Racism from a customer at work, am I over reacting? (TW - Racist language)

I can understand why this has upset you but I don't think age is especially relevant. My late grandparents were born in 1907 and 1911 and they were not racist at all. One of their children, my late uncle, had a best mate who was from the Caribbean and my uncle bought me a black doll when I was a small child. This bloke is just an ignorant pratt and I think your reply was perfect.

When you've been suppressing strong feelings for a long time, they do sometimes pop out when you don't expect them.

Obviously I cannot know, but I suspect you've got a lot of worry about your daughter growing up in this (intolerant and racist) world, maybe you've felt judgement for being in a "mixed race" (I hate that phrase, we're all human race?!) Relationship.

What he said was horrible, but your reaction tells you that there's things going on in how you feel that merit closer attention and care...

Oh I came across this in the supermarket at Easter. An older man approached me and said in a conspiratorial whisper “have you noticed that Easter eggs are no longer referred to as Easter eggs. We mustn’t offend our Asian friends must we by mentioning the word Easter?” I pointed out that some of the eggs had Easter egg written on the box plus we were in an aisle that had a huge sign saying “Easter” on it. Honestly, it’s tedious.

It sounds like bursting into tears is unusual for you for something that is in the scheme of racist stuff you must have come across in 50 years, relatively mild. So I think it might be worth exploring why you were so effected today. It may be because of the way racism seems to be becoming more visible again (I'm not sure if this is real or just that media are pushing that narrative, but either could affect the way you feel about the world and, in particular, the impact on your DGD) but it's quite possibly unrelated to this actual incident, other stress in your life might just have you more on edge and identifying that may help you generally.

With this incident - did you report it to managers at work? From October this year employers will be legally liable for racist harassment by customers unless they can show they took all reasonable steps to prevent it (Employment Rights Act 2025). Your workplace may already have a policy in place, but if not, reporting this incident and suggesting they create a policy so they are protecting their employees, and ready for the new law, might help in future situations and give you more standing to refuse to serve him.

Tourette’s basically pulls the most outrageous thing out of your brain.

OP I’m not surprised you’re upset but it is one of those things that will dissipate over a few days.

racists are everywhere in the uk, it’s a pandemic of them

As I said, my friend’s dad is 80 and physically fit and well. He toddles down to his village shop and bakery daily. Lord knows what he says when he’s there, but the staff in both are aware of his diagnosis and are always very kind to him.

Thank you. I didn't know this.

I don't know. As I said, genuinely curiosity.

Oh for God's sake. He is able to come to OP's place of work under his own steam. He has no carers. Occam's razor applies. He is most likely just a horrible racist.

If it’s frontotemporal dementia, a well known result is it causes people to say inappropriate things. These are often racist or sexist and in people that were not inclined to either beforehand.

My friend’s dad is nothing like the mild mannered, tolerant man he was a few years ago. He’d have been devastated to hear himself.

How does tourettes?

A lot of people do not understand frontotemporal dementia (FTD), and this is a common symptom of it, a bit like Tourettes.

It actually starts when people are younger, usually in their 50s, but by the time they hit their 80s this sort of inappropriate behaviour becomes unavoidable.

If that's what this man has then he has no control over it.

Was he also a racist? Which he managed to not blurt out before dementia?

Or a racist, they exist everywhere! It’s awful.

Genuinely curious. How does dementia cause racist viewpoints?

My neighbour started using the W word from his mid 80s after he was diagnosed with dementia (his granddaughter mentioned it to me out of embarrassment, and said he never said it to them before but it was widely used in society until about the 1970s).

That doesn't mean anyone working with him should be subjected to racist remarks.

I used to work in an environment where we looked after older people whose dementia had brought racist views out that they would have likely kept to themselves pre illness. If anyone didn't want to work with them, they didn't have to and were assigned to others (which doesn't mean that anyone who did work with them was racist btw, just that they felt able to ignore it in the interests of the wider service). Exactly as is happening here. You are not unreasonable to be so upset op. Of course it's awful.

This. Honestly, the excuses made and I’m not surprised by the vote whatsoever.

Considering what he said, I highly doubt he had a disability especially with his reaction to OP’s reply back.

Horrible thing to say, obviously. I don’t think I’d have cried over it, but I can see you’re particularly sensitive having a mixed-race child.

It did remind me of my friend’s dad. He’d say something like this, and worse. The thing is, he has a form of dementia called Pick’s disease. It’s caused profound disinhibition which in his case has resulted in him saying hugely inappropriate things he’d never have said in a million years before he contracted it. He’s 80, he appears hale and hearty so explaining away his racist, sexist, just plain rude comments is mortifying.

He may very likely just be racist.

I don't think you're over reacting op especially as you have a mixed race daughter.
I remember many years ago when I worked in Sainsbury's while a student and an older woman I worked with (and really liked up until that point) called a customer the N word, not to their face. The customer was an older woman and just doing her shopping.

Ive never forgotten the impact it had on me, it shattered any regard Id had for my colleague at that point. Unfortunately I was young and she was my supervisor so I didn't say anything, I definitely would now.

He may very likely have a disability like dementia. Not all disabilities are visible.

Yes but the OP can...so 🤷‍♂️

He is a racist POS and he should be banned. The vote on this is very disappointing. They walk amongst us.