Racism from a customer at work, am I over reacting? (TW - Racist language)

YANBU. That's disgusting!

I think in a lot of cases, what a lot of posters are trying to do is provide some comfort to the OP. Many of us do not respond/ react how we would wish all the time because we are completely caught off guard by sth that is unexpected and hideous. Certainly my response to my friend and to OP was in this spirit - that we can’t always have a perfect reaction/ response ready and to g easy on themselves for that. I don’t think it’s appeasing to put the blame for not being a perfect upstander where it belongs - with the person being racist/ sexist/ homophobic.
I’m someone who took a long time to learn I don’t have to meet every battle head on and toe to toe but even I’ve recently counselled a couple of people upset/ exhausted by the fight to choose their battles because at the moment it feels never ending. This isnt turning a blind eye and this isn’t don’t ever say anything back. But it is about protecting your energy.

What’s the question?

you had a good answer for him
as regards whether you serve him again, that is your call.
it was an awful thing to say,
perhaps you could quietly put him right if he speaks like that again?

You’re right. I forgot that MNHQ turns a blind eye, silly me!

Brilliant response

Oh no, what a horrible horrible man at least you know where you are with him. My mums husband and his "cronies" are extremely racist they preface what they say with "you can't say anything anymore^ I have very little contact with him, I don't understand it at all.

A friend of mine (white British) called me having been in a similar situation a few months ago. She’s very stoic, very straightforward and excellent with people.
She had a very similar exchange with an employee of a client of hers who was casually racist and she contacted me after because she was really upset. Mainly she was upset with herself because she was so taken aback and didn’t call him out. She didn’t agree with him either but her emotions were largely due to hw compromised and ashamed she felt. I’m wondering if that’s in part the source of your feelings. Particularly when one considers the state of public discourse around race in the UK right now.
i can generally have an argument in an empty room and am not shy of telling people if I think their stance is problematic but …the work/ customer thing complicates these things. It did for her and it did for you. Also, there is the consideration that - at 80+ - in terms of winning him over, he’s a lost cause. Your energy is better spent on younger people because you cannot take on every vile idiot - unfortunately.
Take away from this that you didn’t support or encourage his POV, and you DID dissent by saying how much you liked your multicultural location. He knew you were disagreeing. Maybe he had dementia, maybe he was a common or garden AH. Either way, you put him straight with grace. Hold your head up. X

Where we live has a high level of eastern Europeans and the racism is constant from the older generation if we banned everyone who said something it would be about 20% of the customers everyday. I just ignore them redirect the conversation and am grateful as the years go by less and less people have these views. Because I've never heard younger people say things like this its always 60plus so I live in hope the future will be quite different

And yet he had sufficient control to lower his voice when saying this to OP.

Odd that….

It’s MN. It’s to be expected!

Tourette’s?

So many racist apologists on this thread. I despair.

He is a racist , stop the excuses ffs
The fact that he spoke quietly to the OP indicates that he knew what he was saying was inappropriate
Vile man

We had a patient who stated he did not want to see a "dirty Muslim Arab" about one of our GPs. I asked the partners that he be removed immediately from our list.
" Oh give his another chance". "It's ok, he's Indian so it's not racism", "just give him a warning, he might complain of us being racist".

Eventually they felt the risk of a whistleblowing claim from a witness would allow them to remove him.

I would refuse to serve him and likely would have commented more strongly. I don’t think people should have to put up with racism at work.

Massive overreaction. He was unpleasant you gave a a good answer. Move on

Racism is racism. Disability or no disability.

You are not over reacting @PyongyangKipperbang . I think people who used to keep their racism to themselves have become emboldened to brag about it in recent years (since Brexit basically).

OP - did this man whisper his comments to you in a way that suggested he knew he was being racist and didn't want anyone else but you to hear?

I also have a mixed race daughter (I'm white) and could cheerfully stab anyone that uses racist language/ tells me they support Tommy Robinson. Age is NOT an excuse.

To all the apologists. ..he was aware he was being racist as he used an extra quiet voice. People with dementia wouldn't moderate their tone.

I had this in hospital...every wonderful nationality as carers and brilliant...one cleaner a Scot ..after being an inpatient for a while she whispered racism to me and I couldn't believe she would think I'd be complicit and told her so. It's pecking order, insecure need for superiority of course but still DEEPLY unpleasant and literally leads to mass murder via wars etc...so is a very upsetting ugly thing to experience OP 💐💐💐

"People of colour" is considered just as racist as "coloured people" by many BAME people (although BAME can also be problematic).

My neighbour has FTD and for most of the time it actually appears that his mind is working better than his body. You can literally be talking to him for 10 minutes (usually very loudly as his hearing has also gone) until he says something that's either gibberish or offensive.

Dad is 85 and would be equally appalled OP. He may have some form of cognitive decline but you can still (politely) call him out. I regularly used to say to my late MIL that it wasn’t acceptable to refer to the “colored” people. She wasn’t racist but she got confused with acceptable terminology. Explaining “people of colour” was better didn’t land. Your chap sounds awful.

This is the frustration of your “powerlessness” coming out.

How would you feel if your company had a policy of allowing you to respond to racist comments (even if they are not directly related to you) - because they are offensive. How would it feel if they had a phrase that is acceptable to use and then a process if this was ignored. Something generic that is always on the tip of your tongue - that’s going to de escalate the situation? Maybe something like:

Your language / words are deeply offensive and are not acceptable on our premises. If they are repeated you will be asked to leave.

Or a process where a colleague / supervisor does the above as understandably you would be in shock.

I don’t think we should ignore this insidious stuff and I think for you if you has this support structure you might feel that you were doing what you can to prevent your DD being abused directly another time. I don’t know why being a customer is carte blanche to be abusive - with words or actions. We have finally stopped the physical sexual assault of staff - it’s time to stop the verbal abuse also. Workplaces can’t be complicit in this and turn a blind eye to abuse / offense for profit.

Maybe speak to your company and ask their policy on how to handle. I don’t think this old guy shit is a get out of jail card - most? Lots of people his age behave themselves.