To believe the school over my dd?

She is continually causing low level disruption in class. She is old enough to know better. The message of this won’t be tolerated should be coming from home as well as school.

I hardly think teachers will be sending unnecessary emails in their own time. They have better things to do. The OP is right.

I’d take her phone yes. My DD had to deal with years of disrupted classes. You’re right to support the school. I only got into trouble in school once, but I was definitely punished at home too.

I'd definitely speak to her but don't take her phone and tv - the punishment is the detention and over-egging it at home can be counterproductive.

It's great that you're supportive of the school but that doesn't have to include punishment.

Sounds like my DD. It’s never ever her fault according to her. Unfortunately for her I work in the same school and have seen how she can behave with my own eyes! Like your DD it’s only low level stuff but it’s definitely started by her!! Always blames someone else though 🙄

I worked in a primary so they just missed some of their break but we did warn them in year 6 this would be a whole lot worse in secondary. I would have paid money to see their faces when they got a negative comment and enough of them to get a detention.

Well if she starts behaving in class then the teachers will see the turnaround in her and if she then complains it is happening they might believe her. This is literally the consequences of her actions.

It’s hard sometimes. My school once accused me of something that I hadn’t done (no one’s fault, it was an admin error) and my mum didn’t believe me. It was something that anyone who knew me would have known I’d never have done. It was laughable. It did damage my trust in my mum that she didn’t believe me and came down really hard on me over it.

However, in this case, your DD isn’t actually denying turning round and throwing the paper. So I’m not sure what exactly she’s saying she didn’t do - is it just a quibble about how many times she turned around.

She’s already been punished with detention

Just seen the messy room comment, sit on a chair at her open door whilst she cleans it. If this is part of the phone deal then sit over her. Do this every, single, day. Then she is only tidying a day's worth of stuff and keep saying don't put it down, put it away. It will take longer the first time but no time at all after that. She knows you are deadly serious and will not back down. Words are nothing without action from you. Daily tidying is a good thing.

I'd like to see you spend a few days in a high school classroom.

Most schools don't give detention unless the situation has escalated. They normally have to fail IER first amour school. I think more parents should enforce the punishment at home and then we may have better behaviour in school.

I have two teenagers and neither of them are angles but neither have they managed to ever get a detention at high school. They are actually quite easy to avoid.

Babies and toddlers have Witching Hour, some of the elderly have Sundowning.

Year 9 have The Summer Term.

You've given her the best advice possible. She's only got a few weeks left of the subjects she won't be doing again, keeping her head down, being as little trouble as possible to avoid unnecessary attention from staff and not making it miserable for staff and students alike will mean it passes far more easily than reacting to everything (and rewarding the pestilential with some entertainment).

So girls are supposed to just ignore boys throwing stuff at them? The teacher should be making sure that doesn't happen and if they're not then the OP's DD should be allowed to turn around and tell them to stop herself. If she did that several times and it didn't stop and wasn't stopped by the teacher then I'm not surprised she ended up throwing the paper back.

People say she should tell the teacher but I can't imagine a teenager putting up their hand and saying 'so and so is throwing paper at me'. They'd probably instantly become the least cool, biggest snitch and laughed at kid in school.

She already has a detention OP, I'd leave her to argue that with school if she thinks it was unfair or just do it - why would you punish her further though? School are already punishing her.

I'm always amazed that people think you can punish, punish, punish teenagers into good behaviour.

Listen to her. I had to deal with years of unfair treatment from a teacher who decided she didn’t like me who found a way to make everything my fault.

if a boy was giving me grief it was because I must have done something to deserve it. Even if I was just trying to keep my head down, it must have been because I annoyed the perpetrator just by existing.

She is being punished by school that is enough.

The conversation I would have with her is how do you think you should have handled it? Let her answer that. Then separately in a calm tone ask do you think your past behaviour of messing around in class may have bit you in the arse over this incident?

She should have told the teacher what was happening not retaliated. She is learning that she gets into trouble for her actions, it doesn't matter who started it, she made that choice and these are the key words to use, choice.

You only have to watch any of the Educating Essex/Manchester or any other one to realise how bloody annoying low level disruption is. Teaching is also dealing with behaviour management which is shit. Year 9 does cover some GCSE content in some schools, it did for my children.

What is your job? Can she relate her pissing around in class all the time to how disruptive you would find it if someone did it to you? I did it to my own children when they were in primary, they were setting the table for dinner and I kept moving the cutlery which at first was funny for them but then annoying as they kept having to redo it. I said that is how your teacher feels when you are chatting to your mates in year 2. They were all separated for year 3 and were annoyed about it, this made my child understand why.

Children are messy and if there is lots of homework I would prefer they did that.

My child would definitely be in trouble at home if she had misbehaved at school!

You're allowed to believe her but still say she has to do the punishment, it wasn't all her fault but that's life. Punishing her again is definitely over kill.

I’d perhaps ring the school to get more context on the situation, make sure all is as it seems. I try not to ever bad mouth the school tho as I think it erodes respect for the teachers. I picked the school because I liked the feel of it and don’t beleive the teachers would unfairly discipline my child.

All of the above

If someone was throwing things at her, she should have told the teacher. She chose to engage and throw things back so got a detention. Or she has made it up and it was her that was causing the disruption. Either way, she has done wrong. The only question is whether the boy also got in trouble for throwing paper, if that bit was true.

Whether it was her fault or not, why are you punishing her at home when she's already been punished at school?

And you've given her 2 punishments so she's actually had 3 including the detention.

That's overkill. Unless it was deathly serious, I would never punish my DC if the school had already done so, although they'd get a very stern talking to.

One thing I always said to parents when I was a teacher is not to punish children twice. If the child had a sanction at school, that's enough, there's no need to punish them at home.

Low level disruption disturbs everyone's learning. My assumption would be that this was a last straw situation - your DD has been consistently poorly behaved and this was an attempt to correct that. If you interfere you'll send the message that she has every right to mess about in class.