Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

While you are at it, OP, maybe you could cancel the cheque? Then change the dates of the trip, allow the kids to come on this holiday they have been looking forward to, check the dates on the council website, and book a real childcare professional that the kids have met before.

I’m sure we’ve all done it before (fail to read the OP’s own posts on a thread) but this thread really does seem to have brought out a whole lot of them!

Sounds like a good plan. The exh has two options - do the childcare himself, or be quiet.

OPs ex is a bell end deluxe though.

So many men accuse women of 'taking them to the cleaners' when in fact, the men are too lazy to fight back or even get a lawyer so they are just passengers to the process.

My ex was like this. I divorced him because he was a cheating lying prick. He CBA to get representation and I got the house (having to pay him out). I'm sure he would say what you have said though.

He could have fought and possibly got a more equitable share. Who knows? Not me. I don't care. He just signed because - lazy.

Am I the only one who thinks these teen boys just enjoy seeing their mum, @Mostlywilliow turn as red as a tomato with fury as they wind her up by recounting what their dad supposedly said to them and sending videos of the food she’s bought?? 😆

Although op has well and truly got them back but getting a DBS nanny to stay with them for the week!!!

Sounds like you totally deserve a holiday being default parent to 3 teen boys with a whiny ex

It’s only a sodding week! The baby sitter idea is a good solution even if they were ok you’ve got peace of mind. You wouldn’t want your trip marred by worrying.

Just get the sitter and go. Your kids don't need to have a say. It's only, what, a week?

Oh I know your ex. You must be my friend. He cheated and gambled and abused you and left you to look after the children alone while paying the mortgage which nearly broke you. Now you met that lovely nerdy guy and got that good job and you’re thriving and the kids are happy and doing great.

Or it’s just that there are so many of them and they’re predictable.
Have a lovely holiday.

They would love that. Free party house for all.

It’s probably more beneficial the children stay in school for the week? Please be careful when you get down from your high horse.

Sorry - she bought the house out from him that was jointly owned and he barely sees the kids but still pays under the bare minimum of CMS. How did you read that as she took him to the cleaners. The dad is an utterly appalling father who is providing a bare minimum level of care or financial support for his kids whilst OP is left providing all the rest.

I know what you mean. I remember becoming completely repulsed by a parent seemingly overnight. I must have been about 11 or 12. I just suddenly ‘saw’ them for what they were and immediately lost all respect and whatever emotional attachment I had for them.

Hopefully OP‘s boys will have a similar experience, and come to appreciate how much better a parent she is than their useless, vindictive tosser of a dad.

OP - your Ex is awful and you are completely reasonable. Your kids are barely kids anymore - having some around for emergencies / to make sure they don't run wild is sensible and when they complain about it I would suggest an honest conversation with them about the fact that its your house, your rules and what is their preferred option.

I wonder if, one day, they will 'see' him and reject him.

I did with my grandmother. I would have been about 14 and she was ranting at my mother and I realised what a nasty, toxic old bitch she actually was and I pulled Mum out of there and away for a conversation that was like a dam breaking for my Mum who had been controlled and abused by her mother for years.

Same with my SIL. I had idolised her as a child (she and my Bro are both a lot older) but one day she was chuntering on and I realised how thick she was and by extension, what my brother's life was like living with her and I could never unsee it.

Well if he was a good father he would take the week off to look after the kids himself.

Can I ask out of interest (I am Team OP!) would you have left them together as teens, with no supervision, and go away for a week as many on here have suggested? I presume not as you didnt mention your house burning down!

@Gawdblimeygovenor I don't think parents/step-parents who want to have a couple's holiday need to give teenagers the choice of coming with them. DH and I went away for a week last summer, no one else was invited!
Our two had plenty going on themselves, including their own holidays with friends.

@Mostlywilliow Your ex is being idiotic and wasting SS's time with his complaints, which is particularly irritating given how overstretched services are.

You sound very responsible to me getting a sitter to keep an eye on them for the week to ensure they get to school on time, eat, and don't throw parties. Legally, you don't have to do this (although personally I think it's a good idea) and your ex won't get anywhere with his moaning.

If he's really concerned, he can drive over to check on them every couple of days...bet he won't though.

Your children are old enough to be told that leaving teenagers home with a babysitter is quite fine. And they are old enough to percieve their father's ranting as unkind and out of line.

Decide, as a family, that you will not make mountains out of mole hills about their father's behaviour.
State clearly their father's negatives and state clearly that you don't need him nor his views upsetting your very nice lives.

Tell the kids that reporting things from their Dad is not helpful.
Ask the kids to form a monthly calendar of the dates they will be able to spend time with their Dad (and send him a copy).
Dad is disorganised but your children don't have to be.

If he wants to meet up when it is unsuitable, your children are old enough to respond.

Agreed, out and out jealousy dressed up as faux concern for the poor hard knock life abused teens. I have 3 once teen boys, and can confirm they would have been thrilled to have a week without me ranting on about homework/ snacks in bedrooms/ screen time/ winding each other up

The most fascinating thing about this thread is the number of people who seem to lack the ability to read and understand a post but blithely go ahead and comment anyway. Have a wonderful holiday you three (you, him and vag).

@Mostlywilliow
Have an amazing holiday & ignore all the posters here who don't speak or understand English.. feck's SAKE.. (just read the whole thread)..

Lets not forget they are lads.

I know I know, girls can be dicks too but lets face it, we all know that the biggest Good Ideas, Brilliant Plans and "I KNOW!!!" come from lads that age! Ask me how I know!

They absolutely do. Would anyone seriously leave three young teens in charge of their house for a week? It would be party central within 5 minutes of OP leaving to catch her plane. Never under estimate a teen. I’ve been there, got the t-shirt.

You sound like a fantastic mum. Ignore the negative comments Hope you enjoy the holiday!

Sorry OP but I am rather enjoying the no nonsense responses to the criticisms here. I admire your delivery! Of course you should still go away and of course you should ensure an adult is at home to supervise. My 15 year old son is very sensible but his school has repeatedly advised parents of the dangers surrounding parties when parents aren't present. They say that every single year there is a party that very much goes wrong. It starts out with just a few friends. Word gets out on social media. Word quickly gets out to the local drug dealers who often then show up, sometimes armed with knives and a tantalising array of drugs. They particularly want to target parties to get a group of new customers. Back in the 90s my parents would go away and leave me (14) in the supposed care of my 17 year old sister. She would often disappear as didn't wish to 'babysit' me. We lived in the middle of nowhere and there wasn't a huge amount that we could have got up to (although I did once acquire a kitten whilst they were away and then pretended to have just found it in the garden a few hours after they returned home).
Today is a very different world with the use of social media.

The 'Nanny' doesn't have to 'babysit' them. She will merely be an adult presence in the house as a party deterrent and might make the occasional meal to help out. Of course your kids don't want her there. Of course your ex doesn't want a nanny there. He wants things to go wrong so that he can evidence it as poor parenting.

Go and have a great time OP. But do make sure that you give them the choice. They either come with you (despite knowing that they will loathe it) or they get to stay at home with an adult present and you will leave some additional money for takeaways. That way they can't change the narrative to "my mother abandoned us and didn't take us on holiday as children" in moments of future martyrdom. Obviously the option to join you should be presented in a way which will absolutely deter them from choosing this option.