HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

You are not a fool @HolyCheeses Conmen and charmers know the right things to say to get what they want and they continually adapt so there is no escape. It just proves that you have a good heart and trust others to be the same as you. Thank goodness you listened to that tiny feeling you had and posted here. That showed true guts and courage ❤

No response is good, but if you were, may I suggest:

Dear ex
Not only are we not on the same workbook tab,
We are not on the same spreadsheet or computer.
We’re not even on the same cloud server as one another!

Being a fool would’ve been giving up your home and job and entrusting your existence on keeping him sweet.

You knew there was something off.

Not foolish at all, brave enough to ask on a forum what to do.

Looking from the outside

If he paints a picture
“I bought this wonderful house, let her decorate how she wanted and now she walks away leading me up the garden path spending my money on what she wanted only to refuse to move in”

If they have any sense, they are more likely to think, behind closed doors, yeah there must be a good reason, there are at least two sides to every story

Don’t worry @HolyCheeses it doesn’t matter what he says he’s hardly going to say “I tried to fleece her for £3k a month and she told me to fuck off” is he?

If he wants a response, next time he will treat people with courtesy. And respect.
The same you showed him.

This.

No response.

He sent horrible messages, did a Facebook post then blocked you, remember?
Frankly, just ignore. Don't respond.

There is NO one line reply (or paragraph for that matter) that you send that will give you the satisfaction of how you would really want to respond. And you can't/don't want to reply as you would really want to respond.

Just ignore. Sends a strong message.

His latest actions should be unbelievable yet they are not.

Wow... I'm just GOGGLING at the revised spreadsheet business. And I'm an ex-accountant who really loves a good spreadsheet. I use them for loads of stuff. But even I've never tried to woo somebody with one.

Does he think this is a bargaining situation? Or he just keeps submitting bids for your cohabitation until he finds one you agree to?

Has he tried... like... actually being nice to you? Not that I'm saying that would work at this point. But it might be a bit more human.

You're very wise. You won't regret this. He's really not a good person. Wishing you all the best 💐

Personally I wouldn’t respond at all
I find it’s the best way to treat bullies

What’s his rationale for the huge change in the spreadsheet? Did he say?
‘Oh, I forgot to factor in M&D’
’Ah, obviously you shouldn’t be contributing to the mortgage on a house you don’t own’
etc?

A simple one sentence reply sounds good. Whatever he’s trying to do here is best shut down.

I’ve just had an image of Billy Crystal running through the streets of New York to see Meg Ryan.
And Harry, instead of delivering that famously beautiful speech says, instead….
Look Sally, I’ve revised the spreadsheet!
And they fall into each other’s arms and live happily ever after….

So after the drama, calling you a time waster and trashing you on Facebook, he’s trying to lure you back with spreadsheet titbits!

There’s good, bad and indifferent. Then there’s bizarre.

Ah, it’s not totally relevant here but it’s definitely reminiscent.

Women whose partners ended long term relationships started to compare notes and found there was a remarkably consistent set of strategies men followed.

This situation is a bit different, but still elements of the script persist.

He did what???!!!! Argh 😂

For some reason this comment made me absolutely crack up!

It's a shame that his next victim will probably get the revised spreadsheet with costs increasing after she moves in. He now knows he overplayed his hand with the first offer.

Let's hope she's also on Mumsnet and can spot this coming.

Shamelessly placeholding to enjoy words such as agog and aghast 🤣

Ah the Brucie Bonus - the revised spreadsheet. 😁

I got one of these as well. Suddenly my contribution had contracted to zero. I didn't trust him. If I'd moved in I bet the costs would slowly start to be introduced.

The worst thing about my situation was that the cost to live with him wasn't only higher than living alone. I'd need to work more hours to cover it. He somehow thought that was reasonable.

I was expected to trade my lovely little flat and working part time to move 60 miles away and work full time to subsidise his lifestyle. He really couldn't understand my reluctance.

There's not a man alive that could have sold me that deal. 😂

If he only communicates through Microsoft productivity tools, then it might be time to send him a powerpoint setting out clearly why this is absolutely over. Maybe the word 'No' animated slightly differently on every slide?