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AIBU?

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Original poster

No energy, like zero. No patience. Is this burnout or just perimenopause?

36 replies

dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:31

I’m 46, single mum to a 6 year old and work full time as a teacher. It’s always been pretty hard to juggle everything, but lately I’ve found the evenings a real struggle. We get home between 5.30 and 6 (she is in after school club every day just so that I can manage to get my work done). I can just about manage to make DD’s dinner and do her school reading with her, but then she watches TV until bedtime while I just..sit, mindlessly scrolling my phone, looking at the chores that need doing but feeling too bone-tired to begin. Then once we have done the bedtime routine and stories, I come back downstairs and sit again, scrolling, snacking and feeling miserable.

What’s more, I have no patience with poor DD and don’t have the energy to deal with her properly so I end up snapping at her or crying in front of her. It’s making me feel shit and I’m sure it isn’t good for her. If anyone has any advice to offer, I would be really grateful.

OP posts:
TheGreatFairyRescue · 21/04/2026 22:02

TBH, you just sound burnt out. I would definitely get everything checked as it could well be a deficiency/ thyroid. If nothing shows up though, I think I’d talk to them about starting the process for HRT.

However, do you ever get a break? Does your DD ever go to their dad’s/ family members? Teaching is tiring enough, especially if you’re full time. It looks like both you and your DD have really long days, I expect she’s knackered too.

Do you feel better in the holidays?

Original poster
dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:58

mindutopia · 21/04/2026 21:47

So I am the same age and in late perimenopause now (only 3-4 periods a year). I have cancer and I feel exhausted. But when I’m not on treatment, no, I don’t feel like that. I suspect some of it may be nutritional, it’s worth getting your vitamin levels checked again, and lifestyle. Doom scrolling isn’t going to fill anyone with joy and energy. Just go to bed. Get sleep instead. Do you drink alcohol? If so, stop. And then do you have time for yourself? Do you get to do things that bring you joy? Bring you back to your childhood? Are fun?

You need to find what those are and carve time for them into your life somehow. I did a lot of dragging my children to the beach when they were that age and making them sit safely on a rock with snacks so I could get in 10 minutes of cold water swimming to save my mental health.

I am trying to go to bed earlier. I don’t really drink alcohol (like, 2 units a month!) but could drink more water and could definitely eat more healthily.

Extremely jealous of the cold water swimming! I would love to do that but am nowhere near a beach sadly. I do love walking in nature and get to do that most weekends, but always with DD so maybe not relaxing in the same way.

OP posts:
InsertUsernameHere · 21/04/2026 21:47

dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:40

I did get my thyroid tested and it was on the low side of normal. Could this have changed within a year?

Yes - could easily have changed. Get it retested - as if it is your thyroid - treatment can be transformative. Hypothyroidism is common in middle age women.

mindutopia · 21/04/2026 21:47

So I am the same age and in late perimenopause now (only 3-4 periods a year). I have cancer and I feel exhausted. But when I’m not on treatment, no, I don’t feel like that. I suspect some of it may be nutritional, it’s worth getting your vitamin levels checked again, and lifestyle. Doom scrolling isn’t going to fill anyone with joy and energy. Just go to bed. Get sleep instead. Do you drink alcohol? If so, stop. And then do you have time for yourself? Do you get to do things that bring you joy? Bring you back to your childhood? Are fun?

You need to find what those are and carve time for them into your life somehow. I did a lot of dragging my children to the beach when they were that age and making them sit safely on a rock with snacks so I could get in 10 minutes of cold water swimming to save my mental health.

Niftywigglesheep · 21/04/2026 21:47

I think it’s because you’ve done a whole day at work, then you can’t switch off. You have a list of chores , a child and you’re tired.

I has the same.i feel like if I could come back from work and sleep for an hour , id be really productive the rest of the night. But I can’t switch off as im always on duty as a mum!

Original poster
dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:45

CoverIt · 21/04/2026 21:40

Is it time for HRT perhaps?

The difficulty is that I still have a coil (despite not having needed it for 4 years!!) so I don’t get proper periods. So it’s a bit hard to tell

OP posts:
CoverIt · 21/04/2026 21:40

Is it time for HRT perhaps?

Original poster
dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:40

I did get my thyroid tested and it was on the low side of normal. Could this have changed within a year?

OP posts:
Firefly1987 · 21/04/2026 21:39

Did you get your thyroid tested?

Original poster
dollydoops · 21/04/2026 21:37

Thanks. I actually had some blood tests done a while ago (about a year ago) which suggested everything was normal. Maybe things have changed since then though? I’m honestly quite worried. My mum struggled with her mental health and I am concerned that I’m going the same way :(

OP posts:
sunshine244 · 21/04/2026 21:33

I felt like this and assumed it was perimenopause (I'm almost 45). Turned out to be vitamin d and iron deficient which surprised me as my diet is good and I'm out waking loads. Supplements have got me back to normal.