HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

I watched my father frequently invite his mother to stay, then he’d disappear to play golf for hours on end, leaving my mother to entertain his mother. The two women didn’t get on that well, so it was unpleasant for everyone.
I don’t know why my mother didn’t disappear to do her own thing, but from a young age, I was adamant that I would never be in that situation myself. A typical man being generous with the nearest woman’s time, as you say.

Like a lot of men when it comes to caring duties, very generous with the nearest woman's time.

Boy, have my friends handed their husbands their arse to them, calmly and firmly, on that score when it arose.

No more golf/sailing all day Saturday!!
Menopause has been great on that score for zero tolerance of being taken advantage of.

You aside, I really feel for his parents, he's made the last part of their life unstable. I'd bet they didn't fully know what was happening and just trusted him. He's atrocious for potentially making two elderly people homeless and then he'll piss off and hope to find another victim.

You know what.

So many people post on here, get told their partner are scum, and refuse to believe it.

You posted, listened to the advice, ditched the bellend. And then didn't majorly doubt yourself.

I'm proud of you,in a weird faceless internet kind of way.

I am so pleased for you! Concentrating on what you need and want to do for your future must feel great. Yes some of the stories on here are harrowing.

Thank you @Bombayss
Apologies @MsLllama

They had sold a small detached house and were looking for a larger one, that would be partly funded by a generous gift from her parents.

His preference was for the larger house, more space, preferably with a separate garage. He had been talking about a hobby/gym space apparently.

Absolutely no mention of his mother being the reason they needed more space.
She had never come up at all.

She ended up in a care home, he certainly hasn't taken her in. He travels several times a month.

?

What happened to the mother?

How is your house getting on @HolyCheeses ?

Surely she was going to find out when he insisted on getting a house with an annex? Or was that what the garage was going to become? How was he planning to find and buy a house together for this without his wife realising??

Some years ago my friends colleague was in a short term rental.
They had just sold their home and were trying to find something bigger, with a separate garage.

Her husband was fully driving this as he kept saying they needed more space for the family of two kids and he wanted a hobby room.

She came home from work unwell one day to hear him talking to his sister about the annex for his mother that would ensure no care home fees as "they" would look after her.

There had never been a hint of this.
She was stunned but was very quickly furious.
He travelled a lot and she carried the load with their two early teens.
Her parents were also gifting her an early inheritance of 200k which would then be a marital asset.

She talked to her sister who is a solicitor and she advised her to transfer half of the house proceeds into her own account immediately, which she did.

He obviously knew something was up and she told him she had heard his plan and it wasn't happening.

Long story short despite his back tracking and endless apologies, she couldn't get over what he was planning behind her back, the complete lack of respect, and she told him she wanted a divorce

Clearly she wasn't really happy in the relationship, but wouldn't have blown it up.

But the sheer selfishness of knowing how much she carried with his travelling and thinking he could add his not easy mother to the load, was the final nail in the coffin.

She told my friend she didn't even really grieve the marriage as she was so repulsed by him and his duplicity.

HE was the one who suffered because she got full parental responsibility, a substantial additional payment as she was housing the children full-time.

She was honest with her children too for the reason for the divorce, Dads dishonesty about their move from a house they all had loved.

He had some very hard questions from his children and has not recovered the relationship.
Of course his mother doesn't live with him and has had to move into a home.

Some men really think a woman's role is to facilitate and accommodate their life, comfort and convenience.

I know this in my own life with friends whose husbands wrongly thought that her parents were her responsibility, but his was "theirs".

They got some shock.

My educated guess is he will want far too much for McMansion and once realism kicks in and he works out how much he ends up with the property by the beach will be an impossible pipe dream, he won’t pay care home fees, if he could then he could afford to stay in McMansion.

This is a man who thought a revised excel spread sheet with random numbers, then another revised spread sheet, then social media posts saying good riddance to the heartless bitch whilst at the same time sending PowerPoint montages set to meaningful songs (oh pass a bucket)

So don’t believe anything this man posts online it’s all smoke and mirrors.

He wanted @HolyCheeses money and free caring/domestic labour seemingly the only way he could afford his plans. Whilst suggesting @HolyCheeses leaves her job and put herself into a position where she might’ve become homeless. Probably read some basic “make them dependent on you” online manosphere for dummies website. And thought he had cracked it. Vipers assemble!

This is not a man with the means or intelligence to to do anything remotely resembling interesting.

It’s very entertaining.

This

I would bet good money on it!

That's if he hasn't put them in a home already, now there is no live-in carer....

Thank you so much for taking the trouble to come back and update us. People read these things and it really can help them become clear on thier own situations and what steps they can take to look after themselves.

I wouldn't be surprised as most coastal towns in the UK, despite being desirable locations for retirees, aren't very well set up for the elderly. Transport is often an issue, hospitals can be a long way away and property is only affordable because there's no work, so town centres can be very downtrodden.

Obviously some seaside places are wonderful for the elderly, but not very many of them.

My first thought (like many here apparently) was how the sale proves he really needed @HolyCheeses money to make it affordable.

I didn't imagine him taking his parents with him elsewhere.

Wherever you live @HolyCheeses you ensured the freedom to make your own choices.