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HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

434 replies

HolyCheeses · 22/04/2026 17:36

Was asked to start a thread.

started a thread.

OP posts:
TheAutumnCrow · 22/04/2026 23:44

@HolyCheeses, so what I think is possibly going on is a workaround on Mr Pre-nup's part whereby he's over-inflating the living costs and you'll not be paying into his mortgage at all, thus eradicating any future claim on his house you might have if you split up. (You've already confirmed he says it's a small mortgage, a ?remortgage for renovations.)

This is the spreadsheet so far:

food £1,400
cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 £300 per month [you amended this]
sky £180
home insurance £100
dog walking £260
sewer waste water £30
boiler type coverage £30
garden maintenance £50
Total of above = £2,550

You said the total was approx £3,020 from memory.

We need to add in also for this large house the following (and these are conservative guesses):

energy costs (gas, electricity) circa £250
water costs (meter or set bill) circa 40
vet insurance and costs for dogs circa £50
cars / travel costs circa £200 minimum
All other stuff

The total's already way over £3,020. It's £3,090 and rising.

This means he doesn't (can't) actually have a mortgage on this house. I think he's going to take your money as a monthly bank transfer though, and make a 'profit' on it, so to speak, while letting you think you're paying into the mortgage and building up your ability to make a proportional future claim.

The alternative is that he has an even more bonkers scheme going on, or he's an idiot. But it all sounds mega dodgy and I'm glad you're out.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/04/2026 23:16

Mainly checking in to hear his response now; stay strong OP

MachineBee · 22/04/2026 22:56

OVienna · 22/04/2026 20:54

So, I get it now. He reckons he's found a carer for his parents who also pays his mortgage.

Get rid of this turd, please.

He's in pole position for Twat of the Year 2026. @hebemumsnet could we not have a place to move threads during the course of the year - a bit like classics - which we can then vote on who wins in each of several CF categories?

Excellent idea - Twat of the Year - for voting on!

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:41

CaroleSP · 22/04/2026 22:05

I guess this includes all his parents' food as well? After all she'll be expected to cook for them too as it's as easy to cook for 4 as 2 isn't it?

Which makes me wonder why OP was being asked to pay half the bills and not one quarter? There would be four people in the house after all.

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 22/04/2026 22:16

‘It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?’
’I was going to dump you next week anyway.’
’You’ll never get anyone as good as me again.’
’I hope you’ll be happy all alone in your house with only your cats and wine for company.’ (FTR being alone with cats and wine sounds amazing!)

Notkatie · 22/04/2026 22:14

Only here for spreadsheets analysis

CaroleSP · 22/04/2026 22:05

outerspacepotato · 22/04/2026 21:33

I'm still stuck on the £700 a month for food after splitting the cost. How many fridges or freezers is he planning to have?

I guess this includes all his parents' food as well? After all she'll be expected to cook for them too as it's as easy to cook for 4 as 2 isn't it?

22YearsAndCounting · 22/04/2026 21:58

@HolyCheeses Is that you UCM? Ahhh those were the days!!

BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 21:46

DuckyDolittle · 22/04/2026 21:41

BB: ok i can see the money is all you care about, so we can split everything 40:60 (i.e., better but not exactly the right percentages) then
Wow, you really just want me to fund your life? Gold digger.

no, it goes further: wow, but you want a marriage, a legal protection for your old years, to be on the deeds, to be in my will and be accepted as my dear wife.....who knew that women felt entitled to all this .../ never mind really that this is what a normal man would do who cared for a woman for real

DuckyDolittle · 22/04/2026 21:41

BB: ok i can see the money is all you care about, so we can split everything 40:60 (i.e., better but not exactly the right percentages) then
Wow, you really just want me to fund your life? Gold digger.

KidsAndDogsGalore · 22/04/2026 21:38

I feel sorry for the guy: lovely big house, bedrooms decorated for the visiting DC dog walker organised so OP can go to work. His parents at hand for additional care duties at weekends & evenings, his food bill 110% covered and only paying 50% of a mortgage.

NoelFieldingsLeftSock · 22/04/2026 21:35

If he says you're being irrational, have you had your HRT?no court in the land will convict....

outerspacepotato · 22/04/2026 21:33

I'm still stuck on the £700 a month for food after splitting the cost. How many fridges or freezers is he planning to have?

Blueskies77 · 22/04/2026 21:33

BB “I thought we were on the same page! You’re so selfish”

SpainToday · 22/04/2026 21:30

OP, I hope you will be very clear (if you haven’t already) that his proposed 50/50 split is totally unaffordable for you (not to mention horrendously unfair)?

He definitely needs to realise where he’s gone wrong.

CluelessAboutBiology · 22/04/2026 21:26

Scampuss · 22/04/2026 19:24

When will you break the news to him @HolyCheeses ?

And can you live stream it for us to watch? 😂

RtHonLadyMuck · 22/04/2026 21:25

FamBae · 22/04/2026 19:19

I'm going with "but I was going to ask you to marry me 😫💔"

Yes I was going to add that one to the Bingo sheet 🤣👍

Itsrainingloadshere · 22/04/2026 21:25

He will have his ‘sad face’ and very confused expression and look bewildered, then will come up with but I sorted and decorated rooms for your kids, but we discussed this already, but it’s all planned, etc etc etc

Bombayss · 22/04/2026 21:18

I hope he is travelling to you next week?
You have done quite enough for him!

TimezoneEarth · 22/04/2026 21:18

Ridiculously invested!!
Can't possibly wait until next week for the outcome of this! 🤯

WildLeader · 22/04/2026 21:15

I predict toys…. Out of pram…

Pugglywuggly · 22/04/2026 21:09

Bring. It. On. Can't wait for more updates

Silverbirchleaf · 22/04/2026 21:01

TheSkyRaisin · 22/04/2026 18:37

I think he will spin it that you are a gold digger who was only interested in him for his money and big house and you dumped him when he asked you to make a fair contribution. He will use this story for sympathy and money from his parents to cover his expenses, then whenever he’s ready to find another partner, he will have the perfect backstory for why he’s so reluctant to spend money on her and why she needs to prove that she won’t play him like you did (ideally by going halves on his mortgage and taking his parents to their medical appointments).

By this stage @HolyCheeses you’ll be enjoying your newly renovated house and thanking the goddess that you can see through such bullshit 😁

I agree.

But don’t be swayed by this.

BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 21:00

The more you think about it, the more you want to laugh your heart out at this man, all pre-planned, all sorted in his head, but hey, without the majour star in his drama ever asked does she like the script

BeFunnyBiscuit · 22/04/2026 20:58

He pre-planned a lot of food buying OP. I guess you are a great cook. Otherwise who would be in the kitchen dicing, slicing, prepping, cooking and dishing out all these tons of foods