t want any)? And that’s where the DS is currently headed unless things change. No good for him or a future partner, or the OP or her H.

You can not be serious!

His housemates at Uni are going to hate him so much.

@OneThingAfterTheOther Your 16 year old should be making his own breakfast ( when he's not eating at the same time as you and DH), his own mid morning snack, and making sandwiches, soup or whatever for lunch. Can't believe you are still doing all that for him. If he can't do these things, he needs to learn pronto!

Honestly, you are not doing him any favours not preparing him for independence, if he can't do those things? If he can do them - then make sure he just does them himself.

YANBU to be irritated at your husband though for saying no he didn't want any toast and eggs and then changing his mind, when you had finished cooking yours and was just about to serve it up. If you don't usually snap at him, it won't have done him any harm to see how irritated you were!

The fact you'd offered him breakfast before you made yours is very relevant. No you are not unreasonable to snap at him in those circumstances. He shouldn't just be making lunch today, he should be doing an equal amount of cooking. If you've done the past 4 days, he can do everything this weekend.

My DC are 16 and 19, I rarely do any meals for anyone else except our evening meal, and havent for years.

DD is at uni half the time, so just DS but everyone eats breakfast at different times, so we sort ourselves out.

If DH or I do a cooked breakfast at the weekend we offer if anyone else wants it but otherwise its help yourself. Same if im making a pack lunch I might offer to make one for DS but generally he makes his own.

Neither of us wfh very regularly.(DH almost never, me once or twice a fortnight, at the most) im going to try and organise some days at home during GCSEs, but thats mainly to give DS a chance to debrief , and possibly give him a lift if he has multiple exams on one day.

DC have been making their own meals and snacks in school holidays since they were 11 or 12, because we weren't at home. My most frequent whatsapp from DS is "how long should i heat this for!" (Neither like sandwiches or cold lunches so this would usually be pasta, leftovers, jacket potatoes, pizza, beige freezer food etc)

Its definitely not unreasonable for either your DS or DH to make their own food.

DS helped with washing up a few times, and other small chores That’s nowhere near enough. I presume he’s heading off to uni? How’s he going to cope if he can’t cook, clean, operate a washing machine etc? And even if he studies locally, what’s going to happen when he meets someone he wants to live with? How many young women are going to agree to working full time and being chief cook and bottle washer, simply because he grew up watching his mum do it all?

I think mainly its just that DH helps with a meal or two every few days and he was just 'locking in' as the kids say to not do it this week Oh no mate, that’s not happening. It doesn’t matter if you have the biggest screaming match ever and don’t talk for a week. The jobs still need doing and meals still need cooking. And he is responsible for 50% of them, whether he’s sulking or not.

It feels like the 1950s still that we have to nag and nudge them even though women have been working in jobs now and contributing to bills as well for almost a 100 years..... You have the power to change all of that. If he isn’t doing it willingly now, then he’s not going to tell you, but you can change every single bit of this. You tell him that you might accept being treated like a skivvy from his father, because you don’t want to tell a 90 yr old to sod right off, but you will not accept it from him; the man who is supposed to love and respect you. You tell him that he is currently being an absolutely crap husband and it’s just not good enough. So he either starts pulling his weight and does his full share, (and does it properly, with no weaponised incompetence) or you’ll start thinking of him as the child he’s currently behaving like and that will be your marriage over and done with. And than he’ll be doing 100% of his housework. Ask him if he wants a wife who loves and respects him? Or a wife who thinks he’s pathetic and incompetent?

And how are you planning to break the 1950s cycle when you’re running around doing everything for your fully grown and able son?

this is the perfect time for him to start making his own lunches - he isn't revising all day every day and a break is good!