How should I raise classroom behaviour upsetting my reception age daughter?

We had similar through reception and yr 1, boy kept hitting dd, slapping her in the head, pulling her clothes and pushing her over in the playground. We tackled it every way- telling to dd to tell the teacher every time it happened, and explaining that this boy had additional needs and didn’t always understand the impact of what he was doing. This resulted in different seating in class etc.

it didn’t stop,and seemed to get worse, more frequent, so spoke to teacher again and an email to the year head to say it was now a safeguarding issue for dd and they need to do something more specific.

things seemed to calm down, went into year 2 and they mixed the classes so they weren’t together, a week in he found her in the playground and ‘smashed her head against the wall’. Straight to the head we went and I don’t know what they did but he just stopped.

he is SEN to what detail I don’t know.

its unfair. They are so young and violence is just a massive no, especially violence from boys to girls. Though I have a theory that SEN kids become a bit infatuated with certain kids and target them, I’ve seen it a few times.

keep Monitoring anyway and keep raising with the school. We do need our children to be resilient but the also have a right to access education safely.

If it keeps happening I'd complain again. Maybe CC the Head next time. It's not OK for your dd to be slapped and have him cover her head with his hoodie. They should remove his hoodie if he can't behave with it

That's just not realistic. The Head cannot "cure" the problems either. Poorly funded inclusion and the problems of society as a whole can't be fixed by one primary school.

Glad you got it sorted, to be honest it's up to the teacher to manage BUT it's up to everyone involved to communicate. I have a SEN child and the teachers are always appreciative of any heads up I give them on the morning as am I for anything they share.
But ultimately they have been flexible in giving him a carpet spot in a suitable place/keeping him at the front of the line/giving him reading time instead of time on the mat and much more.
But it's taken hard work and communication from the teacher, us, and my child too. Id hate for another parent to be withholding information from their child in case it caused a fuss!

Again, well done for raising it, you did a good thing for everyone involved.

The teacher will have to go to their union if the head does not take appropriate action. The child should take it to the teacher every time.

Yes, I agree - but the pp said to "put it on the teacher every time" I'm pointing out it's gone beyond what even the best teachers can really manage.

If the government is failing, the op's child is within her rights to make a very loud fuss every time.

This is unacceptable from school.

Email and say you are have been concerned by the level of physical contact so far.

Put in writing that you are not happy to tell your DD to ignore unwanted physical contact for obvious safeguarding reasons, and you think school needs to ensure it doesn't happen.

As a teacher I am furious on your behalf. It is becoming more and more common in schools now to hear the term ‘PDA profile’ bandied about (Pathological Demand Avoidance). And I bet that’s what’s going on here.. ‘he’s better when ignored’ ffs. PDA has become a catch all for when the ‘reflection’ and ‘restorative conversations’ don’t work, and consequences aren’t ever employed. And so these children without any boundaries get worse and worse, and consequently last about 5 minutes at secondary school. It’s like a social experiment that no parent has ever agreed to.
Complain every single time it happens @SMLSML , and keep a log.

Either go back to teacher to say you’re not satisfied and/or check the formal complaints policy and escalate up the hierarchy as described in their policy.

That was not the response I’d have given.

You do need to make more of a fuss, it's not acceptable for the school to just expect other children to put up with unwanted physical contact.

Of course it isn't the other child's fault, but you are inadvertently teaching your daughter that a) people (boys) can touch her even though she doesn't like it and has told them so b) adults won't do anything if she tells them about it

By doing what exactly? She can separate them - he will probably do the same to the next child. There won't be money to support him better and if his parents seek a diagnosis of something they will wait for years before it happens. Governments are failing children

Have her shout loudly to the teacher Make him stop, I don't like it.

Put it on the teacher every time. It's her responsibility to control the class.

Make a big deal about it op. It’s not your problem that he has SN. Make it clear that he is not to touch her again and tell your dd as well. Kids like these who are so problematic should be separated from those who just want to go to school and learn!

Never spare your child’s feelings for the sake of another, and ESPECIALLY when it’s a girl.

I have two kids with SEN - you have worded this very diplomatically and your concerns are fair

As the teacher what they are doing to safeguard your child.

Why have you not spoken to the teacher? Stand up for your child.

What sort of message are you sending your DD?

Teach her to stand up, put her arms out and say "NO, I don't like that". Loudly.

The only thing you explain to her is that you should have spoken to the teacher before and you will tomorrow and it’s not up to her to tolerate being hit, slapped, having anything put over her head or in any way touched without her express consent! Bloody hell, it doesn’t matter why he feels this acceptable, it’s not, and her right not to be touched or picked on supersedes his wishes to do any of that.

She’s extremely impressionable at this age. She needs to know now that she has a right to be treated with respect and that she doesn’t have to put up with boys doing things to her that make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe. She needs to know you’ve got her back and will advocate for her. How do you want her to expect to be treated by boys now and men later?

I am 57 and as a “good girl” was always put next to a disruptive boy when a lazy teacher wanted to try and influence the boy’s behaviour.

It didn’t. In fact it seemed to egg them on.

My mother, a gentle soul who literally sees good in anyone, simply would not stand for it and put her foot down every time.

My advice: be my mother

Absolutely raise to the teacher - your daughter shouldn’t have to be upset every day and they are also not supporting the boy to help him learn how best to interact with his peers.

It wasn’t to blame her, just a question! If she hasn’t mentioned it, or the OP, then obviously the OP needs to. If the OP’s daughter has mentioned it, then that’s a different conversation about why they have ignored her DD.

I would suggest that as well as mentioning it to the teacher, OP should tell her daughter to say to the teacher whenever it happens.

Talk to the teacher - request to move carpet spots. Wouldn’t mention SEN at all. State the facts - that will be sufficient.