Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

My parents left me in charge of my younger brother when I was 14 and they went away. My brother decided to put a tin of spaghetti on the stove. He didn’t think to open it and put the contents in a saucepan. Luckily he was out of the room when it detonated, as the contents would have been like lava. There was stinking, burnt spaghetti in tomato sauce EVERYWHERE. Luckily he was much taller than me and was able to bleach the ceiling with a mop and bucket.

I hope you have an amazing holiday OP. I remember my parents going away when I was 16, my siblings and I had all the Good Ideas! My siblings were older teens/twenties before someone accuses my folks of being terrible parents!

Honestly don’t give them air time. I’m not aiming for parent of the year but parent that is present and there. Go on your holiday. Not like your leaving the house with no food and your 17 yr old in charge

Why?

Ignore the men & their cheerleaders. This is post separation coercive control.

"The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 provides legal protection against ex-partners, extending to include post-separation abuse such as stalking, harassment, and coercive control. It legally recognizes that abuse often continues after a relationship ends, including economic and psychological abuse."

If you want to go in hard, log it with police. If you want to give him a chance to reflect & change, have a solicitor send him a letter pointing out the relevant parts of the DA Act.

Doesn't sound like either of you will be up for any "parent of the year" awards anytime soon.

Holy fuck! I Feel Your Pain OP!!!!!!!!!!

I am probably way too late to the party OP (and what a blast it has been!), but I have whiled away some of a sleepless night in reading your posts. I haven't read all of the replies, as some of them were causing me to be slightly hysterical.

So, I have to say that I have been astonished at the constant and repeated criticisms and questions posted by people who clearly haven't had the good grace to even THINK about catching up. You have the patience of a saint. Really.

Anyway, some thoughts.

Firstly, you must go on this holiday (and don't forget to pack your vagina, obvs). Do not let anyone push you into not going.

Secondly, take the kids. (Sorry, only joking - left the 'don't out.)

Thirdly, stick to your guns with the kids. They obvs can't stay on their own. I wonder if you can be strict on this one, which in turn might make any future plans easier. Just a thought.

Before I go, I do want to congratulate you whole heartedly in ditching the ex fuckwit. It sounds as though he's trying button pushing. I had a lot of that sort of nonsense from my ex. I didn't rise to it when possible which seriously pissed him off. It worked for me.

Take care and enjoy the holiday.

Walking boots? Sounds to me that you're not going to have much time to break in a pair of walking boots ....

Every time I see "Man here!" now I just think it must be someone larking about. I might be wrong though.

You are getting a really hard time here - from all the perfect parents

being a single parent is tough. I def don’t reliese how hard and tiring it is and I don’t get any overnights/free time due to his behaviour /safe guarding

you booked a good deal holiday expecting them to be at school. But term dates changed

you arranged for a nanny to come who the kids know to supervise them an make sure home isn’t wrecked

I’ve been that nanny when parents went skiing tho kids younger

ex sounds an arse. They always are. Esp the rich ones who don’t went pay for their kids but equally don’t want to see them and can’t even manage one night a week

the vagina reply literally made me spit out my cuppa

you are allowed time off being a 24/7 solo parent with your partner of 5yrs and have holiday of your choice (sounds hell to me, prefer sunbathing)

as long as also take kids away as well which I’m sure (hope) you are doing

have a fab time

Woman here! 🤔!

So it’s ok to call SS?

He’s a twat and you only get what you deserve!

Maybe I am mean but I wouldn’t give this a second thought. My god we give these teens so much of ourselves and our money! Even if they did want to go tough luck! Dd2 quite wanted to come on my recent holiday but didn’t get to hey ho.

I have to say I agree that they are funny creatures.

"Do you want to go on holiday?"
"NO!"
"Ok, well I do so I am going to book a holiday with my sister/partner/vicar is that ok with you?"
"FINE"
"I am away from X until Y"
"What?! You are going away without me?"
"Yes, you said you didnt want to come"
"But that doesnt mean you can go without me!!!!!"

They might not like holidays, but you're going with someone else and teenagers can be fickle. I just thought it would be strange for their Dad to have that much influence over their thoughts on it at that age and maybe more was at play. Do they dislike your new partner? Whatever it is, teenagers are a minefield at the best of times without an ex partner to stir up the hornets nest. Good luck!

@Mostlywilliow It's really not worth planning holidays with teenagers who don't want to come. My DD (20) went through this phase and we just didn't bother, she wanted to be with her friends instead. Now she's a student and managing her own finances, however, she's much keener on holidays funded by parents.😆 In fact, she's suggested that she and I go for a mini break after her exams...guess who'll be paying?!

@Mostlywilliow Are the children upset because you haven't booked a holiday with them yet? Maybe they're feeling left out and complained to their Dad, which he's capitalised on? Just a thought.

🤦🏼‍♀️

He has ADHD got enthusiastic about making his own breakfast read the instructions skipped the add milk park and put the dry powder in the microwave full blast my microwave was brand new it took forever to get the smell out 😂

Wow just stick to your guns OP what a capable woman you are. And the wisest thing is to have a house sitter to look after the house, make sure there is some decent food in show adult interest in teen children, time keeping, clean stuff etc . Sounds brilliant.
You are so so lucky except in the ex husband. I was in similar position once, but he buggered off paid nothing as I knew he would. He left his job made himself homeless( shacked up with woman after woman ) dumped the children I knew he’d do this to punish me. So I got bigger equity in the house knowing he’d never pay. Still I was the demon all his family blame me because they couldn’t face up to the kind of person he was. It had to be all my fault.

Have a fantastic holiday. Ex husband is not the only one who is jealous 😆

@Theunamedcat how does one cause porridge to catch on fire???

@Mostlywilliow What it all boils down to is that your ex can't stand the idea of you enjoying a lovely holiday with your partner.

Sorry, haven't quite read all of the replies, but the OP states that the 'babysitter' has already cared for them before, so not a complete stranger, and 2 of them are of an age that they could legally married / leave home!
(Have they told you that they are upset about you going away?).
Ex should butt out, but maybe book another little holiday with the kids to look forward to, that they have some input with choosing? 🌹

My comment is I hope the eastern Mediterranean involves Sicily fantasic place to visit