AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

Snap!

That is a big ask and quite different to if they had some misfortune and lost jobs, got ill, etc. Is your garage even suitable for living in? Your local authority might not approve and your neighbours could complain.
If you want to suggest a way to help you could offer to store some of their belongings in your garage so that they can move somewhere smaller and cheaper to save more.

Is your garage entirely empty? If not, where is he suggesting you put your stuff?

I would tell them the garage isn't suitable for people to live in and you don't have a spare bedroom so unfortunately they can't live with you. If there is some space in the garage that you could offer for them to store some of their stuff then I might do that, enabling them to live in a house share or similar without having to pay for storage

This is her son, not a neighbour or friend. Sitting down and explaining is perfectly ok in this instance. An emphatic No! without any further clarification is not a good way to have a happy relationship with your kids.

Are you this abrupt with your own kids?

Please DON’T say, I meant!!

You need to get them round and have a proper conversation about this. Your DH needs to be a part of it too, he's certainly not unreasonable to refuse to go along with this cheeky fuckery, but if he wants you to say 'no' he should be there to support and back you in doing so. You're supposed to be a partnership and this affects both of you.

Firstly, I would ask them what has prompted this and whether they are in trouble financially. Have they got themselves into debt? Has one of them already quit or lost their job? Are they in rent arrears? It seems such a half-baked, poorly thought out plan that I can't help but wonder if there's more to it. That could just be me being cynical though!

Once you've established there's nothing more troubling behind this, tell them that you think it's admirable they want to save for their own home but you're worried they haven't thought this through. One half of a couple quitting their job with no job to go to is a risky move, both of them doing this at the same time is just reckless. I would also tell them that you're surprised and a little hurt that they didn't even think to ask you how you felt about them moving into your home along with all their pets, and have even told GF's family before discussing it with you! Assuming your DS and his GF are aware of yours and DH's health issues, I would also express surprise that they haven't taken this into consideration. They don't seem to have considered the impact on you at all. Explain that you love them and want to help, but what they are asking (or in fact, assuming) is too much. Tell them that rather than saving money on rent but paying out for storage, they are welcome to store their stuff in your garage at no cost so they can rent a smaller place/a room in a shared house to save money.
In your shoes, I would probably offer to give them some money towards a deposit but obviously you may not be in a position to do that, and you're certainly under no obligation to.

I think you're going to have to prepare yourself for a difficult conversation. If your DS and his GF are they type to assume they can move into your home without even asking then you're probably going to have to be very firm.

"That doesn't work for me" on repeat

No to moving in in any shape or form. If they keep their jobs and move into a much smaller and cheaper place, I’d offer to store their crap if you have space in your garage and obviously watertight. Not in the house or attic or any corner they think is fine.

All of mine boomeranged between flatshares, but never gave up work. They stored stuff here that’s still here ten years later, and I still have to remind them to take things from my garage.

‘No’ is a complete sentence, and all you need for those CFs.

I see quite a few threads on here which begin with something along the lines of the OP has been told (sometimes asked) that a family member is going to do something outrageous that will affect the OP's life significantly and are they being unreasonable not to want it.

In each case, they seem to have said nothing at all in response to the statement or request. Does thet really happen? Son: "GF and I are moving in with you so we can save for a deposit and we're giving up our jobs. Pets are coming too." OP: Silence.

What did you say in response, OP?

With CF types, their great plans and ideas are ALWAYS at the expense of others.🙄🤣

Wow such entitlement

Assuming you are an adult as you have adult children, suggest you get your grown up self to tell them no.

Tell them to sell their possessions and move into
a house share where they share a room.

Alternatively tell them go to her family.

A bit unbelievable OP.
What have you raised?!

Just looked it up, living in an unadapted garage is illegal so by allowing it OP would be breaking the law so several levels.
H needs to put his foot down, man up and back up his wife.

Is it a fancy garage, with toilet, washing machine, couch, bedroom , room for pets, visitors? Or £50 for half of your house, joys of pet sitting, visitors , use of all facilities, back door opening during night to go to toilet?

It all sounds great to them but realistically it won’t work, you would have to get planning permission to change your garage into a bedsit in order to rent out to them. Where would you store all your items in the garage at the moment? It wouldn’t be big enough for visitors so not only would they come into your home to bathe and cook meals they would be hosting visitors in your house.

Oh and I especially wouldn’t want them moving I whilst they don’t have jobs! Around the place all day, and with far less prospect of ever moving out.

On the basis of the spectacular entitlement of what you have written, absolutely no way would I consider this.

Get back to them quickly, express your initial shock at the suggestion, and upon reflection you realise this would not work at all and is not possible. No apology.

He really is spectacularly entitled to think that any reasonable parent would want this in anything other that a crisis situation.... like a house burning down.

Certainly not an open ended situation that inconveniences you as they ditch their jobs.

Your son is a CF and breathtakingly entitled.

Tell him absolutely not and don't be apologetic about it either.

Who on earth does he think he is?
Be glad you don't have a spare bedroom!

Absolutely not! You need to tell them immediately that this is no go. The £50 “token” rent to maximise saving is frankly insulting. And the family who “can’t wait” - let them house them then!

Abandoning their current jobs is frankly absurd. They should be leaning in to their current jobs and trying to get promoted if they need more money.

i think this early poster has a good suggestion:

It's great that you want to save for a house. Leaving your jobs is not the way to do it. You won't be able to move in with us. We haven't got enough room.
Perhaps start by selling as much of your stuff as you can and move into somewhere smaller and cheaper like a house share and see how you get on.

Paying rent to store their belongings rather than for themselves/ anything decent in their proposal to you is also ridiculous.

I'd help my child if it meant getting them out of renting and buying their own place. They've said they'll stay in the garage. I assume they'll need to come in to use the bathroom and kitchen? How long are we talking? A year?

I moved home to my mother's when I was 27-29, paid bills and only a nominal rent, and managed to save for my deposit. I kept my job and had a long commute but I was desperate to save money and this was the best way. I helped my mother run the home too. If I hadn't had that chance, I'd never have managed to buy a home. I accept it was just me, no partner or pets, and that makes a huge difference to your situation.

I'd tell my child that they are welcome to stay, the gf has to stay with her family though. And no pets.

If it makes it work better so you know it won't be forever, you can say he pays you x amount, you save x% of it and return it to him as part of his deposit, if he is out on xdate (a year or two or whatever is agreed a good end date for him to have saved enough for a deposit).

Even if it's a garage on your property it would probably be illegal to live in it unless it is a properly adapted to reside in. due to health and safety reasons, fire risk etc. Even if this is the case it might affect council tax bill.
Those who think it's okay do you seriously think that living in a garage with pets is a good idea and how many of you would allow it irl?
It's all too easy to say for my child I would live in a cardboard box, so they could have full run of my house. Then potentially take it over to the point I have to throw /evict them but in reality, I don't believe many would do this.

Omg I couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. What is your ds thinking? You are going to need to react to this and fast with a firm no.

Please say ‘This doesn’t work for us’ - it’s a meaningless MN quote.

Just say very firmly, ‘Sorry, it’s out of the question - we simply don’t have room.’

Cheeky buggers. They can move in with girlfriends parents if they will have them and accept their demands. Unbelievable how they think they can disrupt your lifestyle and dictate what they will do in your home