AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

You need to get this sorted before they land on your doorstep one day with their suitcases and pets. Tell them now so it doesn’t come up again.
Just to make myself clear. You will not be moving in with us. We can’t accommodate you living here. Please get that idea out of your head as it will not be happening.
You will rue the day you ever let them move in if you allow it and perhaps ruin your marriage in the process.

My cousin and his wife lived with my granny for a period of time before they bought a property. She did have a spare room for them but very quickly the whole situation became unpleasant. They agreed to pay half the household costs and granny would carefully calculate everything to a penny and give them an invoice at the end of the month. My cousin's wife was rounding everything down to the nearest fiver. I know it seems petty but it shows complete lack of respect for a pensioner who helped them out when in need. I never looked at the wife the same way again after this.
But if they were CF enough to just offer £50 a month, I'd tell them to fuck off myself.

I'd be telling them "it's easier to get a job when you've got a job". More to this than meets the eye @OneFunnyPearlTurtle.

If they are in deep schtuck I'd say room for one and gf has to go to her family. Guessing this wouldn't have been suggested in October as I don't imagine the gge has heating.

Practically what happens about kitchen facilities, the bathroom, etc.?

Apart from the fact they are cf. You don't have the room. Simply tell them no.

Yeah DB and wife moved in with my parents for 6 weeks mid house purchase.

18 months later...

Meanwhile in the real world....
This has cfery in 3 metre high neon lights.
If it would be bad enough them doing this then to have her 'dodgy' family rocking up. You'll never get rid of them OP. It'll be the garage then into your home for the evening, kitchen cooking food, the weather is getting cooler /cold can't sleep in the garage, you've got 2 bedrooms.. That can fuck right off on so many levels.

See I wouldn't do that. I'd assume that they had a problem that they needed help with, and would want to help them work it through to see what their options actually were. Could I store most of their stuff whilst they get a houseshare to lower rent etc. Just because I couldn't help in the way they wanted wouldnt mean I didn't want to help.

If you aren't using your garage currently and it's clean dry and secure, you could perhaps offer them to store some of their stuff so they can downsize/swap into a houseshare to reduce their rent. Only if you can accommodate it for s few years though!

As for them "announcing" they are moving in? And giving up their jobs (wtf???): "Don't be silly darling, you know we haven't got room. I think you and Jenny need to think this through properly."

I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already suggested this but is this some kind of bluff on their part? They tell you that they want to move in and completely disrupt your lives in the hope that you will turn it around and just give them money for a house deposit rather than deal with the disruption?
Just a thought. @OneFunnyPearlTurtle

I would say no. And that would be it

Your husband doesn't get to abdicate responsibility in this, you both need to be united in saying "Don't be so daft!". Why does your husband think it's YOUR job?

Wow like PPs I’m flabbergasted at the entitlement of deciding this without asking you, and the £50 is the cherry on top! WHAT? I thought my 16-yo was inconsiderate for hogging the bathroom and not doing her chores, but even she would know you have to ASK someone if you can move in!

I could understand it slightly more if you were loaded and lived in a mansion, but even then it’s not something you can assume you have a right to. Especially when they have a home and jobs, it’s not as if they’re suddenly in an unexpected mess.

I’d be telling him oh what a coincidence, we were planning to move and downsize and stay with you for a few month/years. See if he thinks that’s reasonable.

if they’re prepared to live in a garage maybe they could get a motorhome or canal boat? Or live-in jobs that come with accommodation?

Told YOU they were moving in ?
"Must admit that's funny a joke son. Is it april 1st already?"

Did you intend to raise such an arrogant, rude young man?

This sounds bizarre. Lots of people have similar arrangements, but it’s the parents that suggest it (because they are happy about such a scenario) not the adult child. And generally they don’t pack in their jobs and have a load of pets/furniture to store. £50 would probably barely cover food.

So what did you say to him in this unlikely conversation?

What you mean that the in laws can’t wait so would be round all the time?

Ooh this makes more sense!

It really is so crazy that there's got to be something else behind it. Or at least you'd almost hope so.
🦇 💩 Otherwise!

My first thought was undisclosed financial problems, but with the paying for storage now I'm thinking not.

Would that make a difference to your joint decision with your husband?

Would it help to frame this as your son and his partner's proposal, and talk to him about it in those terms?

I voted no - you are not unreasonable to say no, he's an adult.

I would just send a message back saying you’ve missed April’s fools day 😂

if / when he comes back saying he’s serious be firm with a no, how can they live in the garage he knows you won’t let them do that and will push you into sharing rooms with your partner again. Where will they “live “ entertain these visitors cook wash etc all on £50 with no end in sight.

its a disaster waiting to happen.

unless it’s a way of getting you to offer a deposit? Can you / would you do this, and think very carefully before you do, just offer a sum you can afford and insist it’s a one off, and don’t give it to them until they actually need it for the deposit

This is such an insane idea for so many reasons, it most of all because they didn't even ASK you, just TOLD you it's happening!

Is be surprised if this is the full story, it's so extreme it doesn't make sense.

Are they in debt? Gambling? Already been fired?

It's very weird.

Definitely tell them no, they are making themselves jobless and homeless for no food reasons so you have nothing to feel guilty for.

No no no I did this had D son in law live with me for a year to save they cluttered up the place cooked left washing up never cleaned bathroom it was a nightmare honestly never again I had to ask them to find a place to live and they rented a place and saved surely the rent on storage and the laughable £50 a week they should save and add to for a deposit say your health and hubbys health would be affected by two more adults in the home as they would be in the house and just sleep in garage for your sanity say sorry but NO

It’s great you’re thinking about the shape of your lives and planning, but you need to find another solution as this one doesn’t work for us, and the shape of OUR lives.

How come her family know about it enough to be planning visits and you don’t. They are CFs.

If it doesn’t work for you then you’ll need to sit down and have a talk with them.

I have offered my ds and his gf to come back here and save as it works for me, but I appreciate that’s not the case for everyone. And the big difference being I offered, they didn’t presume.

"That's not your decision to make. Your dad and I don't agree to it. You can't move in here."

@OneFunnyPearlTurtle how old are they and have they been together long?