To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

OP are you genuinely planning to reduce your hours because of the pressure of the maid service expected from you by two grown men? Really?! You’re prepared to risk your financial independence and pension because your husband and son can’t make a sandwich? This is complete madness.

Why on earth are you accepting this misogyny? You are not even a “traditional” household - you have a FT job AND are doing all the domestic chores AND tutoring your son! Why? Why are you accepting this? And you do realise that the minute you go down to PT at work the very little your husband and son do now will diminish to absolute zero? You really will be their maid then.

I know this isn't the point of the post, but April seems so early for exams. When I was at school, I'm sure my A-levels ran through till the third week in June, and there's no way we started in April. What a truncated second year of A-levels!

In your first post you said you and DH generally shared chores, but that is clearly not true.
You do most of everything for you, your DH and DS.
No wonder you are tired!

This is a problem of your own making, so it's up to you to fix it.

Both DH and DS are lazy and entitled Asian men (your words, not mine!).
They will not change unless they have to.

So you need to reintroduce the pre-Pandemic routine, with tweaks ie you do even less than you did then.

Everyone makes their own breakfast, lunch, and snacks.

And everyone takes a turn of making dinner - you do 3 nights, DH does 3, and DS does one. Cook cleans up after themselves.
DS loads/unloads dishwasher (or washes/dries up).

There are recipes and how-to videos available at the click of a mouse, so no-one has an excuse not to do it.
And any idiot can cook pasta, open a jar of sauce, and grate some cheese.

So, meals sorted.

Chores.
Divide those up eg by upstairs/downstairs. One cleans the kitchen, the other does the bathroom.
DS can vacuum.
Laundry - you and DH take it in turns for yours, DS does his. Includes washing, drying, folding, and putting away.
Ditto for changing the beds.
Everyone tidies up after themselves.
Garden - DS mows lawn, you and DH weed/tidying.
Do a main online shop for your basics, DH can still go and look for any bargains on top of that.
Pay a window cleaner!

Chores sorted.

Don't stop working and compromise your pension because you're doing everything at home as well as working full-time.

Makes pasta at eight years old? Is she even tall enough to use the hob??

This is mad OP.

You can teach him to make quick hot lunches if that’s what he likes, toasties, noodles, omelettes, warmed pitta bread, quesadillas…?

Look I have teens doing exams at the moment as well and I am doing a lot of extra cooking as they’re at home a lot and I want them to have healthy home made food and snacks. I’ve been taking hot chocs, home made popcorn etc up to their rooms for a surprise when they’re revising. But the minute their exams are over they’ll be expected to pitch in again.

And they are perfectly capable of getting their own, I’m not home all the time as I’m at work a lot! They can warm up leftovers, use the oven and air fryer, make sandwiches etc… make their own hot drinks.

I have done some baking etc over the weekend as they are snacking so much at the moment I wanted them to have something home made.

And the difference is my DH is doing over half of this as he’s a much better cook and he also wants them to eat well.

Of course, but the point is that she was really tired and exhausted after the last few days. People do snap when they're knackered.

You'd be crazy to reduce your income because its too much looking after a 16 year old. Keep the income and help him become more independent.

how about "and when you make your own you can make mine too" Payback time.

You're obviously exhausted. You obviously just snapped over what would normally be a tiny thing. But it sounds as if you've made a rod for your own back with those two, waiting on them hand and foot and doing all the housework. As you say, this is like the 1950s, only then the wife would be at home all day and have time to lie around reading novels. Things are different now and your two menfolk have to realise that and get with the program. It's up to you to put your foot down and say, nope, I'm not making 4 meals a day any more. You can either have what I'm having or make your own.

this. If you all ways do what you always did, you will always get what you've always had.

He said we will get so bloated from the bread, we are less bloaty on rice and dal and veg stir fy with it. Then he said Oh we can have the thai green curry from Coop thats in the fridge we just need to jasmine rice to go with it'

Tell him if bread affects him he will need to make something else for himself, that you don't have time to make two different meals.

At 16, my kids were sorting out most of their own breakfasts and lunches. In fact probably quite a bit younger than that. When you’re raising a young person, you ideally want to teach them some skills to use in adulthood. You can’t just launch them off into the world at 18/21 without any prep. Making breakfast or lunch for oneself is a basic skill which most 16 year-olds can easily manage (recognising of course that this is different if they have learning difficulties, disabilities or neurodivergence which affect their executive functioning)

Why on earth are you making this many meals for a bloody 16 year old. Does he not have hands. I only make dinner for mine. The rest he is more than capable of making himself. Your raising a boy who is going to have this sense of entitlement over his future wife. Terrible !!!

Your child is 16? I was thinking they must have been around 8. Stop doing all of that for them. You are bringing this on yourself.

I find these family set ups utterly bizarre. You are a slave to your child but resent making your husband who works full time breakfast. Mine did their own breakfasts and lunches from age 12 and took over cooking 1 meal a week at 14. Durinf lockdown they made my breakfast and lunch because I was too busy! I didn't even ask - they just did it because it needed doing! They are both horrified how few friends could could a proper meal or wash their clothes. You are not doing your son any favours he needs to learn life skills and could make lunch for both his parents who are working as a thanks for your 'tutoring' in his exam subjects.

Or he may just be a sexist pig.

It might be worth getting checked out physically, since that level of exhaustion isn't typical. Though I agree with the PP that it's also entirely possible your exhaustion is due to stress and the emotional effort of dealing with your demanding and selfish DH. It may have nothing to do with the number of hours you work.

In my family, everyone is responsible for their own breakfast and lunch. We share the cooking for dinner, though recently my DH has been cooking far more than I have due to a change in work hours.

Why not institute a "fend for yourself" rule for breakfast and lunch? And share the cooking for your evening meal, including having your son cook once or twice a week.

you're trying to work full on and still be a wife/parent at the same time

I’m not sure what “being a wife” in this circumstance involves. It surely shouldn’t be about skivvying?

Oh we can have the thai green curry from Coop thats in the fridge we just need to jasmine rice to go with it'

So it’s not even that anyone has to cook? Just stab a curry and put it in the microwave for 5 mins? You can buy packets of jasmine rice if navigating boiling water is too tricky for this man-baby.

This weekend you should get him to batch cook a load of curries and put them in the freezer. You could even cook and freeze rice, or get frozen packets or the pouches. In 2-3 hours he could have curry 4 times a day at the time of his choosing and you could get some peace and quiet. Get DD cooking with his father too.

You're tired because you're completely stressed out - you're trying to work full on and still be a wife/parent at the same time. During the work day, stop being a wife and mother! You really can't do both. Everyone has to fend for themselves until after work finishes. And sort your son out to be an independent man - you're raising someone else's potential husband...do you really think it is fair to unleash that kind of dependency onto another person in the future?!

Also, with your DH's father, that's you being a martyr and your DH should step in. Ridiculous. Just stop it. Who cares what other people expect. Just be clear on what you will and won't be doing and then everyone knows where they stand.