AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

Yanbu. We have more space yet it still hasn't been easy living with DD and her long term partner, he is no bother and they are house trained but it's still another person using the loo, shower, wanting to watch tv etc and sometimes they want to cook their own meal. Ds2 is also still here, so there are five adults (not to mention his girlfriend stays over sometimes) with different work schedules and needing to use the facilities.

They want to move out but they are in some debt (through no fault of their own) and it's quicker without pay astronomical rents.n

A quick Internet advises you require a garage to meet building regs including damp.proofing etc and likely planning permission as previous posters have said.

You can't simply just sleep in a garage unconverted - otherwise I'm sure government's of all political persuasions would have considered this as a cheap solution for the housing crisis.

There is no guarantee they will get a job, any job. Even shelf stacking is hard to get.

At best IF they have both already found new jobs would be to look after their pets while they lived in a house share elsewhere but only if they reduced their house possessions massively to save on storage costs.

It's a big fat no from me.

First post nails it

When they called to say they were planning on doing it did you say no? I really think you are going to have to say no now.
I can’t see how old they are but once they are in it would be very difficult to get them to leave- why would they with free run of the place for 50 quid a week with limitless showers, fully stocked fridge and freezer etc

I would not be giving up a secure job right now - particularly if they’ve been employed more than 2 years with their employers. I’d find the prospect of this incredibly difficult but I’d also feel really guilty saying no
so I have sympathies OP. It just sounds crowded and uncomfortable for everyone. Are they in a position to take a lodger where they are or move in to a multi occupancy house and maybe lodge their pets somewhere temporarily?

I’m pretty sure in most areas you need permission from the council to turn a garage into living space

Definitely not. They are both being bossy. I can't imagine living with 2 people who behave like that. Say no, and mean it.

What did i just read?
No
No
No

How old are they?

I'd have vastly different opinions on if they were 19 vs 39.

This is a problem for you and no one else. This is your son trying to run over what you, his mum, wants.

You need to grow your parenting backbone and say no.

He has insulted you by assuming you are on this earth to do his bidding. Your DH is right. I am sure he will help you but you must parent your son.

The jobs market is incredibly difficult at present - thanks to interfering politicians! They’d be mad to give up “good jobs” in this climate…they need to economise in other ways.
Are you in a position to give them a deposit? That might be a way of heading them off, assuming you’re in a comfortable financial position yourselves. If your not, the £50 a week is no where near enough. My teen could eat that much in a few hours given the opportunity!

I'd tell him not to quit their jobs. Unemployment is high ATM so no guarantee that could find new jobs paying as much quickly. My niece got made redundant and she has a first class honours degree and all her finance qualifications with 12 years experience with a glowing reference and it still took her almost 4 months to get another job paying as much and she has to travel further to get to work. Tell him you and DH have to sleep in separate rooms for medical reasons and don't have enough room. You don't want pets in your house. You and DH like a quiet house. Suggest it's good they want to save for deposit and to both open up a Lisa and put maximum in each month. Maybe offer to help with deposit or pay solicitors fees when they buy a house. Suggest they sell off a load of their stuff and then rent a room each in a shared house which generally includes all bills except food.

It's very rude of them to make this assumption and tell you it's happening, rather than raising it as an idea and discussing it with you. It's right that you have the conversation as he's your son, but it would be nice if your DH was there just for moral support.

Explain to your DS that you've given it consideration but it would be too intrusive and you couldn't make it work. They need to look at other ideas, such as renting a smaller, less expensive place while they save. Do you and DH have any way of gifting them a contribution towards their deposit?

With regards to the garage, if it hasn't been properly converted into a bedroom then I think you'd need to check if it was even permissible, as it would need to abide by the building regulations that ensure the structure is suitable as a living space.

5 days ago there was a BBC news article about living with parents and being able to save for a house deposit. Maybe they read that and thought it was a great idea but forgot they need your permission to move back home.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ce3578g32d0o

If this isn't going to work then you need to tell them asap before they quit their jobs. Maybe they could move into her parents' house or even downsize where they are, pay less rent, save more.

Are they the sort of couple who can save or are they spenders?

I can't believe they just decided they were moving into YOUR property?! 🤯

Absolutely do NOT agree to this OP. My MIL is considering moving out of her rental to get away from BIL and his GF because they are making absolutely no effort to look for a property to rent of their own. She is too soft to tell them to move out, drives me crazy.

No way. Say no. Your house clearly doesn’t have room for this setup, it’s impractical and selfish of them to spring it on you, which bodes very badly for how it would be to live together.

This is your home and and they ask, not tell you. How dare they! Tell them absolutely no way. Cheeky fuckers!

What are they smoking? The answer is a hard NO!

💯 Nope

A) They are CF
B) £50 is piss poor for 2 people and pets
C) they'll be jobless... terrible idea
D) Where will all their crap go?
E) your peace will be be gone... very different if you had space and offered them a room for a short period of time, but the fact they are cheeky enough to tell you this is happening means they are cheeky enough to overstay
F) Why can't they stay with her family.if they are so excited
G) They need to stand in their own 2 feet... work overtime, live in a cheaper house share, sell some assets. Not rely on you and your DH to fund them.
H) They are still CF

He’s asking too much and he hasn’t thought it through. I sympathise with him, it sounds like he’s tired of fully adulting, but no, just no.

If you want to soften the blow are there other ways you can help him?

There’s no room, it’s impractical and they’ll have to find another way.

I can't believe the cheek of them. And they're already planning visitors?! Absolutely hell no. They've shot themselves in the foot because they have shown they clearly aren't suited to it given they don't give a shit about your feelings or comfort.

I would be asking them why they didn't check it was all first to start with

If you feel inclined, and have some extra space, I would give them a firm time limit with rules . They would need to cover their share of the bills, plus do their own shopping/ cooking/ laundry.

But yeah, they are being presumptuous