Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

Your ex is playing with the teenagers minds.Glad you’re happier now with a kind loving man. He’s honing in on the weak spots- the things that the teens are not keen on- and he’s ramping it all up and making it look like it’s most unreasonable for them and he’s their saviour complaining on their behalf. You can’t change the knobhead but you can give the teens options - within reason-to make it clear hes full of it and you are considering all of their concerns and want them to be addressed and to see them happy, while also hanging on to the original plan for a well earned holiday

Only you know what compromises can work and will make them happier.

im sure they are aware that it’s not what you originally planned for them but they are understandably disappointed

Could they take the last couple of days or day off to stay at home and have down time too?

Could you arrange sleepovers with each of their friends for when you’re back? A ticket to their fav movie/ fun day out/ fun night out when you’re back or while you’re away?
Enjoy your lovely break

Hi @Mostlywilliow, I have only read all of your posts so far, so I'm sorry if anyone else has posted along similar lines to me; my concern is actually for you. You say you will be holidaying in the Eastern Mediterranean area, is that not where, or at least near to where, so much of the recent conflict is happening? Does the Foreign Office say that it is still safe to be holidaying in that area, and even if it is still considered to be safe enough, because your destination isn't actually that near to all the fighting, will the airlines still be honouring all of their flights now?

I am asking you, because the chance of any quick resolutions to the conflicts, seems to be lessening by the day, or even by mere hours? Therefore, the airlines must surely be considering, and be concerned about, whether the availability of enough fuel, and the potential/likely costs of such fuel, is going to have to make them cancel most, if not all, of their upcoming flights? I do hope that you and your Dear Partner, can still go safely there - I'm trying to not split an infinitive here, but I've probably not managed not to, or if I have succeeded there, then I've almost certainly broken a lot of other grammatical rules instead - and have a wonderful time together, and come back both refreshed, and well, ahem, 'exercised' 🤭

There have been some very misogynistic responses on here. Of course you should retain the family the home, the family are living in it with you and you care for them. Why do people think it is not ok for you to leave kids for a week but it is ok for their dad to hardly see them? Why do people assume family is preferable to a professional childcare, that very much depends on the family surely?

Anyway I do hope you are getting some proper support. Your ex sounds very abusive and you deserve a huge wodge of self care - like a nice holiday.

Ignore your ex, OP, he's just being 'vexatious'.
Your children don't need a babysitter at their ages, they could likely manage on their own, but getting a responsible adult to stay in the house will give you peace of mind for this holiday. They will very soon be making their own decisions about where they stay and this nonsense will be over.
Enjoy your break!

Children!? They're 17, 16 and 15! They are already on the landing approach to adulthood. They'll all be at university in the next 3 years, and then people will tear into OP if she dares to worry for a second, about anything clip their wings.

Booking a nanny to stay with your kids so you can have a cheap childfree holiday while they go to school is pretty shit parentinG.

And how degrading to a 17 year old that you’ve hired a nanny to look after them

And that's just fucking delicious. Unintentional hilarity: so often the best kind.

Mine would either be getting left home alone at that age or I’d be sneaking them off school for the week (does much happen in the last week of term?). Give your ex the chance to have them at his, if he doesn’t respond or says no well then he’s had his chance. I really don’t understand why kids this age need to be babysat? We’re planning a holiday later in the year without the kids (they’ll have had 2 holidays with us this year), they’ll be 19, 15 and 13.

Classic narc behaviour.
Enjoy every minute of your wonderful holiday!

What’s with all the hate?!! This woman is so deserving have a holiday without her kids! By the sounds of it she does absolutely everything for her children, when her arse of an ex is doing his best to continue to make her life difficult. He does not financially support their children, he can’t be bothered to have set days to see the children. Indirectly he is financially controlling her and controlling what she can or cannot do, as she can never plan anything.

Women should support women, I can’t believe some of the disgusting messages I have read here tonight. Would you wish that your sister, mother, auntie went through this? I bet if it was closer to home your answers would be completely different.

OP go and enjoy your holiday, don’t give it another thought. You have a system in place where your children are well looked after. Most importantly, enjoy the downtime from not having responsibilities for a few days!

Have a wonderful time with all the sex, ancient monuments and good food and wine you can get.

If your ex is that bothered, he can look after them and run them to school.

