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AIBU?

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AIBU to think constant name-calling and shouting from DH is unacceptable?

141 replies

Thattimeagain88 · 21/04/2026 18:40

DH makes no secret of the fact he thinks I am stupid (or thick as he puts it) because I don't always answer questions exactly how he expects (or wants) or because I sometime mis interpret what he says (can't possibly be anything to do with him not explaining what he means, its all on me)

I am actually quite clever, or book smart (I am a Senior Analyst) but do admit that sometimes my common sense isn't the same as his, but I have enough common sense to have made it the grand age of 38 and have 2 children who are doing just fine.

Our washing machine has broken so today he was measuring it. He said to me just note down the numbers I give you. I will be the one ordering it and researching so I need to know what the measurements are

He then starting shouting a load of numbers at me, which made no sense to me as he didn't say whether they inches or cm, and one moment shouted at 847, so I asked what measurement that was as 847 cm is 8 metres so I just asked what they were in

He then started to scream and shout at me for 15 minutes how I am thick, all he asked me to do was make a note of the measurements, as I am too thick to then convert them he would do it and then tell me what I needed to know.

I walked out of the room and left him ranting and calling me various swear words (i heard the C word mentioned)

I then later asked him something else and the answer I got back was I am too thick to understand the answer so he wasn't going to answer (it was a question on whether he wanted something added to the food shop, so now he won't be getting it anyway)

I then needed him to fill a form in for something, and he has made a mistake on it. When I looked at the form (didn't mention it) he said it was my fault I had made him do it wrong as I got him wound up

OP posts:
Charlottian · 21/04/2026 19:38

@Thattimeagain88 you deserve so much better, as do your kids. You deserve respect and love at the very least.
Get the hell away from this dickhead as soon as possible.

summitfever · 21/04/2026 19:37

Op a house is bricks and mortar. Your children’s emotional health and wellbeing are far more important. Your children won’t bat an eye at moving to a safe, calm house where they don’t need to be dragged into their dad’s abuse of their mother. This will cause lasting damage to them, I guarantee you that from experience x

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:37

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:36

That’s fine. I’m don’t really care whether you do or not.

If you care so much about these children, the best way to help them is by supporting their mother. You’re doing the opposite of that. I think you care more about making the OP feel guilty for the actions of a man, rather than having a genuine concern for the dc.

Edited

hush now

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:37

Op you sound worn down. Decimated.

But you need to galvanise yourself to leave because this is nasty nasty abuse

loosethepounds · 21/04/2026 19:37

Get out of this marriage ASAP. He is an abuser.
Protect your children from this behaviour.

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:36

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:32

I’m genuinely just not interested in what you think of my posts. But that really shouldn’t bother you in the slightest.

and following the update - the fact he directs it towards his own children, I totally stand by my comments

That’s fine. I’m don’t really care whether you do or not.

If you care so much about these children, the best way to help them is by supporting their mother. You’re doing the opposite of that. I think you care more about making the OP feel guilty for the actions of a man, rather than having a genuine concern for the dc.

ThisJadeBear · 21/04/2026 19:36

The fact that your young daughter is calling him out is really, really not good. She should not be policing her father’s behaviour. It is traumatic for her and it is not a point of pride.
You are a senior analyst, the brain power, the finances and resources to live away from this man.
He is an absolute pig.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 21/04/2026 19:35

He sounds as if he has little man syndrome , bigging himself up while belittling others to make himself feel like a bigger man.

He has absolutely no respect for you, you are not his verbal punchbag while he vents his frustration, even if you were to misunderstand each other , he has no right to be abusive to you.

I would make it clear in no uncertain terms that from this point forward your not tolerating his abusive behaviour and are no longer prepared to be his verbal punchbag, he either changes his ways or you will divorce him.

Personally I’d divorce the twat.!

Wishimaywishimight · 21/04/2026 19:34

What an utterly miserable way to go through life. He neither loves nor likes you, in fact he clearly despises you.

Chatsbots · 21/04/2026 19:34

Let him to be free to find someone "brighter".

Honestly, sounds a complete prick.

tiptoethrutulips · 21/04/2026 19:33

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who clearly hates you?

And model staying with an abuser and putting up with vile verbal abuse to your children?

Please see legal advice and make a plan to leave.

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:32

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:16

As I’m sure you know, that’s not what I mean.

I’m genuinely just not interested in what you think of my posts. But that really shouldn’t bother you in the slightest.

and following the update - the fact he directs it towards his own children, I totally stand by my comments

Tryanalogue · 21/04/2026 19:30

Why is he involving you in this measurements shit?

One person measures, notes it down and orders the new machine.

BillieWiper · 21/04/2026 19:28

He sounds like a total prick. What is he bringing to the table in terms of positives?

What does he say when you tell him you won't stand for him treating you and speaking to you like the dirt off his shoe?

Tell him to speak respectfully or use the door permanently. But anyone who speaks that way has no respect for themselves or others anyway.

AnOldCynic · 21/04/2026 19:27

@Thattimeagain88 I’m surprised you have to ask. Of course it’s unacceptable.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 21/04/2026 19:26

Leave. You can't overestimate the damage this is doing to your children.

Olive567 · 21/04/2026 19:24

He doesn't respect you. Tell him that you're simply not going to put up with this anymore - and that you will be leaving him. Yes, it may be upsetting selling the house but you need to keep the bigger picture in your mind now. You have one life - don't put up with this. Don't let your kids think this is acceptable or normal. I had a red line that was crossed, I know how hard it is to make the final decision to leave but u have to find your anger OP. Good luck.

Bridgertonisbest · 21/04/2026 19:24

Next time he offers to go, offer to help him pack. Or better still, next time he starts shouting or name calling, tell him to fuck off.

PinkyFlamingo · 21/04/2026 19:22

Seriously why are you putting up with this?

Auroraloves · 21/04/2026 19:21

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:04

There is. The very fact that she is desperate enough to ask strangers on the internet for help shows that. I really think your comment is just putting the boot in when she is already down.

I agree with you @Blimms

@Mildmag just stop, OP already knows her situation is awful.

HotGazpacho · 21/04/2026 19:21

I just can’t imagine ever being in a relationship with a man again. Every post I read like this on here just reinforces it. I would never cope with living with a complete fucking arsehole like this.

HellsBells13 · 21/04/2026 19:19

I think you are unreasonable. Unreasonable to stay with a man that clearly despises you and both of you making your poor children lives is terrible home. Poor kids.

Zanatdy · 21/04/2026 19:19

Please leave this guy. Horrible for your children to be witnessing their father treat their mother like dirt. This is no way to live. You will be much happier and so will the kids. He sounds vile, and a nasty bully.

Pinkflamingo10 · 21/04/2026 19:17

Horrific. This is domestic abuse.
save yourself and your poor children from this abuser and leave.
women’s aid can help with planning to leave if you need support

Blimms · 21/04/2026 19:16

Mildmag · 21/04/2026 19:11

to say i am not interested in your view on my posts? Well I’m not

As I’m sure you know, that’s not what I mean.

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