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AIBU?

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AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

141 replies

Thattimeagain88 · 21/04/2026 18:40

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

OP posts:
midnights92 · 21/04/2026 19:15

Christ OP, LTB this week. Why on earth are you spending another day tolerating this nonsense from some jumped up angry little man.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:15

If you could, you must. This sounds absolute hell

ConstanzeMozart · 21/04/2026 19:14

Obviously YANBU and he is abusive. How long has he been behaving like this? Do you have any backup plans?

Thattimeagain88 · 21/04/2026 19:14

Thank you for all the replies

In answer of some the questions

The kids didn't hear today's episode as they were thankfully at school but they have on previous instances. He will also say in front of them and directly too them don't end up like your mum/don't be stupid like your mum etc. Eldest is 11 and becoming wise to it snd has started telling him to be quiet.

I have thought about leaving and financially I could. I have a good job, earn about the same as him and would happily downsize if I had to although selling the house would be upsetting for all.

He has threatened to go on more than one occasion but always says uta me driving him out. When we argue, and if it happens in front of friends and family, even if he is in the wrong, he'll blame it on me and then say he now looks bad in front of everyone

OP posts:
Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:11

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:07

Is there any need to be so rude?

to say i am not interested in your view on my posts? Well I’m not

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 21/04/2026 19:11

I fucking hate people who can’t communicate. I’m ND and have always that the ‘why did you do it like that’, ‘why didn’t you think to …’. I am also an intelligent person.

Probably not helpful but take some solace in the fact you aren’t an ignorant bellend?

Oleoreoleo · 21/04/2026 19:11

The word “constant” in your title is jumping out at me.

Any name calling is unacceptable. Any shouting, apart from “watch out!” is unacceptable.

Have you ever heard of the shit sandwich metaphor? There’s no amount of shit that is acceptable in a sandwich.

This is not ok.

Decacaffeinatednow · 21/04/2026 19:11

@Thattimeagain88
Is there anyone you can tell about what is happening? I have a neighbour whose child told a teacher about her father’s behaviour. A year later they are separated.

EmmaOvary · 21/04/2026 19:08

This is bad, OP. This is abuse. Please don’t think it isn’t. Loving spouses and partners don’t name call and shout like this.

CatLady93 · 21/04/2026 19:08

A neighbour of mine experiences this, I hear it from our house, recently I called the police and they attended. This is 100% abuse and completely unacceptable. So sorry you’re going through this and I hope you can find the support and strength needed to leave x

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:07

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:05

Ok but can’t say I’m interested in what you think

Is there any need to be so rude?

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:05

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:04

There is. The very fact that she is desperate enough to ask strangers on the internet for help shows that. I really think your comment is just putting the boot in when she is already down.

Ok but can’t say I’m interested in what you think

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:04

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 18:59

To see how an outsider sees how urgent the situation is, not least do her children.

There is no indication she sees this

There is. The very fact that she is desperate enough to ask strangers on the internet for help shows that. I really think your comment is just putting the boot in when she is already down.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 18:59

Blimms · 21/04/2026 18:58

But how does your comment help?

To see how an outsider sees how urgent the situation is, not least do her children.

There is no indication she sees this

Miranda65 · 21/04/2026 18:59

I have been married for over 30 years. My husband is by no means perfect - and neither am I. However, he has never once shouted at me, nor called me "thick" or any other names.
That's your answer, OP, and YANBU.

CamillaMcCauley · 21/04/2026 18:59

Kindly, may I ask why you are tolerating this abuse? If a husband of mine called me stupid more than once (first time gets a warning), I’d be telling him he was now free to find a smarter wife.

Do you feel that he is justified somehow in his anger? Did you grow up with your parents abusing each other, then e experience this behaviour in another relationship? Is there a major reason (other than having kids together) that makes leaving immediately feel impossible?

Blimms · 21/04/2026 18:58

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 18:55

Because this is horrific. Horrific for the op and horrific for her children.

However there isn’t even the whiff of any indication that the op intends to leave him

But how does your comment help?

ohyesido · 21/04/2026 18:57

Ugh, what a jerk. Is he good at oral sex or something because I can’t imagine any other reason to keep him around

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 18:55

Blimms · 21/04/2026 18:50

Imagine how awful it is for the OP. And then she comes to MN and reads this! Do you think she doesn’t know? It’s unhelpful and unnecessary

Because this is horrific. Horrific for the op and horrific for her children.

However there isn’t even the whiff of any indication that the op intends to leave him

Beachwalker66 · 21/04/2026 18:55

He sounds absolutely dreadful.

I would be making a plan to separate.

Terrribletwos · 21/04/2026 18:54

No, not in any way normal @Thattimeagain88 and, of course, totally unacceptable.
How long has this being going on?

MrsMurphyIWish · 21/04/2026 18:53

People who respect each other don’t speak like that. This man despises you.

Pearlstillsinging · 21/04/2026 18:51

You really should not and don't have to live like this. I would show him how clever you are by making detailed preparations to separate; make sure that you have all the financial records, copies of personal paperwork and a log of every similar incident to today's that you can remember and going forward
Once you have everything ready you can make your move.

JHound · 21/04/2026 18:50

Your husband hates you which is why he is abusing you. I would be trying to find a way away from him.

Blimms · 21/04/2026 18:50

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 18:44

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick,

imagine how awful this must be for the children to listen to this, day in day out

Imagine how awful it is for the OP. And then she comes to MN and reads this! Do you think she doesn’t know? It’s unhelpful and unnecessary

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