Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

Jesus, the lengths some women will go to stick up for absolute dogshit, banjaxxed men, just to put other women in their place and make themselves feel like the smuggiest smugster Mum of the year.

I have thoughts:

There is NOTHING wrong with going on a trip without your teenage children, zero, nada, not a thing. The OP is doing the right thing by hiring a qualified nanny, one the children know, to keep an eye on things while she's away so HER house doesn't burn down.

The SBXH is the one stirring the pot and causing problems, not the OP. Time for an honest chat with the childer.

The ingrained misogyny has ghasted my flabber; assuming the OP didn't pay for the house, that she only met the fella down the chippy last Friday, etc. Every day sexism at its finest.

Some people need to learn to read and/or learn reading comprehension.

OP, don't give it oxygen, have an honest chat with your kids, explain the things he asks of them are not normal (videoing the fridge...wtf), then you and your vagina go off and have the BEST time!

Wow, it’s incredible how many people just can’t read.

@Mostlywilliow the holiday sounds great, I hope you have a fab time. My ex is similarly obnoxious, so I get exactly what you mean. I’m fairly sure your children will survive happily for a week, and you can relax knowing they are supervised and fed.

Ignore all the posters with the 'as if you leave your children to go on a holiday by yourselves' there is absolutely nothing wrong with it (plus time away helps prevent burn out). He won't have them so you've done an extremely responsible thing of hiring a nanny! Ignore the ex he's a if he keeps going on to social services it should be made known he's trying to turn your kids against you saying a load of crap

If it’s only one week, not two, take the kids anyway as originally planned. Simple.

I appreciate that dragging your kids into the actual detail of your utterly dire marriage with their father is less than desirable but they are really of an age to understand better?

To this point:
Apply the same principle. Does the 17 yr old want to be accompanied to festivals because you should never leave them alone?
Does the 15 yr old want a week visiting the pyramids with no wifi?
Same or whatever is most relevant for the middle child.

You've hired a sitter who will ensure they are fed, the house is kept to a modicum of cleanliness, run the occasional load of laundry perhaps, mediate any rows and be there in case of emergency.

Any objection to that is just TOUGH and appalling dog in the manger behaviour from your children. You shouldn't tolerate it and because your ex is a coercive controlling wanker you should be reading the riot act that they appear to be following in his footsteps and not taking abuse from total strangers on Mumsnet over some perfectly reasonably choices.

I also think you should sit all three of them down and set out just why you divorced their father, why his behaviour is what it is and why you will neither tolerate it from them and by proxy from him. He is sending them as his flying monkeys.

This is one of the most accurate and succinct replies here! I’m reeling from the posters acting like you’re swanning off leaving a bunch of toddlers with Harold Shipman. OP I truly, truly hope that you’re not taking any of it to heart!

I’m very familiar with coercive relationships, and the difficult thing is that they still know how to get in your head years on, and dragging the kids into it with his ridiculous comments is really bloody low, although sadly very common. He doesn’t do even 1% of the parenting but he still wants to control you and sniping at your parenting is literally all that’s left. Ignore him, and the frankly weird posters on here, you’ve got your head screwed on right, carry on as you were, have faith in yourself, and above all, enjoy the holiday!!

Wow, this post brought a lot of ignorant bitter witches who can't effing read out of the woodwork! Hope you enjoy your holiday, OP, and have an intact house waiting for you upon your return!! Hopefully your twatty narc ex watches your socials so be sure to post lots of lovely pics of the two of you having a lovely time.

@Littlebigtoe actually I am from and live in the UK, I'm 51 years old with two offspring (24 and 11 yrs old), and yes, we DO still say CSA! I wasn't even aware it had changed to CSM, honestly, give your head a wobble! 😂

I would take mine outta school for the duration of the holiday. I mean, the yougest is 15 yeah? I left school at 15. By the time I was 17 i had been working full time for 2 years ! If they sont want to go now then just leave them at home. Some independant time will be good for them. Tell your ex to let them stay with him.

They’ve seen him 4x in 8 years and yet they very regularly speak with him on the phone?!

That's hilarious as 16 and 17 year could effectively go and live alone should they wish to there are single 16 year old with babies living alone in flats.

They are 15, 16 and 17 and will have an adult (professional) staying with them. They are not 5, 6 and 7. Does your ex think they are imbeciles or something? That says more about how your ex views your kids than anything about one of which is practically an adult.

Ignore him and keep in your mind you only have 3 more years left of his nonsense and then you are free.
Social services would laugh him out of the door 😆😆😆

These kids are 15, 16 and 17. They definitely are old enough for the op to say stop fanning the flames by telling me daft nonsense your dad spouts about me and sure as heck don’t send him video footage of my fridge ever again

I feel your pain OP. I have similar with my exH. Continually slates me to our DDs (17 & 16) on the phone … because he has only seen them four times in 8 years 🙄 He ceased all access when he lost his attempt for sole custody …😗 he stopped paying child support when I refused to share my holiday photos with him 😂 it was great to see the courts increase the monthly amount and force him to pay the arrears. I completely and utterly grey rock him. And I grey rock our DDs in relation to him. They’re already beginning to see him for who he is … I don’t need to show them.

These kids are well on the way to being adult- put out feelers if one of their friends would be willing to take one or more of them. My Mum won a holiday when I was 17 and I stayed with a friend- it was fine.

This exactly ... my ex partner was still sending messages through my youngest son who was 21 at the time.. he would say as soon as you get home wake your mum up so you don't forget what I've told you to say...
Makes me shudder to think I was in a relationship with such a controlling bastard... I told my son in the end you are old enough to say to your dad " stop using me as your messenger and move on* he did this thankfully .

I wish I could say I’m surprised at the misogynistic responses - but I’m not
Enjoy your holiday

You sound delightful! What lucky children you have 🙄

🤣🤣

Well he is still trying to control your life so you have no choice in the matter... can the sitter meet the kids few times before you go away they are far from being babies so I say well done on this and keep moving forward .
Very soon kids will be old enough for you to say I do not want to hear about your dad's issues towards me .
Sounds like a bitter bastard like my ex if he was on fire I wouldn't help him.. he was a horror.
Soon enough your kids will understand your exes ways .. go on holiday and enjoy xx

This x100!

He can look after them if he's so bothered.

17,16,15, they are not kids, teo of them are old enough to have a job.
Agree with the kids they don't need babysitting. If you fell better with someone keeping and eye, ok. But they are old enough to sort themselves.

I had to double check that you are not my daughter posting! Your situations are almost identical. What the flying fudge is the matter with some men. I don’t think that you are remotely unreasonable, but remember teenagers often change the narrative to suit themselves. Especially if a lot of your ‘non-communication’ comes from them. 🤗