AIBU to let my nine year old shave her legs?

Please don't feel sorry for me. It wasn't great, but I always knew it wasn't right to be hit by my parents. Sounds bizarre, but it means the punishments weren't actual punishments, per se, just a reflection of the puny thought processes of the people who were my parents, with some hitting and insults on the side.

I have greatly enjoyed parenthood by doing the exact opposite. I have trated my daughters as wise women, capable of making wise choices and they have indeed. Life is good now, as it was then xxxx

I used my dad's razor in secret to shave under my arms. I had a few straggly hairs and my mum thought it would be silly to start shaving as it would encourage the hair to come through "thicker and darker". Although there weren't many hairs, they were long and wispy and I was mortified by them. I tried cutting them off with nail scissors first but kept cutting myself. My parents discovered I'd been using the razor when my dad lacerated his face because it was so blunt.

All this to say, I think you're being very empathetic and pragmatic. Your daughter's feelings of embarrassment and self consciousness will not go away by you telling her she doesn't need to worry about it (mine didn't). Yes, your daughter is young but kids do seem to be going through puberty earlier and earlier. Having these open conversations with your daughter is really healthy and desirable and if you do decide to let her shave, an electric razor sounds like a smart choice to me. I used one myself for underarm shaving for many years and found it to be very gentle. (Would still be using it now if I'd bothered to replace it when it broke!) Best of luck.

My legs were ridiculously hairy as a child. As a teen I borrowed my dad's razor. When he found it blunt and I confessed, he beat my legs with a stick.

My girls were also pretty hairy. The day each one came to the conclusion that they didn't want hairy legs, I waxed them.

You could also consider a Philips lumea, which will permanently banish hair. This may sound drastic, but I feel it's unlikely she will regret removing it in the future. Both my girls were given access to mine aged 16 ish. No more moustache or hairy legs.

And no stick

@Ljcrow I don’t think this is unreasonable at all, yes 9 seems young but I think better to show her that you have heard her and understand and are looking for safe ways to deal with it together, rather than say no and her feel that you don’t understand so she won’t come to you for difficult issues in the future.

I use something called a magic crystal rather than razor. It effectively rubs the hair off rather than shaving it. Has the same effect but is kinder to skin and less risk of ingrown hairs.
https://www.secretmake-up.co.uk/products/magic-crystal-hair-remover?srsltid=AfmBOorRo9hQt7qXz7g_s6kBrapqgMW_vh3s_0ItNSpNZaVs1PlAXkqv

Another option if you think she could tolerate would be an epilator. This is obviously more painful but a friend of mine used one of these from preteen age and by the age of 16 the hair on her legs was really fine and soft so did not need doing as often and didn’t hurt so much. But think more chance of ingrown hairs which can be a problem. Good luck I hope you find something that works for you and your daughter.

I decided to allow my own girls when start shaving when and if they feel like they want to and if they are feeling self conscious. I got them good razors and show them how to do it safely.
I started puberty early at 9 so started being conscious of my body a bit younger than average, so I understand how some 9 year olds wouldn’t think twice about a visible hairy leg and others may be mortified by it
I remember boys laughing at hair under my arm and I wanted the ground to swallow me up, so if my mum hadn’t let me shave at that point I would have literally stopped wearing certain clothes

I'd support her in shaving even if it's because of other people making her feel self conscious.

I don't shave because I feel like I have too, I just hate how my legs/body feels when hairy!

My DD10;hasn't mentioned shaving yet so I'm just going to wait until she mentions it

We will likely be in a smilar position with our 9 year old soon enough. She’s already very tall for her age and is developing a little quicker than her peers as well. She hasn’t asked yet but when she does I’ll teach her how with an electric razor. I wish it wasn’t happening so quick but I’d rather I feel a bit sad and pissed off about it than her feel uncomfortable and self conscious. Growing up is hard enough.

OT but do you mind me asking what cream is this, and would you recommend please?

I was shaving my legs from about 11 and a half when I started High School (Scotland).

I think in some ways kids grow up much quicker these days and chances are she'll be more mentally affected by you refusing than allowing her.

I'm heading towards 50 and still can't understand why my Mum refused to let me do the things that the other girls in my year group were doing e g ear piercing, long hair, nail polish, tampons etc as I felt like such an outsider/odd one out and it destroyed my self confidence and isolated me as I couldn't join in with make-up chat etc. If you look at my school year photos I'm the weirdo looking one (in my head anyway!).....

She didn't know about the leg shaving but guess my Dad probably wondered why his razors were blunt 😆.

Obviously as a teenager I rebelled, dyed my hair purple, drank MD20/20 etc 😆.

We are a dark hair, pale skin family. My mother forbid me to ‘change how God made me’ and I was not allowed to shave or remove any body hair. Until I got a job, bought my own razors and…the freedom! It was so amazing.
So my daughter, at about 10, needed my help. She went with me to a local hotel with a spa, and we bought a pre-waxing numbing cream ahead of her leg wax. We also got her waxed with warm peelable wax (not the cotton strips) as we were told it was kinder to skin, and it was. Therapist was amazing and it was definitely best decision!

