HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

This has to be my favourite MN thread of all time - sorry OP! So happy that you found peace whilst he’s still deciding which Microsoft product to try next. Have a lovely summer and rest of your life.

Illustrative don’t you think
He clearly can’t understand your audacity to walk away
You feel unburdened

Are you expected to respond?

Because I am not sure I would know how to!

“erm yeah it’s still a no” being the heartless user you are @HolyCheeses 😀

I can't wait for the Word doc..

I said it be more, I will say it again .
He has out-arseholed himself.

How could that slide deck not have convinced you to go back to him and fund his lifestyle.

Excel and PowerPoint have not melted your stony heart, OP. What would do it, a nicely compiled database, perhaps?

I wonder what he will try next!

😂

Excellent. What a Master manipulator. Happy you didn't fall for it. Maybe you can do your own slideshow of his Excel sheet calculations with a mug in the background. What a twat!

So pleased you are enjoying your peace.
Says everything.

Is he losing the house in the meantime? Or he can afford it, just smoke and mirrors for your potential huge contribution

lol sorry @HolyCheeses but the slide show made me laugh. Was he shopping for groceries in fortnum and mason in any of the shots?

What a prat he’s being….
Youve definitely dodged a bullet there, and sounds like you are very happy!

So happy for you OP, you must feel like a new woman!

It’s fascinating how we slip into carrying these men around. Facilitating them.

If excel didn't bring you back, try a PowerPoint presentation 😂

Have you heard anymore from him OP?

He may have one last desperate grasp. An actual proposal.

Now I wouldn't expect him to intend to follow up with a wedding. We know he won't be sharing assets. Could be a final crumb to tempt OP back under his spell.

If he’d offered a Deed Of Trust, that might conceivably be acceptable, but he hasn’t. Well rid of the fellow.

let's see more of the aftermath....since the title of the new thread

It's amazing isn't it. Are they stupid or do they think we are?

The offer to put you on the morgage making you liable for a debt you never sought is so unbelievable.

How did he come to this conclusion that you were so dim as to fall for all of this?

He reads as a total grifter.

Oh I was offered the mortgage too. To give me security apparently.... I declined as a mortgage on someone else's house was a liability not security. I had my own place to fund.

Wanted to add my thoughts about OP decorating. CF asked OP to style the bedrooms. He outsourced and therefore 'chose' the decor by default. He won't see it that way as he wanted that to be an anchor but it's not really. If he doesn't like it, he wouldn't like it whether she lived there or not. I think it's a red herring.

Surely "going on the mortgage" means that you're also liable when it comes to paying it? Once you factor that in, his generous reduction of all other charges fades into insignificance!

Not really a fair assessment Ponoka… OP has made clear the timeline of decisions

1. Partner purchased large property without any discussion. Fait accompli. OP not involved in choice of house, location….zilch.
2. Request from partner for OP to move in, sell her assets, quit job, relocate… all huge changes. (And btw all classic moves by coercive controllers) When OP reasonably requests info on finances she is fobbed off. For months. She has zero info on a major life change. Instead she’s asked to help project manage.
3. Then a sudden “You must move in next few weeks” ultimatum. Again, no financial info whatsoever. Partner astonished she won’t immediately leap at this opportunity, gets upset.
4. Partner finally provides some limited financial info. But major elements missing eg his parents are also going to live there- will they contribute? No info on mortgage, deeds. No recognition her earnings are substantially less. No discussion on how this asset will be shared. OP has to interpret his assumptions by examining a spreadsheet.
5. OP finally has at least some of the info she needs to make a decision, and declines this offer. It is financially damaging to her so she has made a sensible decision. She also declines the relationship going forward. Because no one likes feeling screwed over by their partner who is supposed to love them!
6. Partner throws his toys out of the pram big style. OP is subjected to social media insults.

There is no “level of knowing” that the OP had of how this would affect her financially, until she insisted on the info herself. And as for the OP “giving your opinion as though you were going to be living there …”- well the OP was kindly giving partner the benefit of the doubt. She could not have imagined just how she was going to be completely exploited!
She’s done the hard work analysing his pathetic spreadsheets, while partner has just assumed she will sell up, move and fund his lavish property. He’s had a complete empathy bypass.

Honestly the more I think about this the more I can see parallels with professional scammers. The elements of time pressure, the emotional blackmail, the getting upset, the “ how can you miss this wonderful opportunity?” Grim. Well done
@HolyCheeses for a great decision.