To cancel the sleepover?

Ok that's good. Hopefully it'll improve. But it sounds like she's using excuses to not attend school.

It does make it clearer why so many parents and children are NC on Mumsnet.

My god, no wonder teenage girls struggle if the comments on this thread are representative of how their are parented!

She’s not well, for several reasons, including likely endometriosis. Yet you tried to bribe her to go to school?? If that was the workplace you’d be in front of an employment tribunal for discrimination.

Her hormones are likely all over the place, she is probably incredibly worried about her health and all she gets is you cancelling the little treat she was looking forward to?

I imagine missing so much school is potentially making friendships a bit harder to maintain, so I would not be messing with that for no reason.

Give her a hug and apologise for minimising her health issues, let her have her sleep over and support her in sorting everything out without putting so much pressure on her to perform when she’s unwell

I’d cancel because of the bitch language alone.

Stick to your guns on the missed school day, there are hundreds of thousand of women having heavy, painful periods everyday and she must learn to have some resilience, whilst the cause of hers is investigated.

i wouldn’t reward this behavior for missing school, or/and the language, with an sleepover.

Talk about overkill. No sleepover no phone grounding no pocket money. Is this for real!!!

I’d cancel just to show this little madam that she cannot manipulate you like this

She is being investigated by a specialist

This

Also my only wobble here, was due to family suggesting cancelling the sleepover would be unfair as she can’t control having come on her period and the pain she’s in

I'm sorry, but when did starting your period and needing painkillers allow you to call your mother a bitch?

Yeah you cancel. Unfortunately it's not acceptable to just not attend school/college/work every time you have your period. Unless you're trying to get it investigated by a specialist and there's something that needs looking at. But it shouldn't be an excuse not to do your responsibilities. Unless there's an actual medical reason.

If you've never suffered from painful periods its really unfair to just tell people to get on with it etc. The ones I used to have were like labour contractions. And it sounds like she has some other crappy health things to deal with.

Anyway, I would have been totally sympathetic to that, until she called you a bitch. I'd cancel it for that entire reason. I wouldn't have dared said that to mum and Id be horrified if my kids thought that was in any way acceptable.

and said that if I cancel the sleepover because of her period, I’m a bitch.

And what was her punishment for this?

She is a brat and she’s getting away with it. Time to stand ur ground.

Yup.

Be a bitch and cancel.

I just want to point out one thing as a fellow endo sufferer...It is not JUST heavy period.... it is heavy, painful and affects the whole body. It can be completely debilitating.
That doesn't excuse her calling you a bitch but again, being in pain doesn't always make you rational.
And actually in some cases endometriosis falls under the disabilities act so yes, an employer would have to care

Serious question but how would you "horse" your child out the door? How can you physically make a 15 year old get up and go to school.

For me, it's depends on her approach when she wakes up. She shouldn't have called you a bitch, but ee all say things in the heat of the moment- especially when you include pain, embarrassment, heakth anxiety type behaviours. For me, the follow up is what counts.

I think your plan of revisiting the school plan and trying to develop her resilience is understandable. I think if she can have a mature conversation when she wakes up would make the decision for me whether the sleepover goes ahead.

Yes, we were all made to suffer school through our periods. Doesn't make it okay. She's going through a lot so support (which you are doing), open conversation and steps in rhe right direction is what I would reward.

Did she call you a bitch though, or did she say if you cancelled you sleepover you would be being a bitch?

I think it is an important distinction. One is her being incredibly rude and I would cancel the sleepover, the other is rude but it’s really not the same. Only you know the context. There is a big difference between telling a person not to act like a bitch, than telling him they are one for example.

anyway if her absence from school is all genuine, and you know that her periods are an issue, as someone who has suffered immensely in the past with their periods and pain, I would say that this should be treated as a genuine issue too and cancelling would be unfair. If she is just refusing to go and it isn’t a real issue or she has attendance issues that aren’t related to real illnesses then you should cancel.

I think it comes down to whether or not the punishment fits the crime…did she do something wrong, or did she act a bit poorly…is she skipping, or genuinely unwell? If it is the latter in those scenarios then I would let her have it, if it is the former then I would cancel.

only you know whether she deserves to be punished though, and don’t let anyone else tell you whether you are being to harsh, unless you are being radically different to others and it is negatively impacting your daughter’s wellbeing then it is none of their business

No school no sleepover. Her choice.

Ah a lovely dripfeed.

The actual agreement was a bit crazy then in the first place? It's not like she's skipping school because she can't be arsed, she is missing school because she is very poorly... so to make an agreement on the basis she goes to school everyday (which isn't always in her control) is absolutely extreme IMO.

It worries me though that you don't have an issue with her calling you a bitch though...

Jesus H Christ

she's clearly not well (in general) she's not bunking off to drink down the park. Her lie attendance would be the least of my worries.

all those women saying they went to school with their periods (me too) aren't her & were unlikely to have been having investigations into their periods.

schools are not a good place to be dealing with heavy periods, you can't just go quickly to the bathroom & you can't sit comfortably or lie down.

poor kid hasn't asked to be unwell & have massively heavy periods. She's not just bunking off school.

i don't agree with her calling you a bitch, but I do actually agree with her feelings about it. You're not being fair.

This poor lass is struggling with her health.
Maybe you need to tell her how you sympathise with her over all this. Tell her the sleepover can go ahead if she apologises for calling you a bitch.
Is she getting all possible input for her medical and pain problems.... they are a huge blight on her young life.

😳she called you a bitch?!

Given your update it Sounds like her absences are due to illness so putting in that rule was harsh. But my previous point still stands about her calling you names.