AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

They haven’t thought this through at all.

My son and his girlfriend moved back with us after buying a property for new jobs (and girlfriend at university). It wasn’t working so they “briefly” moved back with us. They had lived with us before for a few months and we had plenty of room for them to do so, two rooms of their own.

It cost them dearly in storage fees, and it disrupted our relationship with them on the second return when they were unable to find another property, girlfriend was out of work and then Covid hit, so added to the house hunting delay and tension.

My son already had the financial situation to buy and it wasn’t working for them, so I don’t see how your situation would ever work.
They can’t live in the garage either, my BIL let his son try that after the divorce and the council had a tip off from someone (actually think it was the bin men) and he was forced to apply for planning permission to convert the garage to living accommodation and was charged more council taxes, then the expense of returning it to a garage on the sale of the property later.

You are going to have to be cruel to be kind.

I wouldn't be feeling bad, or sad, I'd be feeling bloody angry, that they've unilaterally decided this, and acted upon it, feeling safe in the knowledge that you will lovingly buckle. No bloody way. As far as I would be concerned, they actively created this mess, on purpose, and they would be sorting it out themselves. From somewhere that was not my home.

Absolutely not . Who does he think he is putting on you both like that . Cheek of him .

As all others have said, please say no! This will disrupt your life, you don't have space (and of course it isn't okay for have anybody living in your garage!), cost you financially and this isn't your responsibility!

I remember years ago I decided I was going to use my dad's car, as he wasn't using it for a few months (working away abroad) and mine had just broken. I was genuinely shocked as to why that wouldn't be ok when I asked and got told no. I hadn't thought about the implications, cost of MOT/servicing, what if something went wrong with it, etc. I was disappointed at the time but quickly understood it wasn't for my parents to resolve my car issues! I know this is quite different but please say no, you won't regret it!

Just say no sorry but it won’t work for you. They can move into her parents if they must.

They don't get to tell you that this is happening, cheeky bastards. Say no and mean it.

Oh and people can only railroad you if you don’t speak up and say no.

For me the conversation would be "we love you very much and wish we could help but we arent able to have you, gf and pets living with us. I know it will take longer but you will have to save while renting."

Hell no! End of discussion. Cheeky sods, I’m incensed on your behalf.

It’s the “telling you” theyll be paying £50 a week which is the real CFery here.Thats up to you not them, as is whether they move into your own home. £50 will barely cover the electricity and water they use, then I doubt there’s a full kitchen in that garage so they’ll be rinsing your food as well.

Nope. I would let ds move in if he was stuck, gf can go to her family. And this would be if he fell on hard times not a deliberate choice to leave work. And in that case I would expect to offer not be told that is what is happening.

That's crazy! Did you not laugh when he suggested it? Mine wouldn't even contemplate asking to move home as they would know the answer would be a hard no. It sounds like they are fed up of adulting and want to hand over all responsibility to you. Better to say no now and there possibly be hard feelings than have them move in and realtionships get wrecked.

Just say no.

Is your garage converted into a living space? If not, they can’t really live there, and where is all your garage space going to go?

Maybe store their stuff in the garage, and they can get a bedsit. Look at spare rooms.com, if they want to reduce their outgoings. They still have their independence, and they’re not living with you.

Storage can cost £50 per week, so they would be spending £200 a month on storage.

Whats the job market like in your area? Jobs aren’t easy to come by. I’d not give up secure jobs at the moment.

Obviously, you say no.
Very immature of them to even consider it without talking to you first.

Agree with all the posters saying no and that they are taking massive liberties here. Don’t feel guilty for a minute longer as their request is completely unreasonable.

if GF has such a big supportive family I’m sure they can move in with them.

Another person saying just say no..

OH FFS Op. Just pick up the phone and tell your son that you do not agree to their plan and under no circumstances can they move in with you. Be firm, be polite, but tell him that you do not condone them giving up their jobs under any circumstances and you will not support them if they do. Don't get into discussing their plans, trying to help them see their way through this. Just tell them they are being completely irresponsible, but if that's what they do they can leave you out of it. Don't even consider enabling or supporting them in this, they are adults, let them go their own way.

Arm yourself with numbers. How much will they have to pay to make the garage livable, then storage costs. Do they also have 3 months of living expenses saved while they job hunt? Offer to go through their finances with them so that you can all plan together.

All of the above, plus: living in close proximity to someone to whom you are (effectively) lending money, you will be witness to all their everyday spending activity. They are unlikely to live frugally (takeaway coffees, everyday little spends, new clothes they want rather than need) and you will resent it. Don’t let it happen.

Just say “No - that doesn’t work for us.”

Do not justify, argue, defend or explain (JADE) as that gives reasons to prolong and discuss - just rinse and repeat the above no matter how many times they say ‘Why?’ or plead / beg - Get it done ASAP. Look at it like going out in a storm - get layered up, see it through but it will pass.

Get it done.

Absolutely not. They've got their own lives now and it's really disrespectful to impinge on yours! "That doesn't work for us" is needed. You're not a bad person, there is a limit to what you can do for your grown up kids!

Just say no!
Why can’t they move to a smaller property near you or a cheaper area?

They're idiots. Tell them to rethink their plans and thank them for eventually consulting you on their marvellous idea. They're adults. They can sort their own mess. What a pair of ignorant twats.

Mine came back from Australia and we got railroaded into letting him and his gf stay, it was hell on earth, do not cave in.

Tell him you and DH have to sleep in separate rooms for medical reasons and don't have enough room. You don't want pets in your house. You and DH like a quiet house.

Or as MN is so find of saying, 'No' is a complete sentence. No need to justify it.

They have a bloody cheek.

How much have they saved already? What has their lifestyle been? Are they frugal, or have they been splashing the cash around on holidays and going out? A house full of stuff and pets doesn't sound like they've been partly careful with money.

But the answer is still no. Just no. And don't link it to offering to help them with a deposit. That comes, if it comes, when they can show they've made progress towards saving themselves.