HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

How about make a counter proposal, one that advantges you to the same extent. Be v curious to see how lovingly he responds...

It sounds as if he’s been stringing the OP along for weeks, if not months or years! A week or so on her side is hardly stringing him along to anything like the same extent.

Doing the same is just her stooping to his level and going tit for tat. She doesn't need to string him along like he has.

I get where you are coming from, and wonder ge realised op could subsidise his lifestyle. Did ge buy the house prior to op, abd if do surely he should gave fractured costs and affordability then? Is thus v part of getting a mortgage? What has gone wrong that he needs someone now.

Sadly this is so true

Can you imagine? He’s going to have to tell Ted and Sheila that he needs more money from them.
Whatever this guy does for a living it’s not been his greatest work this plan, has it?
A quick waft of a spreadsheet and everyone but him is paying the mortgage.
There is no way most men would move their parents into an annexe if they were single.
This is like employing a free carer by stealth - Mum is much more comfy having another lady taking her to the GP. She says you are like a daughter to her.
And as for the amounts on that spreadsheet where is he doing the food shop - Harrods?
And I bet the Sky bill is high because he’s got every sports channel on it as well.
We are going to have a new spreadsheet next week - passive aggressive beauties designed to guilt OP into moving to Manipulative Mansion.

OP has been asking for an age to sort out finances, kept her own house renovation on hold for months and made other decisions (and held off on decisions) on the basis of this move, but he's kept her dangling. It's fine for her to take a week, or more, to be able to discuss this in a manner she is comfortable with. It's not her responsibility to make up for him making unreasonable assumptions about her willingness to subsidise his lifestyle choices.

Blatant placemark for when he realises you’re not providing care to his parents

I thought the same. Best to give him a heads up that things won't be going how he is imagining they will, and he should cut his cloth accordingly

If he's going to keep making financial decisions and commitments this week based on assuming OP will play along, then it may be advisable to let him know sooner rather than later.

he thought she would just send away all her money to him aka shared joint account and there you go, 4000 pounds on top of his income, that is a lot, isn't it...and why she would not do it....he has a whole mansion hey for her to come in and live in LOL...and if a man thinks in such a way, I am despairing of the men in this country

I doubt that he had even really thought of a serious spreadsheet, he probably thought the OP will send away all her future income into a joint account and he would just dip in there as his needs are....and when she requested more info, he could jumbled this one

So that us on MN can get the next instalment quicker!

Why?

I actually think you need to tell him, even if you have to do it over a phone call if you're not going to see him before next week.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5519210-aibu-to-refuse-moving-in-if-asked-to-pay-half-his-mortgage?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Whilst deeply sorry for the absolute ass hat of a human you've encountered, OP, please may I thank you for the phenomenal enjoyment you've shared by allowing us to anticipate his displeasure. I personally hope he drops down stone dead with rage.

Following for the next development

OK I'm now invested in this but is there a previous thread which someone can link to

The offensive part is for me, that now men are finding women are very capable of earning good money, so just give it to them and keep being this small sexy cook but keep quiet

Historically women are groomed to think they should just go in and take a man's offer to cohabit < hence the marriage institution is sooooo important to be kept as a legal protection > and never earn any money, but put an apron on and stand in the kitchen all day and wait with aromatic dishes for him to come back from wherever, looking gorgeous and after dinner just open their legs for the man, asking for nothing but keeping quiet. Men still think this is how women believe life is and I find this seriously offensive, even as a woman coming from a poorer, more traditionalist type of country

As another poster has said, as women we tend to be worried about being seen as 'gold diggers' so we often bend over backwards to prove that we are not, to the point that we will end up funding someone else's lavish lifestyle to the detriment of our own.
This man is capitalising on this.

I'm not sure he thinks she's stupid so much as he assumes that, as a woman, she naturally puts everyone else's desires above her own and would be happy to destroy herself if it made him happy. It's not that he thinks she's too thick to see it as much as he just thinks it's her place to accept it and she would agree, because it suits him and what else matters?

People who try to coerce women into stuff like this rarely tell them they'd be clever to do it, but they will call on things like "be compassionate" or "don't be selfish" or "how could you?". Essentially an admission that they know it's not in their interests, and that they know the women know it too.

Taken in the round, having been on MN for over fifteen years, from this forum alone, I think men suck shitty arse. I know NAMALT but oofe. The depths some of them will sink to. The level of assuming the women in their lives are as thick as and the skeevery, assholery and fuckwittery is bloody shocking.

There is no world in which what this man is expecting is acceptable but it's guaranteed that he will try and guilt trip OP into thinking she is missing a golden opportunity blardy blar.

I appreciate your comment. Our family spends a lot, honestly a lot on food for 3 people but we have someone with dietary requirements and fixation on specific brands. But however this seems not to be the case with the OP who lives down to earth and is being gaslit to go and provide for another 3 adults which is not her job