Well, I'd imagine nobody would blink an eye about a boy starting shaving early if his face was getting unusually hairy for his age. And I doubt we'd hear any complaints about beauty/grooming standards etc.

I know a few girls who are 10 but thekr parents give them hair removal cream to use in the shower instead of a shaver. Hope that helps.

Agree with most others on here. Fully support it and show how to do it properly.

my DD has done it since the age of 10, she hit puberty early. She has eyebrows waxed since start of year 7 (so 12 years old) and at the same time has bikini line waxes for holidays at the salon too. She's self conscious otherwise, suffers with lots of hair like I did (I went for proper laser hair removal) and if I can support her being more confident then why not.
If I wasn't prepared to lead the revolution on if I don't see why I'd expect my year 6/7/8 daughter to do it.

My dd got her legs waxed first at 10, and a few years on she gets them done every 6 months, its amazing how its impacted the regrowth. She also gets her eyebrows waxed and says those are a lot sorer. Legs are a breeze.

I only started waxing myself (years of shaving) when I started taking her and I wish I'd waxed years ago as I can easily go 3 months now. So different to shaving weekly

I'm not sure we can make comparisons to boob jobs and acrylic nails when probably the majority of women shave their legs at some point and these other things are a lot more niche!

Yep. And those who are like, "i wouldn't allow it, you're teaching your daughter that she has to change, what message is that sending?"
I'm sending her the message that I get it, no, in an ideal world this wouldn't be a thing, but in this one it is, and I have got her back.

This.

On a slightly different note, my child has a very large port wine stain birthmark on their face that they get lasered regularly (it grows back) to fade it. We started when they were at nursery because it's what the NHS offered us.
Was it an easy decision? No
Do I regret doing it in case she thinks she isn't beautiful how she was born? No
Would I have wanted my mum to have done the same for me if I had a big red birthmark on my face? Yes
Is my daughter traumatized and obsessed with beauty / being perfect? No
Does my daughter think she's not enough because she got her birthmark lasered? No

So much of it is about how you parent OP... You know your daughter best and she is not going to be traumatized or set off down a 'beauty is everything' path, just because you let her shave her legs at 9! And this poster is 100% correct - if you don't let her shave, she will forever remember the uncomfortable feelings she has, because no one has yet said they were glad that their mum didn't let them shave their legs when they reallllyyyy wanted to!

I hated my leg hair and no one made comments to me about it - I just noticed it was different to pre-puberty and looked different to the other girls around me. It may genuinely just be that she doesn't like it. I would let her remove it. My mother didn't let me and it turned into a big thing for me. You don't want her refusing to wear shorts or skirts in the summer and being uncomfortable and self conscious. It won't set her on a one way path to acrylic nails and I'm not sure why some posters think that.

The question for me is: do we see posters saying that they wish they'd been allowed to shave earlier? Absolutely yes. There's loads on this thread alone.

Do we see posters saying they were allowed, but they wish they hadn't? I've not seen any to date - although people might pop up now I've said that!

These threads are always the same, anyone who had that dark hair pale skin combo understands it, and usually didn't have a parent who allowed them to, so is all for allowing it. The ones who frown on it probably never had a lot of hair, or it was just not as noticeable and they really can not understand how awful it is for a child when other children comment on it.

My DD is lucky that her leg hair is not as thick and dark as mine was as a child, but she did want to shave at 10 and I absolutely let her, and would have done sooner if she wanted.

My Mum never let me shave my legs. It didn't occur me at that age though, I think i was 13/14 when I stated making noise about it and she bought me Veet (Immac as it was back then). I have chopped and changed between Veet, shaving and a brief foray into wax strips over the years. I understand it's upsetting of she is self conscious about it but she's a child and these cosmetic things shouldn't be important to a child

I’m not sure if it was your thread I posted on, but I’m all for helping my daughter remove any body hair that makes her feel uncomfortable.
she’s 11, so a little older. We haven’t tackled legs yet, but she has mentioned them so we’ll get them waxed in the next few weeks.
i have waxed her armpits for her, we have the middle of her eyebrows waxed as and when needed, and I have helped her trim her bikini area - although I am wanting to find a way for her to safely do this alone, as I’m sure she’ll find my help intrusive soon.

She also might just not like it? I don’t like how mine looks. I am very pale, it’s very dark, but also quite sparse. So I just look dirty from a distance.

I have an 8 1/2 year old and I don't think she even knows shaving your legs is a thing.
I'd personally be discussing what has led her to pick up on it, my dd does have body hair but she doesn't really see it/nobody else has commented.
I agree if she is really anxious I'd try and find a way to help with it but I'd want to know what's led to this. Leg shaving is harmless really BUT when she is 14 and feels her boob's are small, or her bum is flat, or her hair is too brunette, or her nails should be acrylic - she's going to need to deal with not always looking perfect/the same at some point and 9 is a good age to start some of those chats even if you let her shave her legs now. I'm not saying this is the hill to die on but I do think you should interrogate it a bit further rather than just seeing the solutions as "we will deal with the body hair" unless you see yourself advocating for other interventions when she is older and has new body hang ups. I'd try and push for some self confidence too, maybe try Girlbe and some books to support her with where self worth comes from, as well as finding the right razor.