Inheritance to grandchildren bypassing children

"Personally I'd split my estate 50-50, so that my kids share one half between them, and my grandkids share the other half."

That's what my parents did. It wasn't exactly 50/50, but a certain percentage was shared between the children and a certain percentage was shared between the grandchildren.

It's likely that we will become grandparents in the next year or two, so we will give some thought to how or if we want to rewrite our wills to take account of any grandchildren.

Good grief - I never knew anyone thought like this.

Then give it to them. Your choice.

This is a good point!

OP did you want the inheritance money yourself so you could be the one to play Lady Muck and generously hand it out in dribs and drabs with your children beholden to you for being so generous?

The sibling isn't getting a penny, so definitely not a larger share.

The grandchildren are individual people, and in the OPs case likely to be adults in their 20s or 30s, they are not parts of their parents.

You can still give them a deposit for their first house, or pay for their wedding.

Unless you were banking on inheritance from your IL’s to be able to do this? In which case you just sound entitled.

I'm sorry to hear that your diamond shoes are too tight.

Honestly there's no better definition of that metaphor than complaining that grandparents might give your children house deposits because you wanted to!

If one of the grandparents is lucky enough to live into their late 80s and leaves the money to their children, those "children" will be in their late 50s or 60s most likely, and grandchildren in 20s or 30s - exactly the point in life when a house deposit or a cushion towards working part time for a few years while children are very young would be most useful.

I will never cease to be amazed by the sense of entitlement some people have to other people’s money. They might throw in a token ‘yea, it’s their money and they can do as they wish’ but that is then followed by a ‘but’ and ‘should’. The only thing that should happen is what the testator wants to happen. Not what a daughter in law thinks should happen or wants to happen.

I’m with OP. And of course, their money, no expectations etc.
In my large family we have between 1-4 children each. Very varied circumstances. Would feel wrong if one sibling got a larger share because they chose to have more children or if my lovely brother was left out because he is well off.
Sounds like you’re decent people who would look after your DC so the traditional way is best.

it would have been fairer to share between all

i grew up with my grandparents.
My parents and older siblings worked and that’s just how it was - I sincerely doubt they asked to raise another child in their 70s, but they were so good to me - and so sweet.
My mum has one sister, and they rarely visited my grandparents - but when they did, the kids ran in and opened the refrigerator and tore through it and then headed for the cookie jar.
They were monsters - just terribly misbehaved.
And then, when we were all grown up, out of six grandchildren, I was the only one to ever visit.
It hurt my heart when Nana and Papa asked me what my siblings and cousins were up to.
But being the grandparents they were, they left everything to their two daughters.
No fights, no hard feelings.
But I’m the only one with my grandparents in my heart. ❤️
I don’t care about money. I don’t care about stuff.

YANBU. We have three DC, two have DC of their own, although not the same number, and one is childfree. If we were to leave money to the DGC we would be disinheriting one of our DC.
The only fair way is to leave money to the DC and let them pass it on as they choose.

I have seen a GC get inheritance when they were in their early 20s and it’s now gone. They lived off it, stopped them looking for work and have in reality lost confidence to go out into the adult world.
could you suggest that the money gets put in a trust if received before the children are of a certain age.

I've also got an in-law situation. PIL aren't actually aware of everyone's full story and don't ask questions or talk about anything let along circumstances or other people's feelings.
3 siblings, 6 gcs, all at the cusp of change - health, retirement, school, uni, 20 something.
They are also going down a crappy trust route for relatively small sums overseen by uncles with no input to family life.
It like they watched too much Downton abbey but forget it's a semi handy for Croydon.

Your parents could always leave you’re daughters money in a disabled persons trust
with you as the trustee

this would mean she would still be able to still get her benefits and have access to the trust via the trustees

You could always get your parents to split it 50 percent to your brother and what would be your half go to your kids direct

a few of my friends parents have done this

We were caught up in a relative leaving 'a legacy for future generations'.
It was not untypical for her and divide and rule. It also got endlessly updated due to death bed situation. The very end result was 10k for me and a 15k trust for my at the time new born eldest. My no contact brother as trustee. We were absolutely skint at the time, bought a house, no money for repairs, literally patching it up. Its potentially been as complicated as could be for a relatively small sum and the rather random amounts distributed to siblings, babies but not older kids and not future siblings was absolutely done to divide and rule from beyond the grave.

I agree with you, I don't think it's right to do that. Unless there is a major reason not to, then the money should go to their children and then they decide how to distribute it.

I don’t understand your take on this. You say you don’t need the money, so just pass it on to your children.

YANBU. It's not the natural way for things to happen. Personally I think it's very selfish for them to bypass their own children (your husband and his brother).

This could lead to a lot of resentment for all sorts of reasons and I agree it's not healthy for children to receive money this way either.

Your kids aren't getting more, all of them are getting the same. They are all equally related to their grandparents, there's no DS1s kids and DS2s kids, they're just the grandkids. Why should grandkids with more siblings get less of a share when they're already getting less of a share generally by being from a larger family.

I get their decision, why give all your money to older adults who have had their whole lives already just so it can be frittered away on retirement and care homes , when you could pass it to someone just at the start of adulthood so they can have a home and security for their whole lives and provide for their children easier.

Mixed feelings. On one hand, I don't mind the idea. On the other, I'd be worried if my children's grandparents did this.

My children are in their 20s. I have one child who receives means tested disability support. Not in the UK. I have worked really, really hard to get these supports in place, and I still fund a good portion of their needs myself. I don't mind that, so it's not a complaint. If a grandparent left my child money, they would lose these hard won supports. That's not a problem if they are left enough that they are taken care of for life. It's a problem if they leave them enough to tie them over for a few years or even a decade or two. Then those hard won supports have to be fought for again. It would be a disadvantage for them.

Better to leave it to me and trust I will use it to the benefit of the grandchild instead, which I will.

I think this is a good idea. It stops paying double inheritance tax and it means the grandchildren get the money at an age when it is likely to be most useful to them (when they need it for house deposits etc). I would be encouraging my parents to do the same, except that my brother is child free so it would not be fair in our case as my DC would get 100% of the money.

My sons paternal grandparents left everything to him as their only grandchild

He inherited a few years ago and bought a house with his partner ( he protected his deposit )

he also inherited from my late parents which I was happy with and actually ask my late parents to leave it to him rather than me

it’s basically set him up for life in a forever type home at the age of 30 with his partner

he has a small mortgage with his partner as he didn’t want to blow all the money

bought a newish car outright

they had a holiday of a lifetime in Asia for 4 weeks

he still has plenty of money in the bank as well for emergencies

he has been very sensible with the money but I did give him lots of advice especially with regards to protecting his deposit and he listened to me

We have a similar situation. DM is leaving her estate split equally between her DGCs in a trust fund. I am angry about it.

I am angry because she didnt talk to all of us, her DCs. One of my DBs knew and I suspect talked her into it. Other DB knew nothing about it and is deeply hurt.

DM has end stage dementia. Her estate was never big and is being eaten up by care home fees. DBs and I are soon going to be stuck unravelling the trust fund which will be worth sweet FA.

It is fine to skip a generation but at least have the decency to talk to the people who are being skipped especially if you are leaving them all the work and none of the benefit.