If the teens are whiny remind them of the Good Ideas (love that concept!) and when they show some responsibility maybe you'll let them be on their own.

You're not being unreasonable at all.

And I'm sure plenty of posters have made errors with school term dates themselves. Stop being horrid to the OP. She deserves all the happiness.

I think the kids are old enough to be told gently that this is another way your ex tries to control you @Mostlywilliow and make you look bad while doing the absolute bare minimum himself. What a snake!

’a good look’? lol. So what makes a ‘good look’? Isthere like a book, or leaflet we can refer to? Does it only cover holidays or is it more detailed including food, clothes, bedrooms etc.

OP. Ignore your ex. Go, have an amazing time, safe in the knowledge your home will be intact when you get home.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

It sounds like you deserve it after putting up with that arsehole ex.

YES DO THIS! does this mean you want me to come to the festival with you or is it that you’ve cancelled because you don’t want to leave me and look after yourself for a few days? Oh I see, completely unrelated. You can look after yourself at a festival surrounded by strangers and alcohol, but I’m a bad mum leaving you safely in your own home with an adult, tell your dad to pull his head in if you want to get to that festival as you might find yourself on the far side of the country on holiday with me since you don’t think it appropriate to be away from me.

They are teens who will have each other and some of whom who are seconds away from moving out and living with strangers and perhaps remembering to call their mum on Sunday.
I’d ask them really clearly why they are suddenly taking parenting advice from their dad, and they should ask him to comply with all the parenting orders and actually spend some time with him before they start thinking he’s saying all of this for their actual benefit.

Yes he’s an arse, social services will laugh at him!

But he’s a total cunt to involve your DC with his whinging! Selfish and unnecessary!

Not a lot you can do though.

I thought some of the posters were men, just trying to wind you up. Take no notice you have covered yourself re childcare go away & have a lovely time.

Your mistake here OP is being a single parent who has dared to get into a new relationship. For some, the only acceptable way to be a single parent is to sacrifice absolutely all of yourself to your kids and never have another relationship again.

As if, having done almost everything for your children for your whole lives, you are lacking for “time with them”.

Bullshit.

The way some posters are going on here you'd think you were abandoning them for a year not a week... I am sure their educations won't fail due to you being absent for a week. At that age, my parents would (and did) just leave me in the house alone for while they were on holiday. But I think having someone come in is a good compromise if you are concerned about parties etc. I would ignore your ex. Fortunately at your children's ages, you won't have to have much to do with him for much longer.

OP, these posters are weird. I can only assume that their children are very young.
I have a 17 and 16 year old and the 17 Yr old drives, has a job, cooks dinner 2x a week, occasionally drives the younger one around, and is pretty much self sufficient. I'd be happy to go on holiday for a week and leave an adult in the house with them who they knew and was DBS checked. These "children", are A level and GCSE age.

I'd be more worried about leaving them home alone, parties etc but if their Dad is so worried, he can take a week off, have them and drive them to and from school.

I think you were unreasonable not to put all the relevant information in your OP, and drip feed it through the thread 😂
But having now got all the details, YANBU, although I’ve always made it a habit to head off these issues by offering my ex the chance to increase his time with his children, BEFORE making alternative childcare plans. It honestly saved me so much grief. He always said “no” but then had no leg to stand on when I carried on with my life, providing external suitable care for the children when I needed it.

Well OP, I’m quite frankly flabbergasted that you are abandoning your children for a holiday. Did you not get the memo on the day you gave birth that says now you have become a mum you are not allowed to leave your child’s side until they are well over 18? Whatever are you thinking leaving a very nearly adult, an almost nearly adult and a 15 year old with a responsible and police checked adult.

How many times does OP have to say the kids were never meant to go with her. She is not ditching them and has not lost any money by them not going. She is having a break and by the sounds of it a well deserved one!

Wow I had no idea 🙄 They’re old enough to be fully aware they were meant to be going away. How cruel to just go oh well, we’ll just leave you at home and go without you!
Jesus wept! being a parent isn’t your sole purpose in life!
Many, many parents go away without their kids especially teenagers, they weren’t meant be going away, they weren’t included at any point, it’s not cruel for adults to holiday without their offspring.
No need to be a martyr to your kids.

Ignore him completely.

he can communicate with the kids directly

social work won’t be remotely in those things
m

also ignore ignore ignore the arseholes on this thread criticising your holiday. I hope you have a bloody good time