Inheritance to grandchildren bypassing children

Your children will get 1/5, no more or less than the other grandchildren. It's also none of your business.

I was going to write this.
OP’s point appears to be entirely from a place of entitlement and desire to be Lady Bountiful with money she hasn't earned for herself. It isn't even from her own inheritance line, it's her ILs.

One really big issue with leaving to named GC or even GGC is that more children could
be born. You have to keep on top of your will and not die suddenly!

People do it so children of a remarriage don’t inherit or query the will but it can lead to other problems.

It's partially about money. Of course it is!
If somebody requires care then it may be cheaper for the adult child to give up work, cut their hours etc to assist the aging parent.

How could anybody in their right mind think that caring for another adult does not have a financial component to it?

Yet they're not getting a penny!

Unless it's to avoid taxes, adult child is dead ergo grandkid gets the money or the adult parent is a completely awful person, I maintain that there is a narcissistic element to this leaving to the grandkids nonsense.

Most people are average, just do the normal thing and leave it to the kids ffs.
Such pretension not to do otherwise.

There is a good reason to skip a generation - No IHT either for the parents or the grandchildren to pay. In any case, it's the grandparents money to do as they wish.

They might not have the inheritance you imagine, care home fees over several years can soon eat up inheritance unfortunately. My husband's gran left all her money to her grandchildren bypassing her own children (after several years in an expensive care home). She had 4 children and 5 grandchildren. My husband's parent's had 3 children, whilst 1 of her children had none, the other 2 had 1 each. It left me uncomfortable to think that her own children got £0 so my husband messaged his mum who was executor of the will, but she simply said this is her will and her wishes. Her own children were all in their 50's and 60's and had done very well for themselves, none of them are remotely short. The youngest grandchild was only 21 while the rest were 30's.

I don't think my husband's aunty's and uncles saw it as my husband's family inheriting more, the grandchildren are all independent grown ups and 3 are married, so I'm not sure on your thinking there, I just felt uncomfortable as a dil inheriting with my husband when actual children got £0. There wasn't actually that much left in the end anyway, nothing remotely enough to pay for a wedding or house deposit, more just a small savings boost.

Yes - so parents are expected to pay twice, then - once by raising them lovingly with all the costs involved at that stage, and then again with their assets when they die? Where does that leave the children of elderly who have nothing to leave? Saying, ah, well you’ve nothing to leave me to make it worth my while, so I won’t bother with supporting you now? We know that IRL that doesn’t happen. Care is shared between generations because it is the right thing to do, because of love/relationships - NOT because there will be a financial dividend down the line.

Also what @QuintadosMalvados. For my dad it's about control and some sort of resentment about his own children. They actually have no money, only the house and will likely end up in care so we're not talking megabucks.

I don’t know why you aren’t happy for your own children to inherit and to top it off I’m not sure why you’d want them to have less just because you chose to have 3 children and not 2. The fair way to do it is to split equally if that’s what they’ve decided to do. Surely you haven’t brought them up to fritter away money? Start talking now about investments in property or high interest savings accounts etc and how big lump sums can make a huge difference in life. Or better still ask your ILs to write a letter on how they wish them to spend it (not binding but might make a difference) eg I’d like this to go towards your house deposit

So you see this as transactional? That the loving care offered to them in old age is only given as they looked after their children when they were under 18 (and when said children probably didn't have a great deal of say in the matter)?

And sometimes that care involves making sacrifices in order to give it. If those sacrifices reduce circumstances l don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that a parent would factor that in when making a will.

My nephew got his inheritance from grandad, around £50k.

He's 22. Hasn't touched it and is saving it for houses deposit.

Not all kids are raised irresponsible and will piss it up the wall.

But even if they do... So what? They're allowed to spend their own money however they want to.

The OP is pretending to be all magnanimous but is actually wanting the money herself.

My siblings and I are all in our 60's and our parents are still alive. My dad suggested doing this and it actually felt really hurtful. None of us have struggled but none of us have ever had spare cash and if we inherited something we would all be generous with our children whilst having a treat ourselves. He did see our point of view and we are the beneficiaries.

I’m betting not.

My MIL has done the same (willed her money to her 3 GC as opposed to 2 children).

DH (with 2 children) is annoyed about it, because he sees as his mother not valuing him. This, is tied up in long standing family relationships because he's always felt his brother was the preferred child, and now this seems like his mother prefers his grandchildren over him. (He knows logically that this is not the case, but inheritance is tied up with value and love to some degree).

BIL (1 child) is annoyed because he would have liked some of the money; and also annoyed at some level because DH has 2 children and he has 1 so DH is getting "more", even though he knows the 3 grandchildren are individual people.

Not sure that helps OP, but I think does reflect that feelings are complex and not easily explained.

YANBU. My parents are doing this and whilst I’m happy for my kids I just feel like it should have to come me and my brother and then for us to decide. My kids will inherit from me and DH. Sounds grabby and selfish I know but I just can’t get my head around why. I’d love to be able to pay mortgage off and perhaps retire a bit earlier. I could then help my own DC but my parents have decide that’s not how they want things. It’s their money I get it.

Not quite true if you don’t have much of a pension - you still have quite a few years before the grim reaper visits - or do older people lives matter less?

Also, who's going to be doing the hard grind if the grandparent needs care? The grandkids or the adult child?

So you see this as transactional? That the loving care offered to them is only given in anticipation of later payment? Rather than in acknowledgement of and in return for the care, love and sacrifice those parents made in the first 18+ years of their lives?

Gosh I think the words you are looking for is "Thank you"
It's one way of doing it. You are doing fine. If you manage to avoid it all going on care ( which is where we are with dmum), it will set 5 young people up and give them a start.
Maybe they think that dbils kids might not see any of it.

A person I know is doing the leaving to grandkids shit.
(This is NOT about me or my parents. Btw.)

There is no reason to do this. No taxes to be avoided. No deceased child so the money passed onto the grandchild.
Both would be reasonable things to do.

I really, really do think that this is sometimes indicative of narcissistic control.
And narcissism itself. Even if a person is f-ing average, pissing about with wills and not doing what is usual gives them a sense of importance.

Also, who's going to be doing the hard grind if the grandparent needs care?
The grandkids or the adult child?

I repeat: the skipping a generation thing does not personally affect me in any way shape or form.
I am merely offering my opinion.

If both sons have assets of their own over £325k (ie the threshold for IHT) and which is more likely to be the case with house values now, then it makes sense to skip a generation - otherwise IHT is paid when passing to sons and then again, on the same pot, when it is added to their estate and they die. Ie the grandchildren would get less out of that pot anyway. Substantially less. If it is left directly to DGC, they skip this second bite of the cherry scenario that the UK tax man gets to take.

And there is no reason why an even 5 way split isn’t fair - why should two grandchildren get 25% and the other 3 get 1/6th shares? That perspective is rooted in the idea that the parents are entitled to it. They are not.

Your ILs have been very sensible.

The kids all inherit the same amount.

So what if they *piss it up the wall". It's their money.

😂

They can leave it to whoever they want.

They can leave it to Bill at number 42.... Or the cat...or the King....

There's no "should" at all.

My dad left the GKs, nobody cared that my sister in law got 1/2 because she had two kids.

Honestly. People are so awful when it comes to money.

However if it does happen spread the money around for them and make sure it's invested properly into stock and shares then raise them being educated about money.
Show them how you budget give them bank accounts early encourage them to save most spend a little talk about capital etc then hopefully they won't waste it at 18

Of course it’s her business it effects her kids.