Two colleagues are carrying on and affair and it's really unpleasant for everyone else in the department

I searched her previous threads, they seem like perfectly normal ones.

Which one are you referring to @Blimms ?

Theres no way the senior management dont know about this. Id also suggest noise cancelling headphone 4u.

We had this and it came to light during 180° reporting. She went; he stayed, but got a total bollocking from his Dad (not a family business but also quite like a family business). He's now CEO and hasn't dipped his nib in the office inkpot since as far as I know.
Definitely get everyone to complain to HR or even just to the big boss. It's intolerable otherwise.

This really made me giggle 😅.

The sensible part of me says to address this in writing with HR and your boss' boss.

The drama loving part of me says to start writing your notes to him on heart shaped post it notes and slowly and seductively eat your morning banana in front of him with lots of intense eye contact.

The other women in the office are all scared to talk to him alone because she will act as though we are trying to "steal" him (oh God it's so so embarrassing).

I would have to play on this!!

The most attractive woman in there needs to start flirting with him or having private meetings regularly.

She cannot attend these meetings and that would drive her mad.
She’ll then end up doing something like telling the wife.

I would be having so much fun winding her up.
I’d put make up on or fix my hair in front of her before going in to see him and come out grinning.

He’s having to jump at her every whim because he’s senior to her which looks bad and he’s married.
He must be so annoyed with himself for getting involved with such a crazy one - serves him right.

Formal complaints can create years of drama. I started a job where the aftermath of a complaint was still playing out 10 years on. People don't forgive and forget even if the complaint was completely justified. It isn't worth it for something like this.

Even if only a few weeks, I don't think the OP should have to put up with the behaviour witnessed.

I worked somewhere where an affair was going on, but in no way did it affect the workplace one bit. At least in that case they went on to marry each other.

I agree with this. It is very unlikely to last.

The affair i mentioned earlier - with them all being in the same place then came to light - ended up in a punch up in a club and the wife leaving for a rival place - that was unpleasant I think.

I’m not sure re telling the wife but would hate to be the unknowing wife so that is difficult- being totally anonymous also gives him a get out clause. What I think may happen is that the insane affair partner will end up telling her anyway. Certainly mistress where I was didn’t care for ‘discreet’ though as all in same building it was easier to get the info out there.

But definitely approach either the manager’s manager or HR - as a group of possible and as low key but equally as clear as you can get - big flag up for the work disruption though - that will matter to them mostly!

Report it through the whistleblowing process.

NRTFT, but @CurdinHenry do you know his home address?

If so, get someone else your dh? whose handwritting they won't recognise to send her a card - one of the blank greetings ones in the supermarket.
Make sure it tells her all about their affair - include some dates/locations and "pet" names if pos. All the stuff that mind bleach isn't working on right now.

If nothing else, the poor STB ex W can take him for every penny before the bunny boiler gets it.

I know it's difficult 💐 to be stuck on the sidelines watching this kind of melodrama, but there comes a time where you really do have to blow the bloody doors off just save yourself.

I feel the pain. At my first job in Wetherspoons there were people having a work place affair and they would literally scream at one another across the kitchen. Like please just microwave the curry and argue in your own time. It’s so unprofessional, I would report them but only if I was convinced it would actually do something.

Replace “The quickest way to resolve this” with “The worst possible idea” and you have it bang on.

In the unlikely scenario that the OP has contact details for her head of department’s wife - I can’t even remember my boss’s wife’s name - why is the wife going to believe some woman she doesn’t know from a bar of soap over her own husband? And far more importantly, doing this puts the OP in the wrong, completely undermining any complaint and potentially making her the subject of a counter-complaint. She goes from someone whose working environment is being made difficult to a gossip actively involving herself in the personal lives of her colleagues.

OP - ignore ridiculous suggestions like involving the wife and listen to the sensible advice you’ve been given about sticking to the facts. Your boss’s marriage is none of your business - and more importantly, none of the firm’s either. They don’t care if he cheats on his wife. What counts here is that he is essentially abusing his power over a subordinate (even if she’s the crazy controlling one) and creating an environment where colleagues are afraid to address her behaviour. THAT is the basis of your complaint.

She knows exactly what he’s capable of and she’s not letting it happen and be made a fool of (like his wife!). I’d say she doesn’t trust him one iota rather than jealousy.

Came to say the same.

Get a group together. It sounds as though it is in the open, so not like you have to let it slip to discuss reporting.

What are their ages?

Don’t know where OP works but I’ve seen the guys get promotion to move them on and/or the woman get shifted out of area - without promotion.

Sad, but true, but hopefully some places are more forward thinking.

Yet another wild thread from you, OP.

That is the gist. It can take a while. People are likely to be pulled into it even if they think they have nothing to add to the witness statements.
Yes, HR can recommend that they are kept apart - which may result in (manager) disappearing, either expectedly or as a surprise.
If you think it's uncomfortable now, this period may be...something else.

HR will advise the manager to whom the OP submits the grievance on the correct way to handle it to protect the company from falling foul of employment law.
The manager should then investigate the behaviour being complained about, take statements from OP, witnesses and invite the colleagues to an investigation meeting. A decision will then be made as to whether there are grounds for formal disciplinary action against anyone or whether it can be dealt with informally.
If the OP sticks to factual complaints about behaviour rather than muddying the waters by talking about affairs (hearsay that could lead to a grievance against her) and there are witnesses, it's likely at the very least the two should be instructed to moderate their behaviour in the office.

Lol - I totally agree. I didn’t feel complimented by it one bit - nor did others I know!

I mean No chance on this earth of me/her fella being remotely attracted at all - we always spoke briefly though as he’s quite a sociable guy and was my manager for a while.

She’d also hunt him down if he was on a work night out without her and keep ordering him a taxi lol - though a friend ended up being quizzed one following day, as she had messaged him on the night to say ‘hey where are all you lot, we’ve lost you’ - guess it was anxiety inducing for the ex mistress - can’t be fun constantly worrying about your Adonis fella!

Are you going to report? I do think something was done at our place, though not by me and I don’t know precisely what - but we were saved from teatime extreme PDAs at least!

Had this in one place - guy, wife, mistress altogether in same building! Got a bit mental outside work and just ended up with guy and now girlfriend (ex mistress) left there.

She used to come to our floor and crawl all over him is the only term - he was the most senior there - I can’t believe they thought no one noticed! Outside work if a female speaks to him she still attaches herself very firmly to as much of his body as possible- doesn’t matter who either, I wanted to say ‘love, I’m 25 years older with anyhow zilch attraction to the ‘I’m attractive’ guy ha - I didn’t as no one ever does really do they, but smirked internally ha.

I think it’s when you’re now the girlfriend then there is an actual vacancy for your old position- whilst you’re the mistress, as in OP’s office, there must be some thought there could be others I guess.

It wasn’t as detrimental to our office though as yours sounds tbf - but I think something was raised as she stopped arriving for kisses and giggles lol. She did however get promoted very quickly up the ranks - sigh.

You are not being a cow or unreasonable. Report the wandering penis and his illicit partner pronto.

HR person here, use your whistleblowing process to report what you have seen anonymously. Don’t talk about the affair, put it in work terms e.g. there was a verbal disagreement in the office which was disruptive. The employee said that no one was allowed to speak to manager directly without her permission.